Do What Works with Your MIL

Do What Works with Your MIL

There are some deceptively simple ways to help daughters-in-law to gain the trust and build the foundation of friendship with a very deliberate, proactive set of strategies to use with one’s husband’s mother. It is based on one of the seven spiritual laws of success, which is—the quickest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. The rules work wonders so that any daughter-in-law can transform the relationship with her mother-in-law from one fraught with tension and competition to one of mutual respect and peacefulness.

I spent several years doing the “wrong” thing with my mother-in-law (even though I felt that I was being a nice person) until I realized that nothing that I was doing was going to change her behavior, and that being nice had nothing to do with it.

So, I devised a plan that, when put into action (even though it started off as a tongue-in-cheek coping mechanism) actually worked wonders. The formerly cantankerous, contrary, and particularly negative woman that was formerly my mother-in law was now my biggest fan! By using some simple techniques, I turned a relationship that was doomed for failure into a successful friendship.

Knowing about these strategies in advance is valuable so that one can get started off on the right foot with their mothers-in-law, and can possibly save you years of needless contention. These rules will help you experience smooth sailing with your husband because you will cease fighting about his mother. He will no longer be in the middle because you are dealing with her directly in a very helpful and proactively accommodating way, of course, out of free will! That is the difference here—as some people might ask if these rules direct a daughter-in-law to behave in a subservient manner. It is only subservient if you are doing it out of fear. Rather, you are doing it out of choice, and that puts you in charge because you are no longer looking for her approval!

These are simple and surefire strategies on every topic from household matters to beauty techniques to how to deal with that lovely and oh-so-appreciated advice on how to deal with the children! It is a management philosophy that works. This is a unique plan that, if followed properly, works like a charm, and I’ve even devised a four-step system so that one can personalize a customized set of rules for her very own mother-in-law!

It is both funny and helpful, but it is simple and straightforward and can get immediate results. It does not follow the traditional therapist’s approach of talking it out, but rather accommodating the mother in law, by identifying what it is that she responds to less than favorably, and then devising an exact plan for the next time a similar situation comes up so that you are prepared—and then doing it and following through. It is about figuring out the mistakes, and then not repeating them in her presence. It is a foolproof method, but one has to step on a few minefields before you can get to the Promised Land.

You have to learn to do what works. You have to learn to put your stubborn nature aside and learn to give your mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt. You never want to put your husband in the middle, but you can solve the problem on your own by dealing directly with her by bending over backwards to not only accommodate her, but proactively wooing her—because you know that it works.

You have to learn to appreciate her for who she is; don’t expect her to be anything other than who she is, and focus on the positive. There are many positive things that emerge after you start giving her what it is that she truly wants—and that is to be paid attention to by you, and courted and befriended, almost like you are a man courting a woman. It is complicated, but true! You must learn to respect her and do things her way, at least while you are visiting with her. You can revert back as soon as she leaves, but this is what works, so I advise not to fight city hall!