11 Things That Seem Classy But Instantly Make Normal People Feel Uncomfortable
Trying too hard to appear sophisticated can often come off as pretentious.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock In the pursuit of elegance and sophistication, people will often forget that what's meant to impress others can sometimes have the opposite effect. The over-the-top displays of wealth or use of a foreign language can alienate or, even worse, ostracize them from society. The general public eventually thinks there's something wrong and that they're simply trying too hard to impress.
The things that seem classy but instantly make normal people feel uncomfortable are nuanced in people's words and their actions alike. Classiness is subjective, and what one person sees as refined another might perceive as performative. There's a thin line between elegance and excessiveness, and when you cross it, it can turn something charming into something uncomfortable.
Here are 11 things that seem classy but instantly make normal people feel uncomfortable
1. Correcting grammar in conversations
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Correcting someone's grammar in mid-conversation can come across as condescending or dismissive. Spoken language is far more relaxed than writing and people don't expect to be held to textbook standards in everyday chats. Interrupting a person is not only a sign of low intelligence, but it can make them want to stop talking altogether.
In reality, the goal of communication is to connect, not to be perfect in every aspect. People are far more interested in what you are saying than how you precisely say it. It might seem classy or educated to do this, but it actually creates distance instead of rapport.
2. Name-dropping famous people
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Name-dropping is one of the things that seem classy but instantly make normal people feel uncomfortable, as it's often used as a way to impress others but ends up turning them off to what you have to say.
According to a study published in the journal Argumentation, people become uncomfortable when someone name-drops a famous individual without any relevance to the conversation. It's all seen as a social performance to boost their status in the group.
For many, fame is distant and out of touch, so when someone mentions it without context it can interrupt the conversation at hand. It can also signal insecurity in a person rather than confidence. It suggests that they don't feel like their own experiences or character are enough without the proximity to fame.
3. Vocalizing formal dining etiquette
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There's something undeniably elegant about knowing the ins and outs of formal dining etiquette, but when someone starts to vocalize rules at a casual dinner table, what was once proper is now a buzzkill. Instead of bringing people's moods up, it draws unnecessary attention to what others are doing wrong at the table.
People feel judged by how they eat or use their utensils, which will make them want to leave. Additionally, pointing out etiquette rules can make others feel self-conscious, even if the intentions were to teach them something new.
True etiquette isn't about showing off your knowledge of silverware but about creating an environment where everyone feels welcome. So, let them misuse the dessert fork and just enjoy the moment.
4. Talking about expensive hobbies
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Talking to your friends about how the two of you got stuck skiing sounds exciting to you, but all your friends think about is the humblebragging and the price tag. It can be an interesting topic of conversation, but if you didn't read the room and bring it up during someone talking about how they can't afford to pay their rent, it can sound out of touch.
Nobody likes it when their friends brag about stuff, especially if they do these expensive hobbies every other week. It can be tiring for people to continue to stay in contact with you if the only thing you ever want to talk about is how great your life is.
The result is often awkward silence or polite nods from people who'd rather not admit that those things are far outside of their budget. Bring a little humility back from your experiences so they can at least see that you aren't trying to one-up them.
5. Displaying advanced wine knowledge
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Having an extensive knowledge about different wines can be a sign of social hierarchy dominance. A study published in Food Research International found that people in socially dominant positions tend to prefer quality cues that reflect their knowledge of the product, whereas those in socially dominated positions are more attuned to aesthetic cues.
While knowledge in wine can be a sign of expertise in a social setting, it should always be approached with sensitivity to avoid creating discomfort among those less familiar with it. Casual enthusiasm can be contagious, but ego-driven lecturing can be alienating. In mixed company, sometimes the classiest move is to skip the lecture and just raise a glass.
6. Wearing formal attire to casual events
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What you wear to an occasion affects how others approach you. According to a study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, people who wear formal attire are often perceived as higher in status but also less approachable compared to those in casual dress. This creates a social imbalance in casual settings where informality is expected.
The overly formal guest often finds themselves on the fringe of the social totem pole at a casual event despite getting admired for their dress appeal. Many people overdress out of anxiety or habit rather than vanity. Perhaps they were teased about not being properly dressed at some point in their lives and it has stuck with them as adults. There's nothing wrong with looking sharp, as long as it's not to an outrageous extreme.
7. Overusing foreign phrases to sound cool
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For many, speaking in a foreign language can add flair to a conversation, especially when you're in the heart of the land where that language is from. But it can be extremely annoying to native speakers, becoming one of the many things that seem classy but instantly make normal people feel uncomfortable.
It can even be mentally exhausting when they travel back to their country of origin and continue to use these foreign phrases. However, this also occurs with native speakers, who can fall victim to this facade of a performance.
A study published in Speech Communication found that many foreigners engage in "foreigner talk," where native speakers adjust their speech when interacting with non-native speakers.
In the United States, this is often referred to as "code-switching," where a person switches the way they talk to others based on the individual. Most of the time this is due to a language barrier.
8. Forcing staff to be present during gatherings
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Having staff, like drivers or a nanny, at a private gathering or family outing can seem sophisticated, but it can also make people uncomfortable. It's not the staff's presence, but your insistence on having them do everything for you, when you could have easily given them time off.
And employees find this just as awkward as the guests do. A study published in the Journal of Management Studies determined that employees often feel uncomfortable when forced to participate in organizational events, especially when these events blur the line between professional and personal life. Staff and other employees might feel the need to conform to certain behaviors that don't align with their personal preferences.
9. Discussing private schools
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One of the more obvious things that seem classy but instantly make normal people feel uncomfortable is discussing wealth in a subtle way. Something like discussing private school in a casual conversation can feel like a hint to those around you that you came from money.
For some, it's just an educational background, but for others it can be a reflection of income inequality, the idea that certain children get access to top tier education because they came from money rather than their own merit.
Most people can't afford a private education, so it may feel awkward even when you're just trying to share your experience. Discussing alma maters or networking can remind us of the struggle with economical gaps in society, but what feels like a proud detail for one person might sound like an uncomfortable hierarchy to another.
10. Making a home minimalistic
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Having all white walls, curtains, and bed linens might seem like a classy thing to do, but can actually be considered a bit plain by guests who come over, making them feel uncomfortable. The absence of personal touches and colors feels like a lack of warmth within your home. Guests might worry about leaving stains by accident, which could make them avoid coming back.
Certain design choices within your home can affect your mood and mental health as well. According to a 2021 study, biophilic design elements within a home such as natural views and curved structures lower stress levels. A home is about comfort and character, and should make people feel welcome and like they belong.
11. Displaying expensive decor
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Displaying high-end decor might seem like a mark of refined taste, but when these pieces are positioned specifically for conversation rather than atmosphere, they feel more like social bait. This shifts the tone of your home from being inviting to transforming into a museum where you lecture guests about pieces you have acquired over the years.
Your guests are left thinking that not only are you pretentious, but you spent a ton of money on something that is unnecessary. And according to a study published in Heliyon, when people who have low self-esteem perceive themselves as a higher social class, they are more likely to engage in conspicuous consumption to compensate for their inadequacies.
This behavior can lead to uncomfortable guests who feel pressured by the overt display of wealth. In that way, trying too hard to look classy will actually have the opposite effect.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author with a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
