SINCERELY YOURS<br>Internet dating. Some useful tips


The latter does not contend to be a manual – just a personal opinion on Internet dating

The latter does not contend to be a manual – just a biased opinion grounded on personal experience

I first registered with a dating site about 10 years ago. Since then, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes out of curiosity or just for fun, I have been exploring the secrets and getting the knacks of online communication.

Whenever I happen to mention it to someone, I receive a curious and suspicious scrutinising look and the underlying question is: "What is wrong with you", implicitly inferring that I must have some kind of problem.

And should anything be wrong at all?

I just need a piece of normal human communication which my every day's life does not offer. In the past people used to go to church regularly and speak to their priests, and by way of the Holy Confession could share worries and apprehensions, relieving their hearts of intolerable emotional burden. Nowadays they go to shrinks who actually have assumed the role of clergymen and a kind of spiritual advisers. But you cannot visit your therapist 7 days a week, after all it is quite expensive. The very act of admitting that you have a soul doctor tacitly implies that something is wrong with your life. Can shrinks replace friends?

And can friends readily listen to your effusive heart-breaking outpours each time you feel like overwhelming them with your confessions? Once a therapist told me that no one would do it for you without being paid, regardless of the fact how good friends you are. I guess he was right.

But a pen-friend, one, whom you have picked quite randomly out of the infinity of web space, could do. At least you could try to shower him/her with your personal concerns without feeling guilt-ridden and without much caring if you are rejected with contempt or cordially accepted. It is only a stranger after all!

A conversation with a stranger can always help you overcome shyness and expose the real you, the one who you have always wanted to be, you could share thoughts and experience that you would not have shared with anyone of your acquaintances.

Sometimes people who know me face to face know less about me than "aliens" I have been exchanging mails with, because we have skipped the weather intro and have gone to the essence.

My sister says that people who are on dating websites are not really tuned up for a relationship. They are going through a period when they would have rejected anybody – from prince Charming to a Martian. No one could live up to their expectations, their uncertainty about their own needs and desires, their fear to experience the stressful and emotionally intensive face-to-face contact makes them opt for an online type of communication.

Others are mature and aware of their necessities and preferences. They would not waste time on fishing in the wrong pond. Besides, it is awkward to paint the town red, accosting to strangers who look like Mr/Ms Right. After a certain age one settles down and unconsciously narrows ones contacts to a limited circle: colleagues, old friends, family.

The encounter of new faces gets harder and seldom. The most rational and least painless solution is Internet, especially when your work requires spending most of your time in front of a computer.


FUNNY: Some tips

1. This one id for women who really mean to get a spouse or to establish a serious relationship at least.

A serious candidate would firstly write a couple of mails, then ask for your phone number and call you afterwards to make sure that you are a real person and that you are really a female. He already knows what seeks for. If things are OK, he will try to schedule a meeting.

I would not bet on it and yet my experience is an empirical proof of the fact that those who insist on a chat from the very beginning and are averse to writing long soul-stripping letters are a bit freaky and/ or do not search for commitment. Be on the alert and do not trust. Some of them are quite horny and aim at cyber sex. They would keep on asking you for pictures – as many as possible.

Try to maintain essential correspondence – this might help you avoid coming across a weirdo. I guess it sounds a bit snobbish but thus you could decide on the general background of the person: educational level, etc. These things still matter in life and in chat-type conversation you cannot assess which of the possible grammar and spelling mistakes are technical and which speak for low literacy level, poor vocabulary, general neglect and disrespect for words.


2. There is a very interesting phenomenon – people who go on business trips to foreign countries or intend to settle down there for a certain period of time – start fishing for dates on the web. When moving to a new place, it is vitally important to have a good guide and a nice party for a dinner or a night club and why not a sex buddy... They just seek "escort". So, mind this!


3. How to create an irresistible inviting and disarming profile.

If you need some flirt to brace up your confidence without even sneaking out of your comfortable slippers and avoiding the annoying procedure of "painting" your face – you can easily create a Skype profile and switch to Skype-me mode.

The message

It could simply say: free-spirited, adventurous mind, ready to experience the inexperienced, party-type, open to challenge and experiment, bold and straightforward…

The picture

You do not even need to disclose your face - a web camera snapshot of the middle part of the body in low-cut attire, lavishly displaying a seducing cleavage would be like honey to bees.