Truly Ungrateful People Usually Say These 11 Phrases When They Talk To You
David Prado Perucha | Shutterstock According to mental health documentary filmmaker and advocate Joy Lee, ungrateful people are often motivated by an inherent sense of entitlement in their lives. From relationships to working spaces and passing interactions, they overlook the empathy and energy other people invest into them under the assumption that they're "worthy" solely because of their existence or perceived worth.
It may not seem obvious based on their behaviors, but their words reveal quite a lot. Truly ungrateful people usually say certain phrases when they talk to you, whether you're their romantic partner, co-worker, or even friend. These phrases exemplify this entitlement and can be "red flags" for people on the receiving end of their disconnected mindset. But by acknowledging their gaslighting, their partners, friends, parents and peers can set healthy boundaries, protecting their emotional health and generosity from being taken advantage of.
Truly ungrateful people usually say these 11 phrases when they talk to you
1. 'You owe me'
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A study from the Journal Personality and Social Psychology argues that ungrateful people tend to hyper-focus on what's "missing" from their lives, rather than what they already have, whether that be a healthy relationship, support, or financial stability. This inherent dissatisfaction can cultivate a toxic foundation for relationships, where an ungrateful partner is always setting impossible expectations for their equal.
By missing out on opportunities to empathize, thank, and express gratitude to their partner, they also miss out on evolving in their relationships — including growing trust, intimacy, and a sense of unconditional loyalty without entitlement. Partners of ungrateful people can develop people-pleasing tendencies in response to this behavior, where they feel obligated to protect and support their partner out of necessity, rather than free will.
2. 'Just remember, I was there when you had nobody'
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Whether it's "I was there when you had nobody" or "I was your only companion when everyone else left," truly ungrateful people usually say these phrases when they talk to you. It's because they don't embody true loyalty in their relationships; instead, they urge their partners to "work for" their conditional loyalty.
Their kindness, misguided empathy, and compassion only feed into their transactional view of relationships, giving them toxic leverage for demands down the road. Their ungrateful tendencies also feed into manipulation tactics, as they attempt to isolate their partners from their friends, family, and inner circles to wield more control over their everyday lives.
By suggesting they were there when their partner "had nobody," they can manipulate their partner's emotions and experiences to best suit their agenda and needs.
3. 'I forgot I only exist when you need something'
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As a study from American Psychologist found, people who practice gratitude in their daily lives and relationships tend to experience less negative emotions than their ungrateful counterparts. When partners and individuals are not prioritizing gratitude in their lives, they experience inner turmoil filled with uncomfortable emotions like guilt, shame, and entitlement.
Burdening their partners with these emotions is how many unappreciative people find relief, re-assigning their guilt to their partners for not being 100% available to support or listen to them. As this cycle of intense emotion and manipulation continues, it only becomes harder for both an ungrateful person and the people in their life to refocus on the positive elements of their relationship.
4. 'Loyalty is a privilege, not a right'
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Ungrateful people cultivate transactional relationships in every part of their lives, bestowing conditional love, admiration, and loyalty in their connections that sparks resentment in everyone involved.
For example, "'Helping' your husband when you expect something in return, even if all you expect is gratitude, makes your marriage more transactional than romantic. Most people today find transactional marriages inherently unsatisfying. They're the stuff of martyrs, the story of happiness thwarted by involuntary self-sacrifice," sociologist and coach Christine Carter explained.
When they don't get what they want or a partner refuses to toxically sacrifice their well-being for the sake of a relationship, they'll use phrases like this to emotionally blackmail others, self-sabotaging their connections by sparking a sense of obligation and guilt.
5. 'Nobody ever thanks me when I do things for them'
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A study published in Behavioral Sciences suggests that children who grow up with caregivers and parents who prioritize gratitude in their lives often have better social relationships and a more balanced emotional health than their ungrateful peers. While it's largely recognized that a parent's model behavior influences their child's well-being in adulthood, this practical example showcases the tendency for transactional relationships to follow adult children into their own connections.
If a parent expects gratitude in response to every parenting action — from picking you up, to putting a "roof over your head," or buying groceries — their adult children likely carry this mindset into their romantic relationships, with behaviors and actions that are simply the hallmarks of a loving connection like open communication or honesty.
They gaslight their partners into believing they're only "worthy" of loyalty, honesty, or love when they're actively addressing and expressing gratitude for it, instead of letting it manifest from the nature of unconditional love.
6. 'You don't deserve that'
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Truly ungrateful people usually say "you don't deserve that" when they talk to you, manifesting in response to a person's emotional needs and communication. An ungrateful partner will almost always dismiss emotional needs when they're not self-serving or comfortable, cultivating a hostile space for the open communication needed to sustain a healthy relationship.
To them, a person is only "deserving" of the basic tenets of a healthy relationship when their ungrateful partner is comfortable, happy, and supported. Additionally, an ungrateful person will never view another's actions as good enough, because that's how they're programmed.
7. 'Why do you always make me feel like this?'
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Ungrateful people often refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, expecting others to sacrifice their own emotional well-being to support them in every way. They're never thankful for the things their partner, friends, and family already do, even if they're not reciprocating the same behaviors.
A study from PLOS One on blame-shifting revealed that most ungrateful people rely on this practice to "save face" when they're confronted with the consequences of their own actions (or rather, inaction). By bringing attention to external factors, like their partner's behavior or habits, they can victimize themselves to further manipulate the people in their lives.
8. 'Why am I always unhappy?'
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People who express gratitude more often in their lives are generally more happy than their counterparts. Ungrateful people often feel chronically unfulfilled, from their own personal development to their relationships, because they struggle to express thanks to others in their lives.
According to associate professors of psychology Philip Lazarus and Rachel Ritchie, "Experiencing gratitude actually rewires the brain. It helps communication in neurological pathways. It's been linked to improved sleep, relationship health and mood regulation... There's no negative side effects of feeling gratitude. There are only positive aspects for us."
In addition to the manipulation they constantly rely on and the transactional nature of their relationships, ungrateful individuals' interactions are often guided by the anxiety and expectations they misguidedly burden themselves with.
9. 'I wish I could afford that, but I can't'
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Sometimes, ungrateful people are far less direct when they're expressing disguised requests to the people in their life. By playing the victim and shifting guilt to others, they can ask — without literally asking — for what they need, whether it be emotional support or money.
As psychotherapist Erin Leonard pointed out, "A person who is playing the victim tends to attention-seek, inflict guilt to manipulate, and use a past hardship to escape accountability in a current relationship. Typically, a person who is sincerely grappling with a difficulty accepts empathy and feedback, does not want anything from the listener but to feel understood, and is able to be vulnerable during the conversation."
Of course, if you have healthy connections, partners, family, and friends in your life, they're going to respond to a person who is playing the victim. They don't want to see you hurting or at risk, so they'll sacrifice their own well-being or boundaries to help.
10. 'I didn't ask you to do that for me'
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Whether it's "I can handle it," "I didn't ask you to do that for me," or "You did that voluntarily," truly ungrateful people usually say these phrases when they talk to you. They rely on phrases like this because they know they'll never actually "ask" people to do things for them.
Open communication, emotional support, and loyalty are hallmarks of a healthy relationship. So, if your partner is trying to justify their own actions and mistakes or shifts blame by relying on this phrase, remember: that says more about their perception of a healthy relationship than your actions.
11. 'You're being unfair'
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Many ungrateful people dismiss uncomfortable emotions like guilt by shifting blame onto the other people in their lives. By suggesting it's always everyone else in the wrong and victimizing themselves, they can manipulate others into overstepping their boundaries.
While it might seem "unfair" to ungrateful people who have unrealistically high expectations for the people in their lives, people who re-assert their boundaries can protect their energy in these conversations and relationships.
"To preserve your well-being and protect yourself as much as possible, setting firm, clear boundaries is crucial. You cannot make a chronic manipulator change their behaviors, but you can certainly control how you respond to them," licensed counselor Jamie Cannon suggested.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
