The Art Of Imperfection: 5 Ways Your Flaws Make You Way More Interesting
Abbat | Unsplash I have many female friends and clients, and I've never come across a single one who doesn't want to change something about the way they look. They claim that their "nose is too big", or they "don't make enough money", or just simply don't feel "pretty enough". I hear this from all women, no matter the age or ethnicity.
I've concluded that women tend to be way harder on themselves than they are on others, and they need to change their internal dialogue because the truth is: embracing your imperfections makes you more relatable and far easier to connect with than a person who gives off an air of perfection. When you stop hiding the parts of you that are a little messy, you become way more compelling and a whole lot more human.
Here are 5 ways your flaws make you way more interesting:
1. People relate more to imperfect people
This is one I hear a lot: "I have to do a perfect job." Nobody is perfect, so stop telling yourself that you have to be perfect. Go easy on yourself when you make a mistake and learn to move on.
Social psychologist Elliot Aronson discovered the pratfall effect back in 1966, and his research found that a highly competent person who makes a mistake is actually rated as more attractive than one who appears flawless. Perfection is not an effective way to connect with others because, honestly? It's completely unrelatable.
2. Your flaws create space for kindness toward yourself
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Sometimes, women tend to forget about the positive and focus on the negative. It's okay to want to improve yourself, but don't become obsessed with it. Instead of telling yourself that your nose is "too big," tell yourself it is just right and that you are pretty.
Self-compassion means being supportive toward yourself when experiencing suffering or pain, whether it's caused by personal mistakes and inadequacies or external life challenges. Studies found that people who were kinder to themselves and gave themselves grace produced more positive feelings about their self-image.
3. Your quirks make you you
Women, stop scolding yourself. It really can get messy. Instead, embrace your curves (or your lack thereof) and stop comparing yourself to someone else.
Research shows that people high in self-compassion have fewer body concerns, and this protective effect holds regardless of self-esteem levels. People who practice self-compassion treat themselves with kindness and understanding when they perceive themselves as falling short, rather than spiraling into harsh self-criticism.
4. When you're good with who you are, other people's opinions lose their power
We are always trying to figure out what others think of us, and we tend to tell ourselves that people see us negatively — this especially applies to women. This can stop us from trying new things because we are worried about what others will think.
In one study, researchers had participants wear a potentially embarrassing T-shirt into a room full of people, then asked them to guess what percentage noticed. Participants believed about 50 percent of others had clocked the shirt, but in reality, only about 25 percent actually had.
I say, if you want to wear that hot pink blouse to the office, then wear it. Who cares what anybody else has to say about it? Stop allowing people's judgment to make decisions for you and start making your own choices.
5. Being cool with your flaws frees you up to just ... be
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Women spend a lot of time trying to plan what their future will look like, when really, no one is capable of predicting what's going to happen. If we could, then the weatherman/woman would always be right. If you're going to spend all that time worrying about the future, then you might as well spend your time anticipating a positive outcome, no matter what happens.
Research published in 2022 found that uncertainty is actually a necessary precondition for positive emotions like hope and optimism, and helps people adopt a "broaden-and-build" stance that enhances problem-solving abilities, even in the face of adversity. Optimistic individuals are more resilient to stress and more inclined to use appropriate coping strategies when life throws curveballs.
These are also known as cognitive distortions. We are all guilty of them. If you find that you can't stop your self-harming thoughts, then it's time to talk to someone about it. The way we think about ourselves not only affects us but if affects those around us.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.
