11 Things People Only Do If They Are Not Narcissists
Olga Gu | Shutterstock Nowadays, the word "narcissism" gets thrown around all too easily. Whether it's claiming anyone with a bad attitude is a narcissist or a person showing a negative behavior once is a narcissist, most of us have lost the plot between what it really means to have this personality disorder. And while there are specific traits that classify someone as such, there are certain things people only do if they are not narcissists.
Now, it isn't always easy to spot a narcissist. Most are charming and can easily manipulate those around them. However, if a person shows through action and authenticity that they're altruistic and kind, it's likely safe to say they're not a narcissist. In fact, they're probably just another normal person.
Here are 11 things people only do if they are not narcissists
1. They're mindful of their tone of voice
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Narcissists don't particularly care if they hurt someone's feelings. They tend to be cold-hearted, and they aren't interested in playing nice; rather, they're interested in winning. Because of this, they'll say or do whatever it takes to get their way. Even if it means coming off as rude or passive-aggressive, they have zero regrets about it.
Unfortunately, according to psychologist Rick Hanson, "People are more sensitive to tone than to the explicit content of spoken or written language," adding that a sharp tone is hurtful. For someone who isn't a narcissist, they're aware of how they speak.
2. They apologize, even when it may not be their fault
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One of the most key things people only do if they are not narcissists is apologize, even if they may not be in the wrong. On the flip side, if there's one thing a narcissist will never do, it's admit they're wrong. It doesn't matter how much they hurt someone, because their huge ego leads them to never take accountability.
Admitting that they hurt someone can make a person feel guilty, leading to defensiveness. However, for those who value their relationships, they aren't afraid to push aside their pride. If it means letting bygones be bygones, they're more than willing to apologize, even if it isn't their fault.
3. They feel guilty for needing space
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It's always awkward to tell someone you need space. Whether it's a family member or a partner, saying "I need a little space to think" is like stepping on LEGO bricks. Yet, while feelings of guilt may be the norm for people who aren't narcissists, true narcissists never feel guilty. Believing that they're always in the right, they convince themselves and others that their actions are justifiable.
As licensed marriage and family therapist Karyl McBride said, "Narcissists are not in touch with their own feelings. They project those feelings onto others and are not capable of empathy. They cannot put themselves into your shoes and feel or understand how something might affect you."
4. They check on people who don't check on them
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It's easy to allow emotions to get the better of them when they feel alone in life. From friends never responding to messages to being left alone during crucial moments, most narcissists would rather stub their toe than ever check up on someone.
And while certain people might not be narcissists, this doesn't mean they aren't human. Like anyone else, the average person feels some type of way about flaky or distant friends. But unlike a narcissist, they have enough empathy to push aside their differences and do the right thing.
5. They're anxious when someone is upset with them
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If there's one thing most narcissists don't care about, it's other people's feelings. As cruel as it sounds, if it isn't affecting their daily life, they don't truly care how upset their loved ones are with their behavior.
According to a YouGov poll, around 49% of people are self-identified people-pleasers. So, while it may seem like everyone around them is a complete narcissist, most people care more than they'd like to admit. And caring about others is a huge sign that the person they're dealing with isn't toxic.
6. They try to fix problems they didn't create
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Fixing problems they didn't create in the first place is another of the things people only do if they are not narcissists. Because if someone truly cares, their actions will speak louder than their words. Sure, it isn't their problem or their drama, but if their loved one is involved and needs support, there's nothing they won't do to be there for them.
Whether it's waking up extremely early to be present or helping financially, they're there for them regardless. But for narcissists, they only show up when it's convenient for them. Wanting to be rewarded, they'll only try to fix something if it benefits them.
7. They think about the impact of their words
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Narcissists don't care about another person's feelings. It doesn't matter how long they've known them for — when push comes to shove, a narcissist will always put their own feelings first.
As therapy trainer Elinor Greenberg explained, "Narcissists do not want to hear about your day, your worries, or anything else that does not directly enhance their life... Unfortunately, narcissists are very self-centered and rarely care about anything that does not directly benefit them or make them feel important."
8. They feel genuine remorse for hurting someone's feelings
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It's never a good feeling to hurt someone. Even if they deserve it, the fallen look on their face is enough to snap anyone out of their revenge streak. But the average narcissist doesn't care much about sparing any feelings. If someone hurts them, they'll get even, no matter what it takes.
But because it's one of the things people only do if they are not narcissists, they feel awful when their loved one cries or becomes silent. They aren't keen on tearing down others all for the sake of winning. This is why they're always quick to apologize and show genuine remorse.
9. They blame themselves, not others
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Someone may love the narcissist in their life. They might look back at the good times and try to find excuses as to why they act the way that they do. But for a narcissist, they're entirely self-centered and are willing to throw their loved ones under the bus if it means winning big.
Taking accountability is tough for anyone. No matter how much it's needed, most people struggle to push their pride to the side. However, if someone truly adores a person, they're more than willing if it makes things right.
10. They replay arguments in their head
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Most narcissists don't think about how their actions hurt those around them. As cruel as it sounds, once an argument is over and they get what they want, they move on and focus on more important things in their life: themselves.
But for people who aren't narcissists, they're riddled with guilt, ruminating over what transpired. They may toss and turn at night or become an anxious mess, overthinking everything they ever said or did during the interaction. And if they're feeling guilty, they'll apologize again and again while promising to make it up somehow, some way.
11. They adjust their energy when someone is uncomfortable
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They might get offended if someone points it out, but narcissists aren't thinking about how their actions make those around them feel. They're in their own little world, and if it inconveniences others, they aren't afraid to completely disregard those needs.
Completely self-absorbed, they don't care to notice how someone feels. As social psychologist Ronald E. Riggio pointed out, "Narcissism is extreme selfishness. The narcissist has an inflated view of self and believes that his or her talents and accomplishments are superior to those of others. Narcissists are arrogant, expect to be the center of attention, and lack empathy."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
