How Can I Learn To Trust Men Again After My Divorce?


It is safe to open your heart again.

Divorce, whether it was nasty or amicable, usually leaves you wondering if it's possible to ever find someone to have a healthy relationship with again. Divorce is such a long, drawn-out, exhausting process that forces you to face a multitude of extreme feelings — guilt, anger, self-pity, blame and shame. To make things even more confusing, you also felt moments of exuberance and joy at the prospect of new-found freedom and the chance to make a brand new start!

Once the emotional tornado finally dissipates, you may find yourself timidly entertaining the notion of looking for love again. It's totally normal if the idea simultaneously excites AND terrifies you.

On one hand, just thinking about getting back into the dating scene probably leaves you panicky and exhausted (compounded ten times if you have kids!). On the other hand, the late night fantasy of meeting someone who might be a best friend, a loyal companion and a passionate lover triggers a pang of longing in your heart. Maybe (just maybe) there might be someone out there with whom a healthy relationship will actually work! 

Are you mentally (and emotionally) ready to give love another try?

The path to finding love again can feel treacherous, to say the least. Is your brain nagging you with negative self-talk? Do you still feel like the victim, like you can never trust another man ever again, or are you thinking that it’s too late for you? Or, are you misguidedly thinking that finding someone will finally make you feel whole and complete?

In the video above, YourTango Experts VP Melanie Gorman hosts a compelling discussion on this topic with some of our experts: Divorce Coach Liza Caldwell, MA, CPC, Behavioral Analyst Steven Sisler, CBPA, CPVA, Author and Biological Anthropologist Helen Fisher, PHD, and Author and Holistic Medium Practitioner Cathleen Miller (creator of the Living the Spiral program).

Their collective insights are provocative, to say the least.

Watch the video and ask yourself the important questions raised before dipping your toe back in the dating pool. For example: 

  • Have I taken the time to learn about myself from this break-up?
  • What have I learned from my mistakes? 
  • Have I done the necessary work to understand my needs and know what I’m truly looking for?

Liza makes it undeniably clear: " ... there’s a VERY good chance you can attain a healthy, creative relationship, post-divorce — with ONE caveat: that you work on yourself first…".

Want to talk about it?

If you are intrigued by what you hear and want more information, or perhaps help in your situation, please get in touch with Liza, Steven, Helen and/or Cathleen!