11 Quiet Behaviors Of A Woman Who Is Lonely Later In Life That Are Obvious To Everyone But Her

People often say that poverty is loud, but wealth whispers. The same can be said of an active social life. When you’re not lonely, you’re quietly confident. You don’t try to steal attention or make a stink out of everything. When you’re alone, it’s almost as if people can smell the loneliness on you.

That seems to amplify the older you get, especially when you’re female. Don’t believe it? Take a look at these behaviors that people might recognize as traits of a lonely older woman.

Here are 9 quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her

1. Hypermaterialism

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her hypermaterialism Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels via Canva

Is a certain older lady in your life totally obsessed with showing off all the baubles and bangles she can collect? Does she have all the designer clothes, ready off the runway, plus a vacation home in Boca that she never stops talking about? Hypermaterialism is statistically linked to higher levels of loneliness.

Buying and shopping tend to make certain people feel less lonely, especially when it’s at a mall. This is why some people tend to be heavily engaged in retail therapy after a breakup.

2. Heavy social media use

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her heavy social media use nicoletaionescu from Getty Images Signature via Canva

To absolutely no one’s surprise, social media usage has been positively linked to loneliness. The more you lean on social media to get your social fix, the more likely it is that you’re very lonely in your day-to-day life.

Older women who post to social media tend to do this as either part of their work or as a very subtle cry for help. Of course, this is true for almost anyone, not just women.

3. Talk, talk!

: quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her talk, talk Africa images via Canva

Most people have met someone who was always excited to join in the conversation, even if they were not necessarily invited to join. They will talk to anyone willing to listen, adding their $0.02 whenever possible, and maybe peppering conversations with statements.

At first glance, this could be a key sign of a social butterfly. However, it can also be a sign of someone who feels very lonely and is in desperate need of a real, intimate conversation. In some more extreme cases, they may go so far as to talk to themselves when no one is around!

4. Aggressively dating

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her aggressively dating Goldfaery from Getty Images Signature via Canva

Most of us have heard about the trope of an aggressive older woman who gets a little love-crazy. There’s a little truth to that trope. Multiple studies showed a strong correlation between participating in short-term dating and higher levels of loneliness.

Simply put, if you see someone who is looking for a fun time, not a long time, it’s often a sign that they’re lonelier than they put on.

5. Catty remarks and put-downs

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her catty remarks and put-downs Science Photo Library via Canva

We all have met that one person who seems to take joy in seeing others hurt, insecure, and alone. Among women, it’s usually the “Mean Girl” vibe that dies out some time after college. When you see an older woman making catty remarks and mean gestures, it’s never a good sign.

Women who behave this way are deeply lonely and insecure within themselves. Their cruelty tends to make them lonelier. After all, no one wants to deal with a bully. This schoolyard holdover still tends to be a true sign of loneliness.

6. Inserting themselves into conversations

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her inserting themselves into conversations GaudiLab via Canva

Lonely people tend to be the ones who try to insert themselves into conversations with other people. If they are very lonely, they may also go so far as to demand to be invited elsewhere, act as a willing third wheel, or insert themselves into family events they’re not related to.

More often than not, this is a last-ditch effort to try to feel like they’re being embraced by a community. It may be better to just invite them and learn to bond with them. Who knows? You might end up liking them.

7. Fantasy thinking

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her fantasy thinking fotostorm from Getty Images Signature via Canva

This is a bit of a strange one. Most of us have met people who are always left with their heads in the clouds, perhaps constantly reading books or watching a certain set of movies. If you see people who are constantly keeping their eyes locked in fantasy books, romance novels, or anime shows, it could be a way to cover up for loneliness.

Psychologists have long known that loneliness can make children retreat into a fantasy world of their own making. Some adults still have those tendencies, either fully immersing themselves in another reality or just leaning on media consumption to fulfill their needs.

8. Not trying to reach out

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her not trying to reach out shisuka via Canva

There are two types of loneliness: the loneliness where women still try to reach out, and the loneliness that is so powerful, they no longer feel they can even reach out to others. When you get past a certain point of loneliness, you start to self-isolate out of the assumption that no one wants you around.

If you notice that an older woman avoids deep conversations or tries to shield herself from talking too much, it could be an indication that she just doesn’t feel wanted.

9. Poor self-care

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her poor self-care MART PRODUCTION from Pexels via Canva

When you are part of a community, you tend to take better care of yourself. You bathe, you cook food, you keep your home clean, and you also tend to go out to the gym. Part of this is because you feel like people pay attention to you, and part of it is because you feel you’re worthy.

Lonelier older people often stop caring for themselves. They see it as more stuff to do, because why bother? It’s not like they’re about to get houseguests.

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10. People pleasing

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her people pleasing Goran13 from Getty Images via Canva

People-pleasing and staying in toxic relationships both tend to go hand in hand. They’re often learned while younger, too. Generally speaking, people-pleasers have learned that they have to put up with awful behavior because no one will be around otherwise.

The older you get, the more likely it is that you’ll break that toxic mindset. Older women who experience long-term loneliness tend to be stuck in that constant cycle of people-pleasing simply because they just don’t know how to find healthy relationships.

11. Hypervigilance

quiet behaviors of a woman who is lonely later in life that are obvious to everyone but her hypervigilance Liza Summer from Pexels via Canva

Hypervigilance is a fancy term for saying that you’re constantly on the lookout for someone about to betray you or hurt you. You don’t trust anyone when you’re hypervigilant. You sleep with one eye open. Your reactions are unpredictable.

This is a commonly cited trait of PTSD, but it’s also observed in people who suffer from long-term loneliness. It often coincides with extreme independence, because let’s face it, you get used to relying on yourself when no one else is there for you.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.