If Someone Says Any Of These 11 Phrases Casually, They're Struggling More Than They Want To Admit
A person's pain isn't always so obvious.
Stayman | Shutterstock Most people silently struggle without asking for help. Maybe it's financial problems, relationship issues, or personal pain, but they often walk through life feeling alone. While their behaviors indicate there's a problem, their words sometimes speak louder. Whether it's saying they don't care or acting like they're busy, if someone says any of these phrases casually, they're struggling more than they want to admit.
It isn't always obvious when our loved ones are going through things, but there will sometimes be telltale signs. It could be their tone of voice or dismissive words, but it's up to us to pay close attention. Because when a person is struggling, they may be crying out for help and their words will fall on deaf ears.
If someone says any of these 11 phrases casually, they're struggling more than they want to admit
1. 'I'm fine'
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If someone says "I'm fine" casually, they're struggling more than they want to admit. It's unfortunate, but most people who are struggling won't reveal that their mental health is in decline. Filled with guilt and shame, they'd rather cover it up by telling others they are fine, but this can be dangerous and hurtful to those who care about them most.
Even if they don't see it, their loved ones have a strong desire to connect and be vulnerable with each other. As the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine reiterated, "Humans are wired to connect, and this connection affects our health." So, while it might be tempting to push their feelings to the side, speaking to someone has a big impact.
2. 'It is what it is'
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Some people have been let down so many times, they've learned to be nonchalant about their mental health. As a result, they may shrug and give up. But if someone says "it is what it is," they're struggling more than they want to admit
Loved ones might be upset to hear it, but those dealing with mental or emotional health issues may not see it as a big deal. Maybe they were taught to just suck it up and deal with it, or are so tired of trying that they have nothing left to give.
Holding everything in might make someone feel more isolated in the long run, causing them to pull away. But talking to loved ones can help and provide a safe space to open up.
3. 'I'm just tired'
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With the number of people working overtime to make ends meet, it isn't uncommon to hear people complain about how tired they are. But when someone uses their tiredness as an excuse to avoid doing certain things, like socializing with friends or taking care of their daily responsibilities, it's not a good sign.
People who are struggling are shutting themselves out from seeking help, making their mental health issues worse. And according to a study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science, loneliness and social isolation are twice as harmful to someone's physical and mental health as obesity is.
4. 'I don't care anymore'
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Once someone is completely drained, everything comes in one ear and goes out the other. Due to their pure exhaustion, they may admit they don't care anymore, even if internally they're not doing well. Because despite how nonchalant they want to be, deep down inside, they're hurting.
Still, due to their stubborn nature, it might be nearly impossible to have a one-on-one conversation about how they actually feel. So used to being closed off, they keep a lid on their emotions until they eventually explode.
5. 'It could be worse'
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If there's one thing to notice about a person who's struggling, it's that they'll always find a way to demean their own emotions. Like clockwork, they'll compare their issues to someone who is seemingly struggling more than them, downplaying their own pain.
But just because it isn't as severe as someone else's plight, doesn't make it any less important. As one study from Psychological Assessment found, people who invalidate their own emotions feel more upset and are more readily activated emotionally. So, once someone is already closed off, it might take a professional to get them to open back up again.
6. 'I don't want to talk about it'
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When times get tough, it can feel impossible to open up and share what's on your mind. Whether it's from embarrassment or guilt, a person saying they don't want to talk about it is likely suffering in silence. It isn't always their intention to shut people out or hide their emotions, but it might come from a place of fear.
However, just because it's hard doesn't mean they should give up. Even if it's something small like journaling their thoughts, actively finding a way to vent is the best way to figure out what to say or, at the very least, get those emotions out in a healthy and productive way.
7. 'It doesn't matter'
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If someone says "it doesn't matter" casually, they're struggling more than they want to admit. Because the truth is, it does matter to them, they just don't want to express it for one reason or another. Perhaps they don't want to feel like a burden or are prone to overthinking.
And according to psychologist Kyle Davies, "When we're constantly second-guessing or trying to outthink our emotions, we become disconnected from the deeper signals of clarity, insight, and instinct that reside within us."
Even so, it's their choice whether they want to share or not. Despite venting being good for their mental health, those who struggle will always do things on their own terms, despite it harming them.
8. 'I'll figure it out'
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Sometimes, people need to figure things out on their own. Despite how difficult the obstacle may be, they can't always depend on others to save them. But this doesn't mean they have to shut everyone out completely. Even if they can't always help, at the very least, people can offer the support needed to keep moving forward.
Those who don't bother asking for help are always going to struggle the most. Even if they can do it all on their own, isolation and the feeling of helplessness are only intensified when they shut down. This is why it's important to let people in. Because nobody does anything alone and comes out the other end successful.
9. 'I can't complain'
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Many people were taught not to complain from a young age. They were told that no matter how difficult life got, there was plenty to be grateful for. And while this might have been said with the best of intentions, never complaining isn't healthy. Holding everything in is bound to mess with a person's mental health.
As clinical psychologist Rubin Khoddam explained, "Intellectualizing emotions is a defense mechanism that serves as a shield against the overwhelming intensity of feelings. It's the process of suppressing emotions by overthinking, analyzing, or explaining them away. It can be rooted in our upbringing, societal expectations, or personal coping strategies."
10. 'Same old, same old'
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If someone says "same old, same old" casually, they're struggling more than they want to admit because despite wanting people to think that nothing has changed, they're secretly dealing with problems they believe others won't understand. So, they choose to portray everything as just fine.
While they might not see anything wrong with this, shutting out others is hurtful. After all, feeling abandoned can hurt just about anyone's feelings. Does this mean people have to open up completely? No, but simply saying, "I'm going through something, but I'd rather not talk about it now" is a lot better than keeping them in the dark.
11. 'I'm just busy'
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Whether it's work or family, there's nothing inherently wrong with someone saying they're busy. Likely, it's true. But everyone needs a break now and then, and using being busy as an excuse is never a good sign.
As psychologist Elizabeth Sadock put it,"Suppressing emotion is like denying hunger: It persists because it serves an essential purpose." So, even if they're not revealing how they truly feel, eventually, it will come back to bite them.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
