Narcissistic People Almost Always Say These 11 Phrases When They Don't Get Their Way
Narcissists rely on their words to get under a person's skin.
De Visu | Shutterstock There's nothing more frustrating than dealing with someone who always has to be right and somehow manages to twist every bad situation into not being their fault. When interacting with a narcissist, they tend to be extremely reluctant to not only hear the word "no," but reckon with the fact that failing is just something that happens throughout life. What's different about narcissists is that they can come off as being exceedingly charming and even confident, but the second that things stop going their way, their true color almost always end up coming out.
It's because they can't handle that loss of control well at all. The moment they feel their power slipping through their fingers, they immediately become manipulative, even going as far as to start arguments with people because they know their words can be very hurtful. And whether it's saying someone is sensitive or playing off an offensive comment as a "joke," narcissistic people almost always say these phrases when they don't get their way. They enjoy tapping into their arsenal of toxic words to avoid responsibility and hopefully regain just a smidge of that control they love so much.
Narcissistic people almost always say these 11 phrases when they don't get their way
1. 'You're overreacting'
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
A narcissistic person can't help but immediately start gaslighting people into thinking they're the ones overreacting when it's actually just them. They'll usually hit people with this line as a way to make them doubt what they're feeling and saying, and for the most part, it does end up working.
You'll quickly start replaying conversations and moments back in your head, wondering if you might have come on too strong or just made a big deal out of absolutely nothing. But that's usually the point.
Narcissistic people rely on trying to confuse and trip you up because it ends up taking the spotlight off of their own behavior. While you're busy trying to figure out what's actually going on with your own feelings, they're able to just get right off that hook, unscathed.
"It's difficult not to react, particularly if you've been actively targeted for a significant period of time, but withholding your emotions when you're being criticized or insulted is the best way to disarm the narcissist and his or her enablers," encouraged trauma recovery expert Julie L. Hall.
2. 'I guess nothing I say matters'
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
Narcissists thrive on being able to play the victim. The second they know they're not getting their way with something, they'll pull out any sympathy card they have up their sleeve so that the other person immediately backs down.
A normal and emotionally-functioning person will quickly try to diffuse the situation or respond in a way that shows that they do care. However, that's what the narcissistic individual wants. They want you to reassure them because it shifts the focus away from their own behavior.
That's why narcissistic people almost always say this when they don't get their way. And, suddenly, they're the ones being comforted even if you're the one that was slighted in the first place.
3. 'I never said that'
AYO Production | Shutterstock
Narcissistic people usually try their hardest to rewrite history as a way to save their own skin. It doesn't matter if you have the best memory around and can easily recall back to the exact words that they might have said or the actions they did, they'll deny, deny, deny. The moment you even attempt to try and call them out, they'll have the most diabolical poker face on and dodge accountability.
"By distorting the narrative and positioning themselves as the victim, they can shift the blame away from themselves and onto you," psychotherapist Erin Leonard explained. It will leave you questioning your own memory, even when you know for certain that the way you're retelling it is the way it happened.
Narcissists usually do this because they're not getting their way. So, they instead resort to trying to distort your own view of reality so that you start doubting yourself. The second that starts to happen, they know that they've won.
4. 'Wow, you're so sensitive'
Impact Photography | Shutterstock
Instead of actually taking accountability for how their behavior affected another person, narcissistic people would rather just accuse them of being "too sensitive." They want to make it seem as if you're making a big deal out of nothing rather than actually taking a step back and looking inwards at their own actions.
But because they genuinely despise things not going their way, they'll invalidate your feelings enough to make you question what's going on around you. The less that you feel strong enough to express yourself, the more in control these individuals end up feeling.
They get to say and do whatever they want while you attempt to recalibrate your emotions and not be "too sensitive," even though you're probably 100% justified in the reaction that you've had.
5. 'You never appreciate anything I do'
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Most narcissistic individuals aren't ever looking for gratitude, even if this phrase sounds as if they're searching for some kind of recognition. Really, they are just trying to guilt-trip you and hoping that you end up feeling bad enough that they eventually get what they want. It could even be something incredibly simple, like just trying to explain your boundaries or expressing a frustration that you have.
"When we are blamed unfairly, particularly by a close friend or family member, our first instinct may be to defend ourselves or argue with our accuser. In my clinical experience, these responses are seldom helpful when dealing with a blaming narcissist," said clinical psychologist Mark Zaslav.
Suddenly, you find yourself being accused of not being grateful enough for the things they do, even if those things aren't necessarily healthy in the first place. They are attempting to put you in a position where you have to just defend yourself and prove that you actually do appreciate them, but by that point it's way too late. They've gotten what they wanted and managed to flip the whole situation on its head so they can come out feeling good while you don't.
6. 'I was just joking'
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Narcissistic people almost always say "I was just joking" when they don't get their way. It's their attempt at shirking all accountability for their words because, shockingly enough, most narcissistic people aren't joking in the slightest.
Rather, they love to fall back on humor as a way to disguise the fact that what they've just said or done wasn't nice in the slightest. They hide behind their humor so that you just look like an uptight person for not being able to laugh along with them. It's because they want to be able to say whatever they want without any consequences at all.
"Interaction with narcissists can be emotionally painful, but setting firm limits with such a person, as well as modifying your expectations of what they're able to give, will help. Sometimes a relationship with a narcissist can become so unhealthy that you must limit or even restrict your contact with them," insisted clinical psychologist Mary Ann Little.
They'll consistently test your boundaries, and when you try to fight back they'll immediately fall back on the fact that it's all "just jokes," rather than admitting they've crossed a line. But because they can't stand the idea of not getting their way, they would rather keep trying to pull the wool over your eyes than apologize and fix their behavior.
7. 'I was only trying to help'
Kamil Macniak | Shutterstock
There's never a moment when a narcissist is "trying to help." They usually have ulterior motives that will only serve them in the long run, so when they try to deflect by playing the helper card, it's because their actions have most likely hurt someone else.
They're hoping that by saying this, the other person will just quickly dismiss their behavior. They'll reassure them that they probably meant well, even if they actually didn't at all.
Narcissistic individuals are simply relying on empathetic people's willingness to forgive and smooth things over so they don't have to face the music and, essentially, not get their way at all. They simply frame their actions as being harmless, even if they know themselves that there was nothing innocent about the way they were acting.
8. 'I'm done trying with you'
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
Narcissistic people value the idea of people chasing them. It's because they truly believe they're the best thing since sliced bread and can't fathom someone not trying their hardest to keep them around.
They want the other person to immediately start panicking and feeling guilty, or even just outright begging them to stay. The threat of withdrawal is supposed to make someone else scramble to their feet and proclaim that they need to stick around.
Narcissists thrive, and honestly get their energy, from moments of emotional tension, even if they're the reason for that tension in the first place. They want others to feel responsible for their feelings so that they're being put on this pedestal and therefore, get their way all of the time.
9. 'You think everything's about you'
LightField Studios | Shutterstock
Narcissistic people are quite good at projecting their own flaws and insecurities onto other people. They despise, and maybe even fear, being called out, so instead they try to make the other person feel as if they're paranoid for pointing out their actions. This can be especially annoying because it makes it as if you're on the defensive when, in reality, they are.
"The purpose is to make you doubt yourself. It's a power and control move to make you afraid to confront them again. This is why many people who deal with narcissists in their lives use the phrase, 'It's like walking on eggshells all the time,'" marriage and family therapist Karyl McBride said.
You might simply be pointing something out based on the patterns that you've observed, and yet, because they need to be in control and can't handle the finger being pointed at them, they'll quickly flip the script. They refuse to not get their way and so they resort to just manipulating. They want you to question your own perspective so that you not only begin to doubt yourself, but so they can get away with it too.
10. 'You need to calm down'
Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock
The second a narcissistic person feels their control and power slipping, they'll quickly try and make the other person feel as if they're the ones going crazy. It's their power play. Because they're uncomfortable with the emotions of other people, especially if it's them being upset by something they did, they will resort to anything to get out of that.
The thing they want above all else is to plant doubt in a person's mind. It's emotional manipulation at its finest. It's designed to shrink you down as small as possible, to the point where you stop expressing how you feel to them altogether. As long as you're unsure of yourself, they can keep getting away with things and that's all they want.
11. 'Everyone agrees with me'
Kmpzzz | Shutterstock
Narcissistic people almost always say this phrase when they don't get their way. Because, spoiler alert: no one is actually agreeing with them at all. Narcissistic people will invent these imaginary people that are always on their side and never think they're doing anything wrong.
They're mostly doing this because they want the other person to feel outnumbered. They want to prove that their way is the only way, and all of these "other people" agree with them wholeheartedly.
"They may truly not understand why you feel hurt or upset by them. Often, they're so focused on protecting their fragile sense of self that your pain may not register," explained therapist and coach Alli Spotts-De Lazzer.
Narcissistic individuals want the other person to feel like the odd one out and that they're the ones with the problem and not them. By creating this false narrative of having all of these others on their side, they're hoping you'll just end up dropping the matter altogether.
As all of these other points insisted, narcissistic people don't want to take accountability. They want to get their way all of the time, and if they don't, they'll resort to the lowest of lows with their words in order to get it. Even at the detriment of truly hurting someone else.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
