People Who Take Themselves Way Too Seriously Usually Have 12 Highly Specific Habits
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock There are many reasons people might take themselves way too seriously. Maybe they were raised in a household devoid of humor or by parents who never taught them to question their own instincts or gut reactions. Maybe they're just egotistical.
People may also be overly serious due to trauma or neglect in childhood, feeling as they they must be very serious and hypervigilent in order to stay safe. But once you see this pattern in yourself (or someone you love) you can start dismantling it. Then you can start making room for way more joy.
People who take themselves way too seriously usually have 11 highly specific habits
1. They struggle to accept constructive feedback
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According to the Harvard Business Review, low self-esteem, hyper-sensitivity, and a general lack of understanding with accepting constructive criticism often fuel people to take little pieces of feedback too seriously. Instead, people who take themselves too seriously opt for defensiveness or frustration, even in well-intentioned conversations.
Especially in the workplace, people who struggle with feedback generally miss opportunities for growth, both personally and professionally. When they take themselves so seriously, their peers struggle to connect. When some feedback could be met with humor or a self-depricating jokes to draw people in, these folks can't even crack a smile.
By reframing feedback with praise or respectful acknowledgement of their discomfort, peers, leaders, and friends can ensure they have productive conversations, even with people who
2. They can’t laugh off even small mistakes
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Lifestyle management expert Kristen A. Carter argues that there’s power in laughing off our mistakes rather than taking ourselves and our perceived shortcomings too seriously.
See, when we reimagine our mistakes as learning opportunities, we not only gain the ability to laugh kindly at ourselves, we also create pockets of growth in our lives that lead to a healthier mindset, better relationships, and more intentional communication.
When someone takes themselves too seriously, they often burden themselves with guilt and shame to the point where it negatively affects their general mindset and self-esteem. This is especially sad because it pushes people away, which reinforces to them that their mistakes make them unlovable.
3. They resort to anger during arguments
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People who tend to resort to anger any time conflict arises often take their own emotions too seriously. While it is important to address and acknowledge your feelings, it's also important to fact-check them with yourself.
Not all anger needs to be expressed, not all sadness needs to be shared with the world. But people who take themselves way too seriously have a habit of leaning into those feelings and snapping at others or going into a rage.
This can be especially detrimental for men, who tend to have an overwhelming societal pressure to maintain a kind of masculinity that doesn’t include vulnerability. This externalizing of emotions can even lead to violence.
For these men, there would be a huge benefit to being able to stay emotionally present rather than resorting quickly to anger or defensiveness can be a challenge, but first they'd have to stop taking every knee-jerk emotion so seriously.
And remember, this isn't just a problem with men. Women can take their emotions too seriously, too. Anger isn't just a male problem.
4. They get defensive easily
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According to therapists at the Anchor Light Collective, defensiveness is often a knee-jerk reaction to discomfort in people with unresolved trauma or fears. They may take a passing comment way too seriously, offended or uncomfortable with their fear of being misunderstood or forgotten.
While it can be frustrating for the people in their lives, the foundation of their struggle lies in their desire to make connections and feel supported. They want to be accepted, even with their perceived flaws, and this is often the source of someone's defensiveness.
Still, we need to hold people responsible for their behavior when it harms others. We can be compassionate about how they got to that place without giving in and participating in an unhealthy dynamic when they get overly defensive.
5. They stick to their comfort zone
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Being uncomfortable isn’t a fun experience for anyone, especially those who haven’t had enough experiences with discomfort to know that it will pass and that they can even come out stronger for it. Unfortunately, when you take yourself too seriously, it's hard not to fear discomfort and start avoiding challenges.
Despite Harvard studies that reveal the benefits of leaving your comfort zone, from boosts in self-confidence to resilience, many people who take things too seriously struggle with taking risks. Embracing the uncomfortable growth associated with challenge and accepting mistakes requires us to be able to laugh some things off, a skill these people would benefit greatly from learning.
6. They complain way, way too much
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When you take yourself too seriously, it's hard not to complain constantly. That's because every emotion or thought that pops up feels important to you. It seems like it must be expressed or shared. Unfortunately, this creates a really negative experience for the people around you.
Founder of the International Journal of Applied Philosophy, Elliot D. Cohen, PhD, explained that people who constantly complain tend to ruminate on negative thoughts more than the average person. Without the emotional intelligence to validate their own struggles and reassure their anxieties, they rely on the release of complaining to seek validation and attention from others.
For loved ones and peers in these individuals' lives, calling out their constant complaints isn’t always productive, but it's better than staying silent and growing resentful.
7. They hyperfocus on what could go wrong
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Anxiety can cause someone to focus too much on what could go wrong, or obsess over things that have gone wrong in the past. People who take themselves too seriously can exacerbate this by refusing to let some of these feelings go.
Experts from CHADD, an ADHD advocacy group, suggest that a negativity bias, or a tendency for someone to hyperfixate on negativity in their daily life, can actually be a subtle sign of ADHD. Their hyperactivity and impulse control often lead them to overthinking the small things, driving them into an isolating cycle of negative self-talk and a generally negative mindset.
So, while it might seem controllable from an outside perspective, not everyone who takes little things way too seriously is intentionally critical or negative, they may just struggle with a tendency towards overthinking, anxious thoughts, and self-critique.
8. They accept nothing less than perfection
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Perfectionism often looks heroic at the beginning. It's lovely to want things to go well and to do your best, right? The problem happens when people take these impulses too seriously and end up burning out or pushing people away as a result of their pursuit of perfection.
Confidence coach Archanaa Shyam explains that when we’re always focused on the next, bigger, better achievement in our lives, we’re less present in the moment. This can sabotage our ability to maintain healthy connections and conversations.
It's actually heartbreaking, because people who take themselves this seriously likely never feel like they’re doing enough. This toxic cycle of hyperactivity and perfectionism can spiral with negative emotional and social consequences.
9. They refuse to ask for help or accept advice
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People who tend to take small things in their lives too seriously often forgo asking for help, even in situations where it’d benefit them. This can come from a mismanaged ego, among many other things, that tells them that their insights and plans are as good as they'll get.
Despite studies, including one published in the journal Management Science, that suggest that people who ask for help are often perceived as more competent, they choose to face life’s struggles (and their added layers of negativity) by themselves. Sadly, people don't see them as competent, they see them as self-obsessed.
Whether it’s low self-esteem or an inherent sense of competitiveness that motivates them, not asking for help is often one of the subtle signs of a person who takes little things way too seriously in an attempt to build up their ego or seek praise from others.
10. They don't value humor
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People who take themselves too seriously often struggle with humor. This doesn't mean they don't have a sense of humor, but rather that they value their worries, anxiety, fears and self-importance more than laughter or enjoyment.
Constantly anxious or stressed, they struggle to separate their defensiveness with a more lighthearted mindset, even in conversations with their loved ones. This, of course, pushes people away, as humor and laughter are a powerful way people bond.
While some people use their humor as a coping mechanism, these people instead use their negativity and detached mindset to cope with discomfort and conflict, isolating them from the bonding moments of a positive and well-intentioned joke.
11. They have difficulty accepting compliments
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Compliments, even from close friends and family, can be uncomfortable for anyone. It can feel weird to be the center of attention, and you may even fear the compliments aren't genuine and maybe you're being manipulated. If you haven't heard a lot of genuine compliments in the past, it may be hard to believe you deserve a kind word about yourself.
None of these are bad things, but they can get out of hand if someone takes themselves too seriously. Not being able to accept compliments can make them feel misunderstood and it may push people away.
Once again, this becomes a self-fulfilling cycle, as they believe their mistrust of compliments was justified. It's sad for them, in the end, as they are the ones who suffer as a result.
12. They lean into their own insecurities
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Low self-esteem often sparks a spiral of intense overthinking, negative thoughts, and isolation in people with a tendency to take little things too seriously. This can happen when they're interacting with family and even strangers, as they'll interpret people's behavior negatively and assume it's because they're bad or unlovable.
Instead of checking those feelings, they tend to believe the worst first thought they have.
While it might feel like they’re overcompensating or “trying too hard” by taking little things in life seriously, these insecure people are simply seeking validation and an avenue for praise that they’re not receiving by themselves. Sadly, it rarely works.
What does work? Admitting that you want to think about things differently. A therapist, friend or objective family member can help you get a reality check, if you're ready to take them seriously, instead of only yourself.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
