People Can Tell You Are Completely Uninterested If You Say These 11 Things Too Often
Even if you don't mean to come across that way, saying certain phrases can show you're not really engaged.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock It's not uncommon to have moments where you're mid-conversation with someone and you realize you've just zoned out completely on what the other person was talking about. Up until that point, you might have even considered yourself someone who not only knew the importance of being an active listener, but prided yourself on the fact that you knew how to lend an ear to someone who might need it. However, sometimes you might not even realize that what you think is listening isn't actually listening and you're coming off as being completely uninterested instead.
Whether it's one-word responses or vague answers, people can tell you are completely uninterested if you say these things too often. Because even if you think you're doing a good job to mask your boredom, people can usually tell when you're not being present in conversations. If you end up catching yourself relying on these half-hearted responses and not actually show any interest in a social interaction, it might be time to start sounding a bit more alive and enthusiastic when talking to people, especially if you're trying to leave a good impression.
People can tell you are completely uninterested if you say these 11 things too often
1. 'That's crazy'
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Usually, saying "that's crazy" is just something that immediately lets the other person know that you're probably not as interested in the conversation as you're trying to come across as.
Considering you can use it in almost any kind of context, it ends up being the perfect non-committal way to respond when you want to pretend to be engaged but you don't actually know what to say next. Psychiatrist Timmen L. Cermak pointed out that most individuals "suffer from a lack of intimate conversations without understanding what they are missing."
In some cases, a "that's crazy" comment truly is necessary because there are moments that might warrant it. But if that's your go-to reaction to everything, big or small, it starts to just lose its meaning.
After a while, people can genuinely tell that you're not really reacting to what they've just told you, but you're simply reusing the same line just so there is no awkward lull in conversation. You're just halfway listening and honestly probably thinking about what you're going to do later on tonight.
The problem with this is that the other person can feel the disconnect, and to them it can feel as if they're being burdened rather than someone you actually want to talk to.
2. 'Anyway, moving on'
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A person can instantly feel brushed off when you're telling them that it's just time to move on during the topic of conversation. Dropping that phrase can feel like you are attempting to find your way out of the social interaction, but rather than naturally shifting the conversation, it's telling the other person that their words or even their problems just aren't important enough for you to actually stay engaged with.
Once someone is continuously using this phrase over and over again, the people around them suddenly know they just shouldn't share anything with them at all. Why would they share the things on their mind when they know you'll just hit them with an, "Anyway, moving on...?"
3. 'Whatever'
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People can tell you are completely uninterested if you say "Whatever" often. Because there's nothing quicker that can kill a conversation than giving this flat and emotionless word to someone that is trying to have a conversation with you or show you something that they're interested or excited about.
When you're being dismissive by using this phrase, it shows the other person that you're trying everything within your power to just end the social interaction and be on your way. Usually, people tend to gravitate towards saying "whatever" as a way of not having to explain themselves or even share the thoughts they're having.
However, brushing someone off with this one word is effectively shutting down any chance of having meaningful connections with people. As explained by research psychologist Dave Smallen, "Being vulnerable — or openly sharing deeply personal thoughts, feelings, or experiences — can be a powerful way to connect with others."
Maybe you're annoyed because you've had a bad day, or you're feeling tired, even overwhelmed. Or, you've just reached a point where you're done trying to understand. It's, at the end of the day, an effective way of trying to quickly exit a conversation rather than continuing it or even just attempting to be engaged.
Those who are just trying to not be vulnerable with the people around them usually feel inclined to just shrug their shoulders and offer a tentative "whatever," but you're not actually building any connections but just burning bridges.
4. 'That's one way to look at it'
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Usually, telling someone "that's one way to look at it" is just a polite way to pass on wanting to debate or challenge their point of view. Because you're not interested, you're simply dismissing the topic of conversation altogether rather than choosing to expel enough energy to explain your side.
So, instead of actually getting into it, you use this very neutral phrase and move on about your day. While many people think they're being good and engaging listeners, one study from Carnegie Mellon University found that we retain only around half of what people say to us, and that's usually directly after they say it.
The problem is, the person you're talking to can feel you putting up these walls and may feel as if you're not actually trying to hear them out. Part of listening is being able to hear someone out, even if you don't necessarily agree with them.
But to just dismiss them at the drop of a hat can leave them feeling unheard and disrespected. The only way that we can have productive conversations is by actually trying to be interested in the differing opinions of those around us.
5. 'I'm just here'
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There are definitely circumstances where people are comforted by your presence and they don't really need you to say anything. But when you're constantly using the "I'm just here" phrase as a way to absolve yourself of actually having something to say or even just to show that you're engaged and interested, the other person can feel incredibly put off and upset by the fact that you're just trying to distance yourself.
By saying it, you're making your detachment clear and obvious. The other person can actively feel that your attention is wandering from them, and it's hard for them to get whatever's on their chest off when they know you're simply not engaged anymore. You might physically be in the conversation, but mentally, your energy and brain power is elsewhere entirely.
6. 'You've told me that before'
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Rather than letting the other person feel heard with the things they're saying, saying this phrase can make it seem as if their words are just not something you're interested in. You're keeping score of how many times they may have told you that specific story or anecdote rather than actually listening. It can sound passive-aggressive, even if you're just trying to move the conversation along and not hear the same story multiple times.
The other person involved in the conversation can end up feeling as if you're trying to point out that they might be talking too much and that you're just tired of hearing them. Even if that's not the reality, there are definitely better ways of letting someone know they're repeating themselves without making them feel dismissed or that you're uninterested in being part of the dialogue.
7. 'If you want'
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People can tell you are completely uninterested if you say "if you want," because you may as well just tell them "I don't care." Truthfully, that's the same kind of energy that this phrase gives off.
It might feel as if you're just trying to be flexible and easygoing by telling someone that they can just do what they want, but in actuality, you're usually just trying to emotionally distance yourself rather than speaking up and acting interested. It's totally fine to not feel strongly about something, but when you find yourself just saying it constantly, it starts to sound as if you really don't care about anything at all.
When you're having these social interactions, especially with people that you're close with, they'll start to feel like you don't have a single opinion. And they want to hear your opinions. The other person can just end up feeling as if they're the only one who is carrying the decisions every single time you hangout or interact.
The best way to overcome this habit, as encouraged by clinical psychologist Dianne Grande, is to just be completely honest with yourself about it in the first place. "Acceptance of what you're doing now or not can be followed by a desire to make changes for your well-being," she explained.
8. 'Sounds like a lot'
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There are social situations you can be in where someone might be telling you something they've just recently been through, and there's really nothing else to say except "sounds like a lot." But people who usually say this when someone's venting or explaining something heavy use it as a way of just acknowledging what someone is going through without actually getting emotionally invested.
When someone's unloading, it can be a lot to try and figure out what to say that's both comforting and not dismissive. But when you're just telling them that they're going through a lot, it usually isn't comforting at all. It's also not a way that they can feel connected to you either.
People can usually tell that you're just trying to put a gap between them and their problems rather than actually being interested in what they might be experiencing. Psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen pointed out that it's only the skills of self-validation and reflective listening that can help people stay calm and actually engaged when listening to other people's problems.
Because, at the end of the day, when people are trying to open up to you, it's because they're attempting to share and emotionally connect with you.
9. 'You'll figure it out'
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Tacking this on the end of a long response to someone that's opened up to you about issues they're having in their personal life can be validating and encouraging, but when this is your only response, the other person can feel as if you're just not interested at all.
Usually, when you don't know what kind of advice or suggestion to give, you lean on this phrase because it's easy and low risk. It's as if you're simply saying, "Good luck, but I'm not really sticking around to actually try and help you."
The thing about this phrase is that it really doesn't leave any room for you to actually give your full-on opinion or even get a tiny bit emotionally invested. Showing even just a bit of curiosity can help change someone else's experience during a conversation, rather than just making them feel as if they're being brushed aside.
10. 'It is what it is'
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Sometimes it really is just an "it is what it is" response that's warranted, but other times, people can tell you are completely uninterested if you say this too often. It can end up coming off completely dismissive and uninterested.
When you use this phrase all the time, you're just telling the other person that while you might be hearing them, you're not actually trying to get invested enough to do anything about it. It can make the other person feel as if the things they're excited about or even just concerned about aren't worth more than a shrug and this kind of comment.
Even if you're just intending to come off as neutral, it might not always come across like that. The things that most people appreciate from someone they're in a social interaction with is someone who's present, physically and emotionally. They're empathetic, curious, and asking the right questions to try and get a better understanding. Those are the kinds of things that leave people feeling heard and valued.
11. 'I don't really care either way'
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While you may think you're coming off chill by not giving a committed answer or response to someone, simply telling them that "I don't really care either way" can come off a bit harsh. By not wanting to get involved or give the opinion on your mind, it tells people that you're just not invested at all. You might as well just be shrugging your shoulders because that's the same kind of energy that this phrase has.
"Being fully present with whoever you're with or wherever you are serves you and others around you well. Sometimes it's necessary to pause the 'doing' and sit with the 'being' to really build and strengthen the connections with yourself and others in your world," insisted psychotherapist and life coach Pamela S. Willsey.
You're avoiding the responsibility of actually getting involved and, over time, repeatedly using this phrase can end up, just like all of the other phrases, driving a wedge between you and the people that you genuinely care about.
Being intentionally present in a conversation requires you to give your whole energy, not just parts of it when you feel like it. People simply don't want to feel as if they're communicating with a brick wall about the things that are important to them.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
