11 Crushing Signs A Narcissistic Person Is Getting Ready To Discard You
They're not wasting time on a self-assured, confident, and empowered person.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Even though narcissists are often defined by their outward control, feelings of misguided superiority, egotistical nature, and charm, they often operate from a place of grandiose insecurity rather than one of strength or self-confidence. They fuel themselves by making themselves the center of attention, bringing other people down, and gaslighting those closest to them into a chronic state of weakness and self-doubt, making them easier to take advantage of.
However, when you set boundaries, advocate for yourself, and work on self-awareness, you’re harder to manipulate, which makes you less desirable to a narcissistic person. They’re less likely to charm you and offer kindness because they can’t get anything from you without being called out for their manipulative tactics. If you’re finally in this place of self-assuredness, chances are you’ll also start to notice many of the crushing signs a narcissistic person is getting ready to discard you.
Here are 11 crushing signs a narcissistic person is getting ready to discard you
1. They start giving backhanded compliments
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Back-handed compliments and passive-aggressive comments are often weak power moves that narcissists use when they want to control others. While they may not be effective in conversations with strong-willed and confident people, they will still throw them out, just for the reassurance that they got the jab in.
Even if they’re not able to manipulate you into a place of chronic insecurity by picking apart your opinions, word choices, and appearance, they’ll still try to make jabs and bring you down at any chance they get. The closer you get to their insecure and uncertain level, the better they feel.
2. You’re walking on eggshells
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If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, that could be a sign that you’re about to get discarded by an overly narcissistic person. You’re afraid that anything you say or do will cause them to blow up, even if it’s simply sharing a successful first date or a promotion that the average person would be happy about in your presence.
A narcissistic person’s empathy is often conditional in their relationships. They’ll support you or offer kindness when they’re getting something in return, whether it’s social admiration or a transactional reward, but when it doesn’t serve them, they’re always going to put themselves first. That’s why it’s easy to feel uncertain about their reactions, because you never know if being a supportive friend is in their “best interest” on any given day.
3. You feel invisible
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Narcissistic people will often grow even more emotionally detached and cold when they realize they can no longer get what they want from you. They’re not offering kindness for a transactional reward or supporting you to seem like a good friend in group settings, but instead punishing you for setting boundaries and calling out their behavior.
They may even use avoidant behaviors to guilt you into reaching out, trying to paint themselves as the victim, even if they’ve been the one behind your disconnection and hurt all along.
4. They start picking more petty arguments
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Trying to urge you to say something you don’t mean or retaliate against their manipulative behaviors, a narcissistic person will pick petty arguments to egg you on. They’re not necessarily gaslighting you or emotionally manipulating you into doing something or getting their way. It's more likely that they’re trying to rewrite the narrative of their self-centered behavior, making you the perpetrator of harm.
Especially for the children of narcissistic parents, this kind of scapegoating behavior is common, according to a study published in the Journal of Psychology. Rather than take ownership of and accountability for their mistakes, they pick arguments and latch onto your mistakes to paint a picture that’s more reassuring for their ego.
5. They rewrite history
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Wanting to protect themselves from needing to take accountability, rewriting history is one of the ways narcissistic people make you out to be “the villain.” When they no longer have the power to manipulate you, they change the story and make themselves out to be the victim so that they can take advantage of other people’s ideas and ignorance.
If they can’t hurt you, they’ll latch onto a story that perpetuates themselves as the victim, so other people feel bad for them and resent you. Even if it doesn’t always work out for them, this is still one of the crushing signs a narcissistic person is getting ready to discard you.
6. You feel like an obligation
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If they can’t directly control your behaviors or manipulate you into believing their power, narcissistic people will start to frame your relationship through a critical lens. Everything you say, do, or ask for is ultimately used against you, making the connection feel like an obligation, rather than a vessel for unconditional love, support, and respect.
You feel less like a choice as a partner and friend and more like an obligation, even if you’re only asking for the bare minimum things like communication, affection, or gratitude.
7. They become hyper-critical
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Many people who live with or are in relationships with a narcissist feel constantly criticized already, but one of the crushing signs they’re getting ready to discard you is taking it to another level. It’s not just invalidating your opinions in conversations where they want attention or dismissing your success to cope with their internal feelings of insecurity. Instead, it's actually picking apart your existence, appearance, and word choice at every turn.
No matter what you say or do, they always find a way to make you feel worse after interacting with them. Although you may be more confident and self-assured in brushing off these critiques, which is why they’re discarding you in the first place, you’re harder to manipulate, so they still tend to hit hard in the moment.
8. They mock you
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Despite often being afraid of rejection and isolation themselves, vulnerable narcissists tend to lean toward ridicule and criticism in their relationships, according to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal.
While it’s in their general disposition to be egotistical and leverage their misguided superiority to make others feel small, when they’re getting ready to discard someone who’s too confident or self-assured to manipulate, they make last-ditch efforts at bringing them down.
Whether it’s mocking their emotions, speaking poorly behind their back, or making petty, dismissive comments in conversations, these are some of the crushing signs a narcissistic person is getting ready to walk away.
9. They make passive threats
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Whether it’s “I don’t think this is working out” or “I don’t deserve this,” a narcissistic person will always weaponize another person’s abandonment fears or insecurities to get what they want. Even in response to realistically healthy things, like a partner expressing concerns or a friend being vulnerable about their needs, they leverage passive threats to assert their control.
Of course, a truly healthy and self-aware person doesn’t tolerate this kind of weaponization, which is why you might hear these phrases more as a narcissistic person gets ready to discard you. They’re doing everything in their power to break you down to take advantage, even if they know it won’t work out in the end.
10. You feel pressured to prove your worth
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In a healthy relationship, love, respect, and understanding should come naturally. You shouldn’t have to justify your emotions or prove yourself worthy of love, but receive it unconditionally from the people around you.
However, feeling pressured to make these changes and prove yourself are some of the crushing signs a narcissistic person is getting ready to discard you. They put more energy into gaslighting you and manipulating your sense of confidence, so that even the most simple and casual conversations leave you feeling more drained and uncertain.
11. They sabotage your peace
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Whether it’s interrupting you more in conversations, showing up unannounced, or making slight jabs that attack your sense of self-esteem, sabotaging your peace is one of the crushing signs a narcissistic person is getting ready to discard you.
If they can’t control, manipulate, or take advantage of you anymore, they can’t help but make your life worse, simply for the misguided feeling of superiority.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
