People You Can Actually Trust As You Get Older Keep It Real In These 12 Rare Ways
Because finding people who stay grounded, honest, and loyal only gets harder with age.
insta_photos | Shutterstock It's hard to find people who are authentic and genuine with their intentions. The worst feeling in the world is learning that the people you trust are two-faced backstabbers. You might even hear people who claim to "keep it real" when delivering hurtful information or when called out for being mean-spirited. But in those cases, they are using the term as an excuse for toxic or destructive behavior.
It's only as we get older that we stop letting people walk all over us. We crave credibility and the ability to welcome people into our lives without worrying about darker intentions. But there are, in fact, rare ways people you can actually trust as you get older keep it real, none of which have to do with toxicity or manipulation.
Here are 12 rare ways people you can actually trust as you get older keep it real
1. They don't force themselves on other people
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People who keep it real are fully aware that not everyone will vibe with them — and they are completely comfortable with that. They are genuine and aware that they will connect with some people and pass on others. And when you have someone in your life that keeps it real, they don't need to worry about trying to force themselves to fit into someone else's life.
In fact, according to licensed clinical psychologist David Schnarch, people who are emotionally insecure and demand affirmation from others constantly have "difficulty regulating and modulating [their] inner emotional world." But for people who are perfectly fine accepting that certain people don't belong in their life, it's a good indicator that they're just keeping it real and will remain their authentic selves.
2. They're not judgmental
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Being non-judgmental is one of the rare ways people you can actually trust as you get older keep it real. These individuals are open-minded and understand that everyone has their own unique perspective. If someone's opinions don't align with theirs, they can agree to disagree. Their ability to avoid prejudging others makes people comfortable and relaxed in their presence, and makes them more approachable and interesting.
Being non-judgmental isn't just great for others, it has incredible benefits for people with an accepting mindset. A study published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research concluded that people who observe their thoughts without judgment alleviate internal pressure that lowers stress. It's no wonder people who keep it real tend to be so unfazed by the stress and anxiety around them.
3. They know what they want out of life
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A big indicator that someone is trustworthy and keeping it real is when they carve their own lane; they know exactly what they want out of life, and they aren't afraid to go after it. They are clear on their goals and understand what it takes to get there.
Authentic people are not susceptible to influence from others. They are leaders who are not afraid to do things their own way. And while they won't agree with the life ambitions of others, they still won't go out of their way to say something negative about it. For them, keeping it real is about bringing truth to someone without purposely hurting their feelings.
4. They're generous
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Generosity is one of the major characteristics of people who keep it real. Instead of hiding things from other people that might benefit them, they share resources and information. They are unlike selfish people, who have more than enough but hold onto extras because they have a scarcity mindset.
People who keep it real believe in abundance and know there is more than enough to go around. And research has found that it literally pays to be generous. According to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who are generous have healthier minds, bodies and relationships, and tend to make more money than selfish people.
Additional research conducted by Christian Smith, a professor of sociology at Notre Dame, found that 35% of people who volunteer are happy, compared to 28% of people who don't; 44% of people agree it's important to be a generous person, while 21% of people disagree.
5. They don't care for material things
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While there's nothing wrong with enjoying material items, people who keep it real tend to not value things as much as people and experiences. These individuals keep it real by remaining trustworthy and authentic, and care more about what's in themselves than what's on them. They place value on the things that matter like quality relationships, stability, peace, and harmony.
Psychology professor Dacher Keltner and psychology expert Jason Marsh pointed out that materialism can decrease our mental well-being. "This won't come as a surprise to anyone tracking the science of happiness, which suggests that material things are unlikely to boost our happiness in a sustained or meaningful way. In fact, research suggests that materialistic people are less happy than their peers. They experience fewer positive emotions, are less satisfied with life, and suffer higher levels of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse," they revealed.
People you can trust and who keep it real gravitate towards the feeling they get from absorbing the world around them, not focusing on the things they can buy and fill their home with. Their happiness and liberation allows them to spread truth and wisdom to those around them without being held back by material things.
6. They don't lie
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One of the most obvious yet rare ways people you can actually trust as you get older keep it real is never lying to people. Whether it's a white lie about how someone looks or hiding information from their partner, lying is simply something they won't allow themselves to take part in.
It's obviously irritating when people lie and don't keep it real. When people share their deepest, darkest secrets with someone, and they go running their mouths to anyone who will listen, it instantly makes them untrustworthy. But authentic, honest people are those others can confide in confidently, knowing they will do exactly what they said they would — keeping a secret — as they are so reliable.
7. They don't take things personally
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Trustworthy individuals never jump to conclusions or assume the worst of people. They let all of the facts come out before passing judgment and, even then, they tend to find the good in others. People who keep it real understand that when individuals do hurtful things, it's more likely a reflection of them and how they feel about their life than it is about other people.
As psychotherapist and executive coach Moshe Ratson explained, "When you take things personally, you allow many issues to consume your well-being. This way of thinking exhausts your energy with little good and a lot of stress and anxiety." But once people overcome the need to take everything to heart, Ratson suggests that they act with kindness, show gratitude, and "experience a greater level of peace and happiness."
8. They're not clout chasers
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Nothing is worse than a person who has to memorialize every memory a friend or family member makes on social media. They need everyone to know that life is good. However, people who keep it real and are therefore incredibly trustworthy know that there are some moments that are so special, they should be kept private.
These individuals have no need to prove their importance to the masses. They don't seek out validation from people online they don't know, and even in-person they don't feel it's necessary to exploit others for their own gain. Because of their integrity, people are drawn to them and don't need to worry about being taken advantage of.
9. They treat everyone with respect and dignity
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People who keep it real don't consider status in life when determining who deserves their respect. They treat everyone as human beings, deserving of dignity, empathy, and the right to exist just as they are. It's usually because they were taught from an early age to treat everyone the way they would want to be treated, and it's a core value they carry with them.
Psychology expert Jessica Koehler, PhD says that our core values "serve as guiding principles that shape our attitudes, actions, and decisions." Not only are empathy, integrity and authenticity part of this, but so is compassion and fairness.
"Fairness involves treating others equitably, justly, and without bias. Psychological research emphasizes the importance of fairness in promoting trust, cooperation, and social harmony. Promote justice by actively acknowledging and challenging personal biases. Strive to make just and equitable decisions and stand against discrimination and injustice. Encourage diverse viewpoints and treat all individuals with respect and equality," she explained.
10. They practice what they preach
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When people say what they mean and mean what they say, it indicates that they don't preach to others about proper actions to take without following their own advice. It's one of the rare ways people you can actually trust as you get older keep it real, as they don't subscribe to the "do as I say, not as I do" way of thinking.
Psychologist Dr. Hayley Lewis even suggests that "if you're not prepared to put the effort in then just be prepared for what you get back. Or rather, what you don't get back... Ultimately, being a good role model as a leader requires you to constantly pay attention to your behavior and your impact."
People that keep it real lead by example, showing others how to be honest and truthful, and to give what they expect to receive. And that makes them the real leaders among their friends, family and peers.
11. They don't brag or boast
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For people who keep it real and are incredibly trustworthy, their gifts and good fortune are blessings given to them for living a life of authenticity. People say "easy come, easy go" and these people strongly agree. They don't make decisions based on ego; rather, they take their time in what they choose to reveal to others, and it's never something that will make people feel less than.
People who believe in karma don't brag about their successes or superficial trappings. They know that there's a thin line between the haves and have nots, and understand life's ebbs and flows. They're fully aware that not everyone may be as fortunate as them, but they take it in stride, choosing not to put others down by talking about everything they have going right in their life.
12. They set healthy boundaries and stick to them
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For trustworthy and honest individuals, keeping it real is all about setting boundaries of what they will and won't accent, and sticking to them, no matter what. They set parameters around how they expect to be addressed and treated, because they know the most important person to be true to is themselves. After all, if you can't be faithful to yourself, there's a 100% possibility you will never be real with others.
Psychologist Guy Winch explained that "Setting boundaries is both protective and assertive. Remember the 'why' — your boundaries are being violated (even if unintentionally) and you're taking action to protect your emotional health. As such, setting boundaries is about you and your needs and not (necessarily) a condemnation of the other person."
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
