11 Things We All Quietly Pretend Are Normal Now, Even Though They're Not
These behaviors and ideas are sabotaging our peace without us even realizing.
C Model | Shutterstock In a flurry of toxic social norms, stigmas, expectations, and standards, it's not surprising that many of us feel lost trying to craft a life we're both comfortable in and proud of. Every part of our life can be overtaken by appeasing others and "fitting in" if we're not careful — whether it's self-expression, pursuing a career, crafting a relationship, or building our identities. However, it's usually not our own fault when we're struggling, but our environment and the ideas we've been forced to subscribe to.
Of course, there are a number of things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not, that make authenticity, rest, and wellness difficult. We've normalized toxic behaviors, traits, and ideas that sabotage our ability to find peace and lead to unnecessary stress, resentment, anger, and exhaustion.
Here are 11 things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not
1. Not having any free time
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Not having any free time is one of the things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not. Especially considering wealthy people have more leisure time to enjoy, alongside financial comfort and stability, it's not surprising that the cycle of poverty runs deeper than simply income and cash flow.
People even need to take PTO to get all of their errands done — with the average person balancing nearly 1,000 life admin tasks a year — struggling to get all of their household tasks, family responsibilities, and work complete.
It's not only taking away from the kinds of activities, like working out, investing in hobbies, or making time for social connection, that add value to our lives and well-being through free time, it's isolating us and promoting burnout.
2. Working from bed
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While remote work has certainly risen over the years, and with it, productivity, there are still many behaviors about working from home that some people get wrong. For example, we've all quietly normalized working from our bedrooms or even right from our beds, and while it might be comfortable, it's quietly diminishing your quality of life.
According to nurse educator Debra Sulliven, working from your bed doesn't just have negative physical impacts — like reducing sleep quality, sparking neck and back pain, and even heightening daily fatigue — it also crafts an unhealthy balance of boundaries at home. When you're working from bed, your brain doesn't know how to differentiate between rest, free time, personal space and work.
While remote and hybrid working structures are normal in today's world, working from bed shouldn't be. So get up, get dressed (yes, even from the waist down), and set boundaries with yourself about where you're working at home.
3. Constantly watching the news
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Whether you're scrolling through it on social media, watching it on television, or reading news outlet alerts throughout the day on your phone, constantly keeping up with the news is one of the things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not.
While it's certainly important to know what's going on in the world and to have a baseline understanding to have important discussions, putting your own mental health and general well-being at risk for the sake of staying informed should never be normalized.
4. Being available 100% of the time
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Many people sabotage their relationships and their internal well-being when they burden themselves with an obligation to be available for everyone 100% of the time.
For some people, it's a side effect of people-pleasing; for others, a consequence of having poor work boundaries. But for the majority of people it's truly a mindset issue. Whether it's personal relationships or company loyalty, feeling and burdening yourself with pressures to be present and available all of the time is not healthy.
We all need to be more intentional about normalizing a balance. It's okay to set your own needs aside occasionally to help others, but it should never be a consistent practice to ignore, suppress, and dismiss yourself.
5. Googling sickness symptoms
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According to KFF surveys, nearly half of Americans struggle to afford healthcare costs, unable to seek out support when they're sick, necessary medications, or preventative care.
Not only does this perpetuate a cycle of poverty that's inherently intertwined with health, well-being, and social support, it encourages people to rely on unhealthy behaviors like Googling their symptoms and relying on nonprofessional opinions for care online.
Despite all of that, it's one of the things we quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not, because it's a societal issue that seems far too large and overwhelming to address for the average person already overwhelmed with their daily life.
6. Making work our entire identity
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Not only is it toxic for your personal well-being and mental health, but making work your entire personality and identity is also detrimental to your relationships, social life, and personal time. When you structure your entire life around company loyalty and overachieving at work, you're more prone to burnout and less likely to have a work-life balance that ensures you stay grounded.
Whether it's losing your job, getting let go, or struggling to find purpose in your career, when your job is your identity, everything can come crashing down at any inconvenience — and that's not normal.
7. Performative identities
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With such strong influences from popular culture, media, and consumption online on every generation today, but especially on Gen Z and other younger demographics, it's not surprising that so many people are struggling with performative identities.
Everyone is yearning for community and a sense of belonging, so much so that they're struggling with truly embracing authenticity, and instead following trends and adopting societal expectations for how they should act, look, and behave.
Being performative with our identity and following trends are some of the things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not. Our spending habits are influenced by influencers online, we're trying to "fit in" by adopting hobbies other people are doing, and even overlooking our own needs to craft a presence for other people to be envious of.
While it's not a problem everyone is experiencing in the same way, the pressures that affect us online and in popular culture are becoming radically normalized and ingrained in our daily lives — from identity formation, to filling our alone time, and even building our relationships.
8. Romanticizing burnout
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While traditional ideas about "hustle culture" like company loyalty and productivity might have been more common for baby boomers and Gen Xers, the idea of romanticizing burnout is prevalent for everyone. From doing "all-nighters" to finish homework to working long hours at the office, it's one of the things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not.
Overachieving and being the most productive person at work might award you with praise, but that doesn't make it any less unhealthy to indulge. From sleep quality, to mental health, relationships, and physical well-being, romanticizing burnout and avoiding rest is detrimental to everyone.
9. Saying 'I'm fine' when we're not
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Especially for men in today's society, suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability is quite common — rooted in societal expectations, mental health stigmas, and toxic ideas about what "masculinity" truly means. However, saying "I'm fine" and ignoring vulnerable conversations — whether you're unpacking trauma of your own or resolving conflict with others — only sparks resentment and tension in every aspect of your life.
Closeness, community, and wellness are intertwined with vulnerability, so it's important to craft emotional intelligence by engaging in practices and behaviors that allow you to express and regulate emotions. We might have normalized hyper-masculinity and unhealthy ideas about mental health being "a weakness," but that doesn't mean it's right or healthy.
10. Ghosting
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Ghosting — where one person completely cuts off contact and communication with another, without warning — is a confusing and disillusioning experience. It's not only a sign of immaturity to avoid having hard conversations and expressing your true feelings, but one that can truly impact another's mental health, self-esteem, and relationships.
We've normalized it in our culture — ghosting on dating apps, blocking people's numbers, and refusing to respond to texts. But that doesn't mean it's healthy or productive for most people and relationships.
11. Feeling guilty for resting
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Rest is essential to our well-being and general health — whether it's deep rest, like a study from the Psychological Review explains, or daily moments of mindfulness that give you a break from the chaos. It not only helps to counteract unhelpful ideas about productivity and work that lead to burnout, it ensures we show up as our best selves in our personal and alone time.
Feeling guilty for resting is one of the things we all quietly pretend are normal now, even though they're not. We overwork ourselves for external validation, throw everything into being productive, and even put our needs to the side for the sake of others to compensate for our insecurities and anxieties.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
