People Who Seem Like They Have Their Life Together Often Hide These 11 Struggles
They may look great on the surface, but the struggle is real.
Alexandra Lande / Shutterstock I remember the first time I looked at Sarah*. Sarah was one of those people who just seemed to be perfect. She had it all together, no matter what she did. She was able to have fun, look stylish, and also keep a blazing hot career going. Little did I know that Sarah was a lot more like me than I initially thought. She eventually confided in me that she wished she were more like my (insecure, nowhere near as successful) self.
Many people like Sarah are out there, outwardly thriving, but shaky inside. Their struggles tend to be fairly similar as well. These issues, in particular, tend to affect the seemingly “perfect” all too well.
People who seem like they have their life together often hide these 11 struggles
1. Impostor syndrome
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Impostor Syndrome is real, and it’s actually fairly widespread among “overachievers.” This is a confidence issue that comes from deep-seated feelings of worthlessness. It makes people wonder, “Do I really belong here? Am I actually that smart, talented, or success-worthy?”
There are multiple types of Impostor Syndrome, and all of them can cause serious issues if left unchecked. Remember: if you’re in the room, yes, you’re worthy.
2. Fear of failure
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We all know that negative thoughts tend to bring about negative outcomes, but can we actually talk about what drives people to overachieve? Many of the people who are noted overachievers got that way because their parents drove home warnings of what would happen if they weren’t perfect 24/7.
As a result, many people who seem like they’re always perfectly protected are that way because they believe the sky will start falling if they aren’t always on guard.
3. Lack of discipline
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It may appear like people who have their lives together don’t struggle with self-discipline, and to a point, that may be true. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t always struggle with it a little.
Anthony Bourdain said it best: “I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lie in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy.”
4. Lack of self-gratitude
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While they are often deeply grateful for those who help them along their journey, many of the most successful people I know do not really think about all the work they do. They don’t toot their own horn, so to speak.
And as a result, they aren’t grateful toward themselves for doing what they need to do at the end of the day. Motivational expert Leo Widrich also noted the same thing: gratitude is rare for the successful. That’s not a good thing!
5. Martyrdom
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This may sound a bit difficult to explain, but there is a certain level of empathy that ends up hurting you if you give into it too much, and that’s what I mean here. Some people are in such a bad tailspin that trying to help them gets YOU caught up in their mess.
The truth is that many highly empathetic people want to help others. They just can’t set themselves on fire to keep others warm. That doesn’t mean, however, that they aren’t tempted to do so.
6. Fear of judgment
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Believe it or not, this ranks high on the list of things successful people struggle with, though they generally have to conquer it in order to see true success in their lives. A lot of life involves dealing with the judgment of others: parents, friends, coworkers.
Success on one’s own terms often comes at the price of others’ view of you. It still stings when others judge you, even if you've got your life together.
7. Worries about current events
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If you thought that current events only seem to harm (or scare, or worry) the people who are still struggling, you’re wrong. Current events have become a universal concern for many of the most successful people out there — doctors, lawyers, everyone.
Our world is so traumatic, help centers are starting to offer up advice on how to limit the trauma incurred from just … well … being here. That says plenty, right?
8. Problems trusting others
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Perhaps one of the most painful ironies about self-made successes is the fact that they are often that way because they were forced to be. In other words, they often failed or were neglected by the very people who were meant to help them.
In psychology, this is known as hyper-independence. It’s actually a trauma response that happens because others never helped you.
9. Loneliness
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Here’s a hard-hitting fact I learned: if you are a person who has got their life together, you have to guard that success, and you also have to deal with people trying to use you. It’s rough! And it comes with a lot of feelings of loneliness.
There’s even a saying about it: “It’s lonely at the top.”
10. Trouble delegating
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Remember when I mentioned that many successful people struggle to trust others to do what's right by them? Delegating tasks to other people is a necessary part of “having it together,” but it’s also one of the hardest things to do.
Simply put, successful people often feel like the only way to fix things is to do it themselves. So, they struggle with overworking themselves. It’s a major issue.
11. Needing to take a break
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There’s a lot to be said about the glory of the hustle and grind. The truth is, the hardest thing for people who have their lives together to do is to take a break.
Trust me, all that work means you deserve a little respite from time to time.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
