11 Habits That Make People Quietly Judge You, Even If They’d Never Admit It
Have you unknowingly participated in any of these behaviors?
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Even the most empathetic, understanding, and thoughtful people still get annoyed by seemingly subtle behaviors and habits—it’s human nature. We all notice things, get triggered by strange behaviors, and cope with stress, anxiety, and overwhelm by occasionally hyper-fixating on other people’s habits. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person; it’s just a reflection of where we may be struggling, insecure, resentful, or simply bored.
Many habits that make people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it, may be toxic or malicious under the right circumstances, but for the most part, they’re innocent. From speaking in conversations to building friendships, it’s important to recognize that nobody is perfect. However, awareness of some subtle habits you may be engaging in that push people away is a great first step toward self-awareness.
Here are 11 habits that make people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it:
1. Being a ‘one-upper’
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According to a study from the Athens Journal of Mass Media and Communications, there are several reasons why people develop attention-seeking habits like being a “one-upper” in conversations, including jealousy, low self-esteem, and sometimes even loneliness. In conversations, they may try to cope with their anxiety or insecurity by making everything about themselves or subtly dismissing other people to make space for themselves.
Of course, it’s not always malicious or intentionally self-centered. In fact, it often goes completely unnoticed by the person doing it. It’s second nature—they want to feel understood, valued, and important, but don’t have the communication or social skills to cultivate those feelings healthily.
Someone who’s actively invalidated or dismissed by this behavior may quietly judge. Still, they’ll never admit it, especially if they have a casual relationship with the person or understand the insecurity, fear, and anxiety they’re experiencing.
2. Humblebragging
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Phrases like “I have no idea how to manage all this money” or “I’m so exhausted, my other friends always want to hang out” can feel innocent to the person saying them, but for others, they tend to feel dismissive, insecure, and petty. Humblebragging is a way for people to feel valued, special, or like the center of attention, even if they’re not entirely sure they’re doing it.
It’s one habit that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it. Of course, your friends and family want to hear about your achievements and success, but if you’re looking for praise or attention, there’s no need to indirectly ask for it — share what you’re excited about and proud of.
3. Name-dropping
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Like humblebrags and other attention-seeking behaviors, name-dropping in conversations can feel dismissive and annoying to people who are constantly listening to it. If you want to talk about your connections or share your excitement about meeting someone cool and famous, just talk about it.
According to psychologist Liane Davey, people who name-drop are most frequently fueled by insecurity. They don’t feel like their authentic identity, language, or behaviors speak for themselves, so they name-drop to signal prestige, superiority, and attention.
However, a study from the Social Influence journal found that name-dropping tends to backfire on people who use it too regularly in conversations, causing them to be perceived as less competent and more manipulative by the person they’re speaking to.
4. Leaving your dog in the car
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While it may not be technically illegal in many places, leaving your dog in the car unsupervised, even for just a few minutes, with a window cracked, and in moderate temperatures, is still incredibly dangerous. It’s a daily habit that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it.
Many people would prefer to see your kids in the car unsupervised while you’re in the store than your dog looking back at them in the parking lot. People are fierce advocates for animals, especially pets, so, unsurprisingly, many are happy to judge people who make this decision, no matter the outcome.
5. Constantly checking your phone
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According to a PLOS One study, everyone wants to feel heard and valued in their relationships, whether with peers at work or their roommates at home. Even when it’s not malicious or mean, people who check their phones when talking to or interacting with others generally make them feel dismissed, invalidated, and unheard.
It’s okay to feel like you need to keep up with relationships online and stay present in social media's happenings, but don’t let your phone take precedence over being present and engaged with the people right in front of you.
6. Overusing slang or swear words
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While swearing can sometimes alleviate stress and slang prompts feelings of community and belonging, too much of either can spark a negative perception of you in conversations and social interactions. There’s a time and place for everything — of course, if being yourself means swearing and using slang around your friends, partners, and family, you should feel empowered to do so.
However, if you constantly slip up and swear at work or try to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t understand your slang, connection and understanding could get lost quite easily.
7. Being loud in public
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Considering people being loud and lacking social awareness in public spaces has taken a downward turn, according to Pew Research Center, alongside the emergence of cell phones and social media, it’s not surprising that this is one of the habits that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it.
It’s less common than it used to be, so being interrupted by a loud peer or even distracted by someone’s loud speaking voice on the phone is more annoying and frustrating than it might’ve been just a couple of decades ago.
8. Being overly cynical
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Cynicism and negativity are more often than not a defense mechanism for uncertainty, anxiety, and fears of rejection or disappointment. Rather than taking the time to acknowledge their complex emotions, these people expect the worst, bring up negative thoughts, and adopt a cynical attitude that tends to wear off on their relationships, well-being, and mental health.
Being overly cynical is one habit that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it. They’d prefer to drift away and take a step back than point it out, especially if they’re giving you grace for your situation or empathizing with the adversities you’ve endured. However, that doesn’t make this negative energy any less toxic.
9. Being late
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Being late or consistently unreliable is one habit that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it. Everyone wants to feel valued by their friends and family, but it has the opposite effect if they can’t even make an effort to show up when they say they will and respect your time.
While there are certainly a number of realistic excuses and scenarios where being late is out of your control, mediating the consequences of unreliability and avoiding a pattern is key to protecting your mental health, well-being, and relationships.
10. Canceling plans at the last minute
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Even if they can give grace to their friends, understand the excuse behind cancellations, and even feel relief that they don’t have to get ready or leave the house, having someone in your life who regularly and consistently cancels plans can feel dismissive and annoying. It’s one habit that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it, especially if someone is lying or making strange excuses instead of simply saying “no” or “I don’t want to.”
Everyone wants to feel valued and prioritized in their relationships — when you cancel, show up late, or never reach out, you do the opposite.
11. Leaving a mess in shared spaces
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Part of the resentment that roommates, close friends, and family members struggle with revolves around seemingly innocent things like cleaning shared spaces. When someone’s shared space isn’t respected by others, even if it’s not intentionally dirtied or messed up, it can transform into a habit that makes people quietly judge you, even if they’d never admit it.
Of course, having these conversations can feel intrusive and uncomfortable, but for the most part, ignoring them leads to disconnection and resentment that sabotages relationships and healthy bonds.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
