You Can Almost Always Tell Someone Is Unhappy By These 11 Behaviors That Are Obvious Once You See Them
snob | Shutterstock While sadness is a universal and normal emotion to feel, when someone is dealing with chronic unhappiness, their behavior starts to shift. Whether it's isolating themselves, neglecting self-care, or over-apologizing, you can almost always tell someone is unhappy by these behaviors that are obvious once you see them. At first, however, they may be so good at hiding their unhappiness that these actions seem normal.
Feeling embarrassed and conflicted, they'll bury their emotions to avoid anyone finding out. But try as they may, eventually, their behavior will give them away, especially to their closest friends and loved ones. When people notice that others are feeling down like this, it's essential to offer a support system. Because while they might not open up right away, they can have a safe space that is the difference between thriving and feeling alone.
You can almost always tell someone is unhappy by these 11 behaviors that are obvious once you see them
1. They withdraw socially
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Sometimes, people will never admit how miserable they are. Feeling embarrassed, they'd rather hide how they feel than be vulnerable with those closest to them. Of course, this isn't exactly healthy in the long run because, according to a landmark study, a lack of social connection is more damaging to our physical health than high blood pressure, smoking, and obesity.
People who struggle will almost always keep their emotions to themselves, so it's crucial to note this concerning behavior. While it could be a temporary retreat, the longer it happens, the more accustomed they'll become, leading to worsening well-being.
2. Their reactions seem forced
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It isn't easy dealing with tough emotions. Whether it's temporary sadness or something more chronic, being taught to grin and bear it no matter what is exhausting. So, you can almost always tell someone is unhappy by their forced reactions. On the outside, it might seem difficult to determine if someone is being authentic; however, from tight smiles to responding in a curt way, fakeness can be easy to spot.
Unlike people who linger in joy, those who are unhappy quickly revert to a neutral facial expression. It isn't intentional, but they can't keep up the facade forever. The more they fake it, the more they burn out, causing them to retreat into their sadness even more.
3. They're constantly exhausted
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Between work and relationships, most people can't catch a break. But after a good night's rest, most people are ready to begin anew with an extra pep in their step. Unlike those who are unhappy, the average person doesn't linger in their exhaustion, and takes steps to recharge.
For people who are very unhappy, it isn't just physical exhaustion that has them down. Those who are completely drained feel it in their soul. No matter how much rest they get, it feels like they're never fully energized.
As licensed clinical psychologist Shannon Sauer-Zavala explained, "If you're constantly tired, it's not just about sleep. It's about the sheer number of decisions, responsibilities, and expectations you're carrying." So, if you notice a friend or loved one who's always complaining about feeling exhausted, help them out. They might not ask for it, but a little help goes a long way.
4. They're easily irritable
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Nobody likes to be in a bad mood, but it's not always their own fault. From being highly stressed to feeling as if nothing is going right, there are plenty of reasons someone can become irritated. From snapping to storming away, they can't control themselves.
Feeling so unhappy and on edge, these individuals don't know how to keep their emotions in check. And while this isn't their fault necessarily, lingering in this energy isn't a good idea. According to a study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, irritation can lead to things like depression and anxiety.
5. They're overly reliant on distractions
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Everyone gets a bit distracted from time to time. Whether it's using their phone or a video game, sometimes people just want to check out from reality for a little bit. While being distracted is normal, everyone has a life to get back to. Whether it's a partner or a job, this can only take us so far. On the flip side, those who are unhappy can't help but overuse distractions.
Whether it's their intention or not, overuse of distractions is dangerous, as it can serve as a form of dissociation. Not only is this an unhealthy coping mechanism, but it can also impact a person's relationships. So, if you notice that your loved one is using something to escape, check in with them. While these conversations are uncomfortable, they're necessary.
6. They stop talking about the future
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Whether it's no longer discussing their future plans or always changing the subject when their life is the topic of conversation, you can almost always tell someone is unhappy by these behaviors that are obvious once you see them. In their mind, there's nothing hopeful to look forward to.
No matter where they look, their hope continues to decrease as stagnation becomes the new norm. And while you might not be able to help them directly, letting them know that you're there and showing up for them is one of the greatest things someone can do when a loved one is chronically unhappy.
7. They downplay their feelings
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Most of us have had someone downplay our emotions at some point, but feeling dismissed doesn't feel great. No matter what their intention is, being shut down is one of those things people can't recover from easily. As a 2024 study revealed, "Social rejection breeds feelings of distress, physiological signals of stress, decreased self-esteem, and, in some cases, increased aggression, all of which can harm well-being."
When someone jokes about their feelings, it's usually not a good thing. While they may hide it behind laughs and smiles, the truth is that this person is hurting deeply. And while many tend not notice it in the moment, don't be quick to brush their self-deprecating humor to the side.
8. They neglect things they used to care about
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Everyone has hobbies or interests they enjoy, whether it's gardening, reading nightly, or crafting something. But when people are very unhappy, they begin to stop doing the things they once enjoyed. Now, they neglect those very things that brought them joy, all because their unhappiness is taking over.
Unfortunately, unhappiness can be a silent poison, creeping up on a person without them even realizing it. It's crucial to get professional help in this case, because while it sounds extreme, neglecting these things is a huge sign that something deeper is going on.
9. They engage in people-pleasing behaviors
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People-pleasers wish they could shut off the part of their brain that cares too much. Unfortunately, as a survey from YouGov found, 48% of Americans identify as people-pleasers. And for a very unhappy person, they likely engage in people-pleasing behaviors.
In the beginning, they believe that staying silent and catering to others is the right thing to do. But the deeper their people-pleasing behavior goes, the unhappier they become. So, it's okay to not give people an answer directly and think things through instead. It's normal not to want to disappoint, but mental health and well-being should always come first.
10. They compare themselves to others
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You can almost always tell someone is unhappy when they compare themselves to others, which becomes quite obvious once you see them. While people constantly compare themselves to individuals they see in movies, television, or on social media, insecurity has a way of getting the best of us. But unlike unhappy people, normal people work through it.
Even if it isn't easy, they know that insecurity will only make them feel worse. Even so, because they're filled with sadness and hopelessness, they internalize everything, making it much harder to let negativity go.
11. They apologize excessively
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When someone over-apologizes, it's not because they did anything wrong. In fact, nothing is actually their fault, but due to their negative state of mind, they can't help but feel like everything bad that happens is on them.
Even if it's completely unrelated to them personally, unhappy people deal with an immense amount of guilt and shame. But rather than work through it, they stew in this energy. As professors Tara Ceranic Salinas and Ed Love explained, when people feel guilty, it can have profound and negative effects on their physical and mental health. So, it's crucial to work through it, no matter how difficult it seems.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
