11 Awful Male Behaviors That Women Are Taught To Romanticize
Society tells women that they should just tolerate bad behavior from men.
AYO Production | Shutterstock The world has come a long way in the fight for gender equality. Women are certainly in a better place now than they were a century ago. But even though women make up a significant part of the workforce, are choosing to remain childfree, and sometimes remain single, it doesn't mean that we've overcome all of the toxic social norms that developed around men being dominant. Because there are still awful male behaviors that women are taught to romanticize.
Why do women put up with bad behavior from men? There are a variety of reasons. One of them, according to relationship coach Cherlyn Chong, is that women come to believe that if they leave a toxic relationship, there will be no one else out there for them. They'll be alone and lonely for the rest of their lives. So, instead of leaving men when they exhibit bad behavior, women romanticize it away, using it as evidence of the man's deep love for and devotion to them.
Here are 11 awful male behaviors that women are taught to romanticize
1. Picking on you
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Unfortunately, this awful behavior from men starts young and never really stops. Little girls are taught that it's perfectly fine if a boy picks on them and teases them. In fact, it's a good thing because it means that he likes her.
Instead of just teaching boys how to express their feelings, it's easier to accept this excuse. While this behavior changes as everyone grows up because they aren't trading taunts on the playground anymore, it's still entirely possible that a grown man would poke fun at a woman he is interested in.
Psychology professor Nancy Darling explained that teasing and bullying are two different things, but really only to the one engaging in the behavior. "From the perspective of the perpetrator and of an outside observer, teasing is different from bullying," she said. "From the perspective of the victim, the distinction may be unimportant. Teasing can also turn into bullying."
So, to the person experiencing the teasing, it may feel very much like they're being bullied. But when it comes to boys and girls or men and women, people will write off this teasing as a sign that the boy or man has a crush and is struggling to share his feelings.
Perhaps a better approach to this problem, rather than teaching women from girlhood that they have to put up with this behavior because it's actually a good thing, would be to teach boys how to understand and properly express their emotions.
2. Control
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Control is one of the truly awful male behaviors that women are taught to romanticize, rather than be rightfully concerned about. Instead of being viewed as a dangerous behavior that could be very hurtful and even abusive, women are taught that this is actually a sign of love and commitment.
If a man wants to control a woman, then that must mean that he loves her and desperately wants their relationship to work, right? Wrong.
Health and wellness journalist Hilary I. Lebow shared that some of the hallmarks of a controlling relationship are micromanaging, criticizing, gaslighting, and isolating. "A controlling partner is likely to use manipulation tactics that may affect your self-perception and invalidate how you feel," she said. "For example, they may avoid accountability by focusing the blame on you."
It's not exactly surprising that men think they can control their female counterparts. After all, isn't that what men did for, well... centuries? Women were placed in a subservient position to men for so long that it unfortunately just stuck in some ways.
Although modern relationships have evolved quite a bit, men still fall into that pattern of being controlling sometimes and trying to clip women's wings. Although women may be taught to romanticize it, being controlled is never okay.
3. Jealousy
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Jealousy is toxic, but it's not often viewed that way. Instead, women are taught to see jealousy as a sign of how much a man wants them. If a man is jealous, then they're valued. They're loved. This couldn't be further from the truth.
While jealousy is a natural human emotion that everyone will experience from time to time, excessive amounts are a red flag. A jealous man can be a dangerous one, both emotionally and, if it goes too far, physically.
"Has your partner become more controlling by questioning your behaviors and motives?" health and wellness writer Katie Stiles asked. "Are you feeling insecure and creating scenarios in your head and destructively projecting them onto your relationship? If so, jealousy might be the culprit." She added, "Also, jealousy can arise spontaneously and potentially sabotage our otherwise healthy and harmonious relationships."
Jealousy is tricky because it can make a woman (or anyone, really) feel wanted. It's easy to conflate this toxic behavior with a sign of true love. But jealousy is just a smoke screen.
A jealous man is insecure and untrustworthy. He can't allow a woman to just live her life and have autonomy over her choices. Instead, he must insert himself into every situation and assert his dominance.
4. Needing to know your location
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Another terrible trait some men have is the constant need to know where a woman is. If she's out with friends, he'll want to know where and who is there. He may even want some kind of proof beyond verbal confirmation, like receipts, or even go so far as to track her location with an app.
This sounds pretty bad, and it is, but women are taught to view it as a man trying to keep them safe and just looking out for them. Obviously, this goes far beyond that.
Experts said this is a sure sign of a controlling partner, which we've already established is a bad thing. This can be particularly true if a woman feels the need to hide her whereabouts from a man or tell little white lies about where she was. Relationship therapist Megan Bruneau said, "If there are a lot of secrets you're keeping for fear of judgment or the way he might respond... it may be a sign he's controlling."
Of course, wanting to know where your partner is for safety reasons is a different matter entirely. If a man wants to know where a woman is so he has peace of mind in case something really does happen, that's sweet. But wanting to know her location constantly out of a need to be in control and keep track of her? That's not cute.
Women should be careful around men who keep such careful track of them that it almost feels like they're being stalked.
5. Emotional distance
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It is important to keep in mind that some men are emotionally distant for serious reasons. Maybe it has something to do with the way he was raised, or maybe he's been hurt in the past.
However, some men will attempt to appear distant just so they look mysterious — because all the girls want a guy who's mysterious, right? Well, that seems to be the impression men are under, so they make themselves unavailable and detached.
According to health and wellness writer Crystal Raypole, "Recognizing emotional unavailability can be tricky. Many emotionally unavailable people have a knack for making you feel great about yourself and hopeful about the future of your relationship. But if, after an encouraging start, you never connect more intimately, they might not have the ability to maintain anything beyond casual involvement at the moment."
If men truly have a reason to be emotionally distant and unavailable, that's one thing. But if he's doing it just for the sake of appearing ambiguous and therefore making himself more desirable, that's not a good sign.
The whole "mysterious is attractive" thing is basically a myth. No one wants to have to guess how their partner is feeling or wonder if they're really into them. Being emotionally distant for this reason just doesn't work.
6. Anger
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Anger is another natural human emotion that we all experience. It's not necessarily bad on its own and can actually be quite cathartic. But if a man is bringing anger to his relationship, that's not a good thing.
Anger is another of the awful male behaviors that women are taught to romanticize. After all, men are often portrayed in popular media as being angry. It just means they're misunderstood. Or, maybe their anger is really just a sign of their protective nature. Whatever the excuse is, women will write anger off as being natural for men and just something to deal with quietly.
Therapist Dr. Robert Navarra explained how destructive anger can be in a relationship. "Unlike anger that is tripped by common day-to-day frustrations leading to irritability between partners and manageable negativity between partners (that's normal), I am referring to an immediate and destructive flash of anger (or hurt) that forms our response to our partner and gets in front of our ability to put the brakes on," he revealed.
Anger does not equate to protectiveness or some sort of misunderstanding. If a man is truly angry, there's a good chance that that's just part of his nature, and it's not something that can be fixed or healed with time.
He's not acting out of love or hurt. Instead, he's acting on something much darker. Women need to be aware of this and be prepared to see the warning signs.
7. Lack of vulnerability
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Just like some people struggle with emotional distance, some struggle to be vulnerable and can't form intimate emotional connections. That's just a fact of life. But some men act this way purposefully.
Women are taught to expect a lack of emotion from men, and to romanticize the idea that they just won't open up. This is the stereotypical image of a man, after all. But that doesn't mean it should be tolerated.
Communication expert Jarie Bolander shared why vulnerability is so difficult for men. "Traditional masculinity often frames emotional openness as weakness," he said. "Vulnerability — expressing grief, fear, or doubt — is acceptable only in rare, dramatic moments: a eulogy, the birth of a child, a national tragedy."
Because men are so tied to the stigma that comes with traditional, toxic masculinity, they quite literally don't know how to be vulnerable. That doesn't mean that women should just accept this behavior, though.
Instead of thinking that's just the way things are and nothing will change, women can challenge these gender and societal norms and encourage men to open up more. They don't have to settle for a lack of emotional vulnerability just because it's what's expected, and they don't have to romanticize it just because that's what our culture has taught them to do.
8. Ignoring rejection
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If a man just ignores it when a woman turns him down and keeps trying to make a relationship happen, it just means he's really smitten, or that she's playing hard to get, or maybe a bit of both, right? That's what society would have women believe.
We're taught that the word "no" holds so much power, but when women use it, they're rarely listened to. Surely they can't really mean they don't want that man to pursue a relationship with them.
A study performed by Helen Fisher found that people who refuse to give up on something, or, more specifically, someone they can't have, are basically dependent on a drug, and that drug is the other person.
As professor and researcher Berit Brogaard explained, "The reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, [dependency], and cravings." Of course, this can happen to anyone regardless of gender.
And all of this is expected to not only be accepted, but to also be romanticized. Those unwanted flowers a man keeps sending aren't stalker-ish. Instead, they're a sweet sign of affection and devotion. He just can't give up, and instead of forcing him to, the woman is expected to basically just wear down and accept the inevitable at some point and give him a chance. This is so wrong.
9. Possessiveness
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Conventional wisdom would tell you that a possessive man is just a passionate one who is really in love. It's similar to jealousy. He just loves that woman so much that he feels this possessive pull over her, and this is supposed to make her feel wanted and appreciated.
Possessiveness is one of the most overly-romanticized traits that men have, and it's like a trap for women. They're supposed to just accept that a man is possessive and treats them poorly because of it.
Therapist Heather Lofton said that this can manifest in the form of a man not treating a woman like an equal partner, but instead like someone he has to take care of. "That's a form of extreme protection and possession that can, again, be viewed as flattering, but also very damaging at the same time," she noted. What makes it so difficult is that it can make it seem like he cares when he's really just going to an extreme.
Possessive men do not see women as equals in a partnership. Instead, they see them as someone to dominate and control. This is not okay. A relationship should always feel equal. A woman shouldn't feel like she's being controlled, and she shouldn't just accept that as the norm because it's what society told her to do.
10. Irresponsibility
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Men acting irresponsible is accepted for a lot of different reasons. One is that society just presents women as the more responsible ones, so men have some leeway to act a little immature if they want to.
Another reason is that men want to appear fun; they think it makes them look desirable to be happy-go-lucky, and in some ways that may be true. But being truly irresponsible can't just be overlooked because of all of this.
This behavior is so serious that it could be a sign of an actual condition. Mental health writer Hope Gillette called this responsibility deficit disorder, which is not an actual diagnosis, but can explain some behavior.
"If you have trouble accepting responsibility for wrongdoings or notice that you avoid taking on responsibility in your daily life, understanding the reason why this happens can help you learn to manage these behaviors," she said.
Not being responsible doesn't necessarily mean you're more fun than other people. In fact, being irresponsible can get you in a lot of trouble that is decidedly not fun.
So, while women are taught to romanticize men being irresponsible and even occasionally reckless, it's far from a good thing. You can't really trust someone who's irresponsible or expect them to keep you safe, which is a big problem in any relationship.
11. Telling you what to do
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Just like some men like to know where women are every second of the day, some like to tell them what to do. But it's just another of the awful male behaviors that women are taught to romanticize.
Whether this has to do with who they spend time with, what they do in their free time, or even what they do for work, there are men who believe they have a right to dictate a woman's entire life. And this is simply accepted and romanticized because, well, it's the way things were always done. For hundreds of thousands of years, women were not independent and relied on men to tell them what they could do.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology examined the connection between intimate partner violence (IPV) and controlling behavior. "Male intimate partner controlling behavior, on which this paper focuses, is categorized as a moderate form of IPV and is considered as an indicator of more damaging future [violent] acts," researchers said. "The term refers to systematic efforts by one partner to control the movements and activities of the other partner and her social interactions with other people outside the home."
A man attempting to take control of a woman's life isn't just him trying to dictate what she wears or where she goes. It runs much deeper than that and can truly be sinister. And this is not something that should be romanticized at all.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
