11 Things People Start Doing When They've Emotionally Checked Out Of Their Social Life
When they're over it, they're really (emotionally) over it.
LightField Studios | Shutterstock Some people have a breaking point in their social life — a moment when they realize that they are surrounded by people who really don't care about them or only bring them grief. As a result, their behavior changes, and the things people start doing when they've emotionally checked out of their social life become all-encompassing.
Having been in that position and seen others in that position, it's hard to ignore some of the bigger habits that happen when you reach that point of no return. If any of these ring true for you or even a former friend, it's possible they're checked out of their social life and are unlikely to return.
Here are 11 things people start doing when they've emotionally checked out of their social life
1. They go silent online
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The biggest change you'll see in someone who has checked out of their social life is a sudden stop in their social media posts. Almost everything they post is going to be for work, for their own business, or well... actually, that will likely be it.
You'll notice that they just don't reach out the way they did before. They'll stop hanging out on Discord or Slack, too. Basically, they'll start to feel more like a person you've never met. As licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White mentioned, "We only have so much 'social capacity' to commit to friendships... We may feel a little sad when we see once close friendships become more distant."
2. They put in no effort
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You've likely heard about people "quiet quitting" relationships, right? Well, when you're totally fried from social engagement, you'll see a lot of the same behavior pop up.
A person who's lost interest in socializing is going to act like they're quiet quitting. They stop reaching out, planning, or even RSVPing to major events. In short, they put no effort at all into socializing, even with people they know extremely well.
3. Big things don't seem to matter
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One of the things people start doing when they've emotionally checked out of their social life is not showing up. Perhaps your friend used to be the one who would always call someone up if they thought you weren't doing well. They were the person who would also be the first one to cut drama or take a group's side.
Nowadays, they don't even react when they hear earth-shattering news. They just shrug and tell you, "Okay... maybe you should talk to someone about it?" It's not only incredibly painful, but according to licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jennifer Litner, "Feeling unsure whether you can actually turn to someone when you need them... provides little relief. An absence of emotional support can leave you feeling isolated and more miserable than before."
4. They withdraw from social outings
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One of the most obvious things people start doing when they've emotionally checked out of their social life is literally not socializing with anyone outside of their home. Along with the silence being deafening online, lately you can't seem to get a hold of them no matter what you do.
If your friend is usually a social butterfly, this could be a sign that they're depressed, according to a study published in Scientific Reports. Or, if depression isn't really the likely culprit, it could be that they checked out of their social life for one reason or another.
5. They feel squeezed out
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Let's say that your friend used to be a major cornerstone of your social events. Lately, though, they haven't been as interested in communicating with you. Even when you invite them, you get the feeling that they'd rather be elsewhere.
You may have even confronted them, but that doesn't mean they are going to admit what's up. Because emotionally checked out people tend to lose interest in what they once loved, and feel disconnected from their social circle, it makes sense that they don't always know how to tell people they're not into it.
6. They can't find pleasure in things they once did
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People who are very deeply checked out don't always know why they are the way they are. In many cases, being heavily checked out can be a sign of depression. Part of that whole "checked out" attitude comes from a certain level of numbness.
The official name for this is anhedonia, but the overall meaning is that you struggle to be emotionally engaged. Things that would have thrilled you earlier no longer do much of anything for you.
7. They isolate themselves
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Sometimes, being checked out makes sense. In some cases, major events that involve betrayal or repeated exclusion make people decide that it's no longer worth trying to go out of their way to be social anymore.
In Japan, people who have suffered severe trauma from socializing go for a more extreme version of just mentally checking out. As research published in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease explained, the term "hikikomori" was coined to explain the number of people who just dropped out of society, dating, and socializing as a whole. A hikikomori doesn't just withdraw from socializing, they basically turn into shut-ins.
8. Their appearance is disheveled
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People often underestimate how much we tend to dress up and groom for others. When a person stops caring about their social life, they tend to stop caring about their appearance, their clothes and, to a point, their own hygiene.
If your friend was the type to "peacock" their looks during every party, it should be obvious that something isn't right, because one of the biggest things people start doing when they've emotionally checked out of their social life is not paying attention to how they look.
Instead of jeans, they may walk around in sweatpants or stained shorts. Instead of designer duds, they may start going for generic stuff. Much like with other indicators, this can also be a sign of depression.
9. Their visits are short and rushed
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We all have social gatherings that tend to be fairly obligatory if we want to keep up certain appearances. And because humans have the innate need to be accepted, it's clear something is wrong if this person seems to not really care about being around you.
A person who is checked out will make it clear that they don't want to be there. They will rush things, check their watch, look bored, and come up with any excuse to avoid being fully present.
10. They prioritize other less important things
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Many people who become emotionally checked out tend to reprioritize. They may start to bury themselves in work, turn to church, or just focus on YouTube streams over their social lives.
This behavior is because they no longer find joy in their social lives. So, they tend to go for things that might bring them joy, or at least not cause them harm.
11. They openly admit how checked out they are
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One thing most people tend to ignore is how often people will tell you that they're checked out, as therapist Chris MacLeod mentioned. If you start hearing a friend complaining about your relationship with them, it could be a sign that they're sending a last-ditch signal of their unhappiness with the status quo.
If you care about your friend, you might want to take time to actually listen to their complaints and work something out. Otherwise, you might lose your buddy for good.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
