11 Things Privileged People Say Without Realizing How Out Of Touch They Sound
Failing to see the extent of their privilege is a privilege.
sergey causelove / Shutterstock We all know at least one person who leads a privileged life. They seem totally out of touch with reality and constantly contradict themselves, saying things like hard work is essential and then telling you money isn’t everything. It can be hard for the average person to be around them and tolerate that kind of behavior, especially since they think there’s nothing wrong.
In her essay White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, Peggy McIntosh explained, “Access to privilege doesn’t determine one’s outcomes, but it is an asset that makes it more likely that whatever talent, ability, and aspirations a person with privilege has will result in something positive for them.” The unfortunate thing is that privileged people often don’t think of themselves that way, and will say some pretty bizarre things as a result.
Here are 11 things privileged people say without realizing how out of touch they sound
1. ‘I worked hard to get to where I am’
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One misconception a privileged person will often have about themselves is that they went through a lot of hard work to get where they are today. It’s not necessarily true that a privileged person isn’t a hard worker or didn’t have to apply some elbow grease to get to the place they’re at now. But glossing over all of the things that made it easier for them to get to where they are can feel downright rude when you’re down in the trenches.
Brian S. Lowery, a professor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, pointed out that it can be difficult for privileged people to accept the truth of their situation because it goes against some very important American ideals, like succeeding because of hard work and talent. The privileged are uncomfortable acknowledging that they had certain advantages in life because it means admitting that they didn’t have to work as hard as some other people did.
Privileged people can be hard workers. However, the very definition of privilege suggests that there was something there that set them apart in the first place and made it easier for them to get to the top. Implying that they reached the pinnacle of success on their own merits alone is false, and does nothing but lead to hurt feelings.
2. ‘Money can’t buy happiness'
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If only this adage were true. Typically, people who have a lot of money tell you money can’t buy happiness. They have so much money that they don’t realize it is quite literally buying happiness. Instead, they assume their world is typical and everyone is experiencing the same things, which is not true.
Sarah Whitmire, LPC-S, ATR-BC, said the idea that money cannot but happiness isn’t completely true, as much as we might want it to be. “Money can bring about happiness or a sense of satisfaction that can feel like happiness because it allows security and reduces constant financial anxiety and fear,” she said.
While money is not responsible for the relationships and other little things in life that bring you joy, the level of stability it brings can make you happier than someone living with a lot of stress and worries due to money troubles. Privileged people who are used to living without financial struggles just don’t understand this.
3. ‘My parents can help’
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Privileged people often got there because they had a leg up. And, often, that came from their parents. If someone’s first instinct is to get their parents involved in a situation that’s turned sticky for them, especially if it involves money, there’s a good chance they’re privileged. They’re used to getting what they want and letting someone else do all the hard work to get them there.
Licensed psychotherapist and relational trauma recovery specialist Annie Wright, LMFT, shared that being able to rely on your parents at all is its own kind of privilege in and of itself. She described it as “a reminder and a rekindling of grief and frustration that we don’t necessarily have the privilege of functional, healthy, devoted and resourced parents and guardians to turn to when life gets hard, confusing or complex.”
Privileged people have relied on their parents their whole lives and know they are the key to getting them out of any tough spots. They don’t have to do any heavy lifting themselves when they can count on their parents to do it. While it’s a good thing to have reliable parents, knowing you can turn to them to fix any mess you’ve made is a bit over the top.
4. ‘Just try harder’
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Privileged people don’t understand that you can’t always work your way out of a bad situation. As they’ve mostly had everything handed to them their whole lives, they assume all it takes to succeed and overcome is a little bit more hard work, a little more trying on your part. But being a hard worker doesn’t fix every problem.
Again, being privileged doesn’t mean you don’t work hard. It just means you have it easier. As a staff writer for Global Citizen said, “Having privilege does not mean that an individual is immune to life’s hardships, but it does mean having an unearned benefit or advantage one receives in society by nature of their identity.”
If someone says you just need to try or work a little harder, they likely don’t understand the gravity of whatever it is you’re going through because of their privilege. They think everyone’s life should be as simple as their own, and that the world moves just as smoothly for everyone, regardless of who they are.
5. ‘You shouldn’t use money as an excuse to not do something'
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Whether it’s making a big purchase, like an international vacation, or just treating yourself to a small shopping spree, a privileged person won’t understand why you would choose not to do something because of money. After all, money is no object to them, so why should it be for you? They’ll think money is no reason not to do something because they don’t know what it’s like not to have any.
This could be the difference between having a scarcity and an abundance mindset when it comes to money. However, while many people often think the money mindset you have is something you can change and develop on your own, it can be something that is deeply rooted in you because of how you grew up or the state your finances are in now.
Forbes contributor Julia M. Carson said, “When you take from abundance, it doesn’t go away. This is the opposite of a scarcity mindset, which is a zero-sum game, meaning that there is only so much wealth to go around.” Most people live with a scarcity mindset because that’s all they’ve ever known. It doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong. It’s just the way life is for them.
6. ‘Try going on vacation to clear your head’
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A privileged person will expect those around them to have equally privileged reactions to problems. If you’re dealing with a lot, the only logical response is to take some time away from the world and escape on vacation, right? Well, maybe for the privileged. The average person doesn’t have the time, energy, or money to spend on a vacation every time things don’t go the way they want.
The Brain and Behavior Research Foundation pointed out that there are a lot of benefits to taking a vacation. For example, it reduces stress and increases productivity. It can also help you sleep better and even lead to a lower risk of heart attacks. All of these things sound like pretty great reasons why you should take a vacation.
But, for most, this isn’t feasible. They don’t have enough money, they can’t take the time off from work, and the planning is so much work that it doesn’t feel worth it. This may be a go-to for the privileged few, but the average person can’t just drop everything and leave town for a while. It’s not practical, and suggesting it sounds out of touch.
7. ‘If you don’t want to work, just take the day off’
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If someone is financially privileged, there’s a good chance they have a position high on the corporate ladder, which grants them some major flexibility. If they don’t want to show up for work, they just won’t, and there will be no repercussions. Most workers can’t do this. A day off from work is a big deal, and there are only so many they can take. Not feeling like working typically isn’t a strong enough reason to skip.
Australia’s Better Health Channel discussed how damaging stress caused by work can be. “For example, a person might feel under pressure if the demands of their job (such as hours or responsibilities) are greater than they can completely manage,” they said. “Other sources of work-related stress include conflict with co-workers or bosses, constant change, and threats to job security, such as potential redundancy.”
In other words, having the option to take the occasional day off from work when it just feels like it’s all too much would be extremely beneficial. However, most people don’t have that opportunity. They work because they have to, and not to supplement existing wealth. It’s their lifeline. Privileged people just don’t understand this.
8. ‘That’s never happened to me’
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While it’s true that a privileged person can go through hard times and trials of, they will likely be different from what the average person experiences. As such, it would be likely for a privileged person to say that something doesn’t resonate for them the same way it does for the average person.
Writing for Vice, Beth Ashley noted, “A lot of well-off people are so busy spending their money that they don’t think too deeply about other people’s situations. And if that money has genuinely been earned, it’s hard for them to observe the factors that might have helped them along.” Sometimes the privileged are simply blind to the problems of others, or just can’t understand them because of their own experiences.
While the person probably doesn’t mean it that harshly, it still sounds incredibly out of touch and can feel hurtful. Wanting to be understood by others is a universal human emotion, so facing such a blatant lack of empathy is bound to sting.
9. ‘Why try to fix it when you could just replace it?’
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In yet another example of privileged people not knowing the true worth of a dollar, they might suggest replacing something that’s easily fixable. Why have the repairman out for a fridge or dryer when you could get a new one? For someone financially privileged, getting the new thing feels obvious, but for most people, fixing something until it absolutely won’t work anymore is much more practical.
According to the Defense Acquisition University, “At some point in the life cycle of an item, a decision must be made regarding repairing the item or replacing that item for a new one. The decision is normally made using cost factors, with one rule of thumb used by industry being the ‘50% rule’, with the basic tenet being if a repair exceeds 50% of the total cost of replacing the item, then go with the replacement.”
If you can save money by fixing something instead of replacing it, it makes perfect sense to do so. Privileged people don’t always see it that way, though. They’re used to having the newest and best versions of everything, so they assume everyone else should too. For many, this just isn’t an option.
10. ‘It doesn’t matter how much it costs’
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Similarly, privileged people will often say it doesn’t really matter how much something costs. Instead, they think that if it makes you happy or makes your life better in some way, you should buy it, regardless of price. Because if it does that, "how can the cost matter?" they would argue.
Financial coach Whitney Hansen described how problematic this type of thinking can be. She said the attitude of treating oneself can be twisted into something toxic, even by the most well-meaning people. Some people simply don’t have the funds to do that, so they need to save up. Meanwhile, good people in their lives are telling them to buy things.
How much something costs may not matter to a few people, but the majority of people have to think carefully about how to budget their money. That’s OK and not something to be ashamed of. If you can’t afford it, that’s all right.
11. ‘I’m not privileged’
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If a privileged person doesn’t understand they are privileged, it’s possible they would argue they weren’t. Instead, they think they’re just like you, with all of the same opportunities and options. This is not the case. However, someone confused or just plain wrong about privilege might think it is.
Michael Karson, PhD, JD, explained that for many people, they are simply too privileged to realize they are privileged in the first place. “Everybody wants to go about his or her business, strive for excellence, enjoy their friendships, and not have to think about this stuff,” he said. “But when your stigmatized environments are ubiquitous and costly, it’s hard to escape situation consciousness, the constant need to attend to what is going on around you.”
Karson noted this is particularly prevalent for white men. Sometimes, they don't see or understand their privilege. Whether you think this is intentional in some way or makes them a bad person is up for your own personal, nuanced interpretation of the person and the situation.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
