11 Cruel Ways A Narcissistic Parent Treats Their Child That Hurt More Than You'd Realize
LightField Studios | Shutterstock Narcissistic parents have no shame in treating their children in cruel, belittling ways. Instead of being concerned about the negative impact they are having on their kids, they are more concerned with themselves and boosting their own egos. In fact, narcissistic parents can create anxious or avoidant tendencies in their children as a result of an unpredictable and toxic environment.
Whether it's offering conditional love or manipulating them through guilt-tripping, there are many cruel ways a narcissistic parent treats their child that hurt more than you'd realize. Narcissists want to maintain control over their kids and remain in power throughout every situation. But as a result, they ruin their child's perception of them while also hindering their ability to grow and flourish.
Here are 11 cruel ways a narcissistic parent treats their child that hurt more than you'd realize
1. Conditional love
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Narcissistic parents offer conditional love, rather than unconditional love, to their kids, warping the idea of themselves their children will have, and making them feel as though they always have to earn love.
"Conditional love teaches children that they are only worthy and deserving of love if they behave in ways that please the parents, not just for being themselves. They learn that their true self is wrong, bad, and undeserving of love. This affects their self-worth, their self-esteem, and their ability to create and maintain social connections," explained psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis.
2. Gaslighting
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Gaslighting, which is a form of emotional manipulation, not only invalidates a child's feelings, but also harms the perception they have of themselves. It causes them to be unsure of themselves and question their self-worth, which can carry into adulthood.
"A single episode of parental gaslighting will probably leave the child with some confusion about a particular occasion or about the ability to trust the parents in certain circumstances. When a child is repeatedly gaslighted by a parent, the child is very likely to develop a sense that they cannot trust themselves," clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel revealed.
3. Invalidating emotions
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Perhaps one of the most cruel ways a narcissistic parent treats their child that hurt more than you'd realize is invalidating their emotions. Their kids start feeling isolated in the way they feel and can develop emotional insensitivity while also struggling with trust issues.
As clinical psychologist Mary Ann Little pointed out, "Narcissists can struggle with empathy, being unable to appreciate the feelings of others fully. This makes them prone to inadequate understanding and insensitive responses." She added, "Empathy is necessary for children to experience trust, develop secure attachment, and learn to attend to the needs of others."
4. Competition
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Instead of being proud of their children for their achievements, narcissistic parents view their child's success as a threat to their ego. This constant need for competition is one of the cruel ways a narcissistic parent treats their child that hurt more than you'd realize, as it undermines their self-esteem and makes them feel confused about their identity.
Their children struggle with developing their own goals and understanding what they want to achieve in life. It can cause them to feel insecure and hide their achievements to avoid being treated poorly. This ultimately hinders their ability to reach their full potential.
5. Violating boundaries
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Narcissistic parents constantly violate boundaries with their children, starting when they are young and continuing into adulthood. "These could involve unsolicited advice, asking inappropriate questions, over-disclosing information, and excessive attention-seeking," psychiatrist Dr. Julia Samton warned.
It is crucial that children learn how to set boundaries with these kinds of parents and never allow themselves to feel like it is their job to change them. Especially as children become adults, setting boundaries that protect their well-being is necessary if they want to continue any kind of relationship with their parents.
6. Blame-shifting
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Because parents have a responsibility to take care of their kids, that means staying in control and being the authority figure. But with a narcissistic parent, they have little trouble taking control over certain situations and making them play out in the ways they want them to. And they control the narrative by blame-shifting.
When a narcissistic parent does not want to take accountability for their actions, they find ways to make their child feel as though something is their fault instead. They have no care for the emotional connection between themselves and their child, because all they care about is gaining control.
7. Living vicariously through their child
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Narcissistic parents who want to live vicariously through their children end up hurting them more than they realize. They typically only show their children love if they please them, and instead of promoting losses as learning experiences, these parents withdraw their love from their children when they do not succeed.
Psychotherapist Imi Lo explained, "These parents see their children as an extension of themselves. They force them to achieve in the world, live vicariously through their child, and take the praise and recognition that comes with their child's achievements. This can be harmful, as the child does not get the chance to develop their own identity."
8. Manipulation through guilt
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The manipulation techniques that narcissistic parents use on their children usually leave their kids viewing themselves in a negative light. While these parents are doing and saying whatever they can to put themselves on a pedestal, they are tearing down the self-esteem of their children every time they do.
As family medicine expert Amanda Lundberg explained, "Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and insidious impact on a person's self-esteem. The constant barrage of narcissistic manipulation, criticism, and belittlement from a narcissistic person can gradually wear down the victim's sense of self-worth."
9. The silent treatment
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Not only is the silent treatment a form of emotional abuse, it's also another of the cruel ways a narcissistic parent treats their child that hurt more than you'd realize. It negatively impacts a child's self-worth and the relationships that they seek. When a narcissistic parent withdraws themselves from a child, they make them feel unloved and abandoned.
"Children and adult children who have received the silent treatment from their parents often crave love, affection, attention, and validation. They may seek this from others, which can lead to risky situations and toxic relationships," counselor Mel Crowe revealed.
10. Constant criticism
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Narcissistic parents like to stay in control. If they begin to feel like, as their child gets older, they are losing that control over them, they find ways to pull them down and gain the upperhand. Unfortunately, constant criticism has detrimental effects on kids as they grow up and come into their own.
According to the Newport Institute, "As their children become more independent, narcissistic parents typically feel threatened. They engage in manipulation to keep their children's attention focused on them. To feed their delicate egos, they chip away at their children's self-esteem with critical and condescending comments."
11. Isolation from others
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When parents aim to isolate their children from other people, they harm their ability to form healthy and long-lasting relationships. Their child will constantly feel like an outcast who has no true support system to lean on.
Julie L. Hall, the author of "The Narcissist in Your Life," said, "Narcissistic parents engage in ongoing comparison, triangulation, and smear campaigns to alienate their children's relationships with the other parent, siblings, extended family, and social circle. With adult children, narcissistic parents may attempt to alienate their kids from their own children and spouse."
Narcissistic parents will always choose to do what is in their best interest. They rarely ever consider the lasting negative impact they are having on the connection their children have with society and the perception they have of themselves.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
