11 Phrases Women Who Have Been Through A Lot In Life Say On A Regular Basis
They're not defined by their past, but by their resilience.
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock Although a lot of research on mental health concerns, toxic relationships, and childhood trauma is focused on men, women experience an incredibly profound and unique experience to their challenges and adversities. Whether it affects their communication patterns, personality, and relationships, their adversity shapes them as people, informing the way they navigate the world and interact with others.
There are several phrases women who have been through a lot in life say on a regular basis that the average person may overlook. Many are a reflection of their confidence and self-assuredness — they've gotten through some of the toughest times already — while others say a lot about the trauma they're still coping with.
Here are 11 phrases women who have been through a lot in life say on a regular basis
1. 'I know my worth'
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Whether it's setting important boundaries with people from a self-assured perspective or simply calling out misbehavior, women who have been through a lot in life don't mind embracing momentary discomfort or anxiety for growth, progress, or productivity.
They don't tolerate misbehavior or toxic behaviors, because they know they have everything they need to be independent. So, there's no reason to introduce bad people or energy into their life for little value.
2. 'I don't need help'
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According to counselor Jessica MacNair, many kids who grow up with unmet needs or feel pressured into people-pleasing early in life learn to be hyper-independent later on. They're often perceived to be "mature" kids when, in reality, they've been misguidedly parentified and stripped of the innocence of their age.
While independence can be healthy in adulthood — crafting a sense of autonomy and self-assuredness — it can also be too much at times, isolating people from healthy relationships and sabotaging their ability to reap the benefits of asking for help.
A study from Psychological Science argues that people who ask for help are more socially integrated and happy than people who refuse to. Of course, everyone wants to feel wanted and important, and sometimes, like a Stanford report says, asking them for help is exactly what they need to feel those things and cultivate a better bond with you.
3. 'I just need some space'
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Instead of suppressing emotions, engaging in unproductive conversations, or entertaining social interactions that hurt their well-being, women who have been through a lot in life say "I just need some space." Whether it's to clear their head, give themselves a chance to come to terms with their emotions, or unpack the conversation, it can be a healthy way to navigate conflict.
Of course, there's a threshold between healthy coping with alone time, solitude, and space in relationships and in the face of conflict and avoidant tendencies. By seeking the instant gratification and comfort of avoidance, often in response to unresolved trauma or anxiety, these avoidant people can actually spark more stress for themselves.
It's healthy to use a phrase like "I just need some space" in heated conversations and in unproductive interactions, but it's important that women — especially those who have been through a lot in life — use it intentionally and in a healthy way.
4. 'Thank you'
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According to psychologist Dr. Steven Pinker, gratitude isn't just a coping mechanism and vehicle to overcome adversity, it tends to manifest later on in people who have been through a lot in life. They appreciate the little things, seek out better connections, and use their newfound self-awareness to craft a life they're proud of and grateful for.
Even though overcoming adversity and navigating unresolved trauma can be difficult, uncomfortable and, at times, draining, expressing gratitude — even in small moments — can boost life satisfaction, happiness, and general well-being, according to experts from Harvard Health.
"Thank you" is one of the phrases women who have been through a lot in life say on a regular basis, not just because they're cognizant of the difficulties they've been through and are grateful for their life now, but because they know how useful gratitude is for navigating daily struggles and anxiety.
5. 'I don't have the energy for this'
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Especially when it comes to engaging with gossipy people, drama, or toxic relationships, many women who have been through a lot in life know when something isn't adding value to their lives. They're intentional with the kinds of people and relationships they invest their energy in, because they have the framework and skills to navigate life independently, so every person and interaction is an intentional choice.
While it's true that people with childhood trauma or a history of toxic relationships can also struggle with commitment, many women who have faced a lot of adversity have been forced to learn and look inward, recognizing how their actions and mentality influences their reality.
6. 'I'll figure it out'
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This is one of the phrases women who have been through a lot in life say on a regular basis because they're not only self-assured, but generally self-disciplined and resilient. They've been through trauma, adversity and challenge, and have come out on the other side, so daily anxieties and relationship struggles today are things they're well-equipped to handle.
According to a study from Frontiers in Psychiatry, facing adversity early in life can breed resilience later on — giving people the tools, mentality, and support they need to face struggles and obstacles in adulthood.
While this mentality manifests in different ways depending on the woman, it gives them the confidence to say things like "I'll handle this" or "I'll figure it out," whether it's in their personal life or in the workplace.
7. 'I'd rather be alone'
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There are a number of benefits to healthy solitude and alone time, especially for people who have been through a lot in their lives already — from boosting brain cognition, to enhancing creativity, and even reducing stress when it's utilized in a healthy way. Those are just a few of the reasons why women who have faced adversity would "rather be alone" than invest in relationships and social interactions that only drain them.
It's also a positive symptom of their confidence and self-assuredness. People who chase external validation may seek out unfulfilling conversations and connect simply for the sake of gaining attention, but self-assured women are authentic and conscious of their needs. They'd prefer to invest in alone time, personal growth, and intentional self-care than sacrifice their mental health and well-being for others.
8. 'I don't have to prove myself to you'
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Whether it's over-explaining and justifying their life decisions, "proving" their worth to a partner, or begging for validation and attention, women who have been through a lot simply don't engage in any kind of behavior that puts their own needs to the side. Even if they've spent their lives people-pleasing and protecting the peace in social situations, many have dealt with struggles and adversity that forced them to put themselves first.
They'd prefer to be alone than in a toxic relationship. They're not going to sabotage their well-being without standing up for themselves. They may not even indulge social interactions or conversations that subtly undermine them.
9. 'I'm struggling to trust you'
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According to mental health coach Darius Cikanavicius, many people who have been through a lot in life — from unmet needs, to toxic relationships, and childhood trauma — struggle with trust in adulthood. Their commitment issues or relationship struggles often start with the lack of trust, one that feels like a coping mechanism against vulnerability and getting hurt.
They were taught that nobody is coming to save them, and while that may have sparked a sense of internal confidence, independence, and resilience in them, it also riddled their relationships with mistrust and disconnection. Without trust, relationships crumble and connections erode, even when one or both of the partners are independent and self-assured.
10. 'What do you mean by that?'
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Some of the phrases women who have been through a lot in life say on a regular basis include "What do you mean by that?" or "Why'd you say that?" because they're wired to overanalyze situations and read deeply into casual conversations as a defense mechanism. Whether it's a symptom of a history of toxic relationships or people-pleasing as kids, these women try to protect themselves by picking apart other people's intentions.
According to a study from Psychological Trauma, people with PTSD tend to be quicker to anger and irritability than others, oftentimes because they overanalyze everyday conversations and interactions. Often a barrier to trust, deep connection, and vulnerability, these behaviors can feel distracting and draining, but equally comforting in the moment for women struggling with anxiety and isolation.
11. 'I've been through worse'
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Like every other hardship and challenge they've faced before, anything they encounter now feels temporary. Everything will pass, which helps to support resilient women in moving forward and adopting a mindset like this.
They know they're capable of doing hard and uncomfortable things, because they've done it before, and it's this resilience that opens up opportunities for them to thrive later in life.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
