Husbands Who Say These 11 Phrases Are Pretty Much Gaslighting Their Wives On A Daily Basis
DexonDee | Shutterstock Marriage is built on many things, especially trust and loyalty. But communication is also a big component of what can help a marriage flourish. Without healthy and respectful dialogue between a husband and wife, there will be a lot of conflict and misunderstandings. Many husbands, in particular, may not even notice that the things they're saying are quite harmful. Gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation, can quickly deteriorate a marriage in the blink of an eye.
Whether it's forcing advice on their partner or expressing their frustration in an unkind way, husbands who say these phrases are pretty much gaslighting their wives on a daily basis. Even words that sound harmless when they're coming out can quickly cause a wife's confidence to disappear completely. Gaslighting only hurts relationships because of the fact that it totally detracts from the sense of reality that you share with your partner. Gaslighting doesn't necessarily mean a husband is being intentionally cruel, but the impact on the person who is receiving these statements matters a lot.
Husbands who say these 11 phrases are pretty much gaslighting their wives on a daily basis
1. 'You're too sensitive'
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Husbands who are gaslighting their wives will completely dismiss her emotions and frame it as her just being too sensitive. It makes her feel like her feelings aren't real or important. From her partner, she should be able to voice her concerns without judgement.
"Invalidation can be overt, such as telling someone they are overreacting, or subtle, such as failing to acknowledge their emotions altogether. It often occurs in small, seemingly insignificant moments that accumulate, creating deep emotional wounds. At its core, invalidation makes a person feel as though their emotions and perspectives do not matter," warned psychotherapist Moshe Ratson.
To be dismissed in that way can make a wife feel quite small. Her husband is simply refusing to address the issues that caused the feelings in the first place, and is even attempting to shift responsibility away from his own behavior. On the receiving end of this phrase, you'll quickly start replaying interactions and wondering if it's all very true.
2. 'It's not a big deal, get over it'
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Whether it's "don't make a scene" or "it's not a big deal so get over it," husbands who say these phrases are pretty much gaslighting their wives on a daily basis. It might seem like an attempt to calm her down, but a husband like this is actually attempting to do the opposite.
Rather than being able to acknowledge the issue, he's attempting to just silence her altogether. It leaves a wife seriously questioning her own instincts and feelings. That doubt even has a way of spilling over into other aspects of her life, making it harder for her to trust her own gut.
Expressing herself becomes a risk, even amongst her family and friends. Even when her reactions are completely valid, she'll start internalizing everything she's feeling and quickly learn that she can't confide with her husband.
3. 'You're acting like a child'
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When a husband says this phrase, he's attempting to frame his wife's emotions as being immature. He's implying, again, that her reactions are simply not valid at all. Rather than being able to actually talk about what's happened, the conversation becomes about her supposed immaturity when he's the one who's probably being the immature person.
A wife is essentially being told that her emotions or her opinions aren't worth being expressed at all when that shouldn't be the case. In a marriage, a wife's feeling should matter in the same way that her husband's feelings should matter.
4. 'That never happened'
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Just flat-out denying events that she clearly remembers is the highest form of gaslighting a husband can do. It immediately creates a sense of utter confusion where she feels like she's not even living in the reality that's happening. When this ends up becoming a pattern, she'll start second-guessing her memory.
"Most of us have had this experience, and it can be difficult and painful to navigate. When your partner denies ever having done what hurt you, it can feel like a brick wall goes up in the relationship, one with no way through. The wall prevents all growth and healing because if what hurt you never happened, then the possibility of having your hurt feelings heard or acknowledged is off the table," insisted psychotherapist Nancy Colier.
It's incredibly isolating, and meanwhile the other person acts as if nothing ever occurred. The memory was real, but the denial turns it into something that feels like it only exists in their head. Over time, a wife hearing this will start avoiding raising concerns to dodge the frustration that will ensue from hearing her husband constantly bring her down and claim that something didn't happen in the first place.
5. 'Why are you so defensive?'
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A wife is often put in a position where she's being forced to explain and clarify when she's facing accusations of being defensive from her husband. Even when she's not, she'll end up talking herself into circles and coming across as defensive when she's just trying to express how she's feeling.
A husband often does this to avoid accountability for what caused that tension in the first place. It makes communication harder and can create this cycle of constantly arguing and not being able to see eye to eye. It's a hard dynamic to be in and can completely ruin the respect between a couple.
6. 'You're overreacting'
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Whether it's "you're overreacting" or "you're getting worked up over nothing," husbands who say these phrases are pretty much gaslighting their wives on a daily basis. He might not even realize just how much it will make her revert into her shell.
In the same way that she won't like being called "too sensitive," she doesn't want to hear that she's overreacting. Making her feel embarrassed will only leave her feeling uncomfortable with having open conversations with her husband.
"The object of manipulation, in this case, is their level of emotional intensity. Your reward is that you don't have to take their reaction seriously, and the negative consequence for them is that they're left questioning whether their emotions are valid at all," said psychologist Mark Travers.
It shuts down any kind of communication that should be happening. Suddenly, a wife is censoring how she feels and worrying that anything she says will be seen as unreasonable. Rather than being able to solve problems together, the focus is now on trying to manage reactions.
7. 'I can't believe you're upset about this'
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By expressing disbelief over her feelings rather than just empathy, a wife is often left feeling quite low about herself. Instead of her being able to have a safe space with her husband to express the concerns that she may have, she's being told that her emotions are just an inconvenience. It shuts down conversations before they even happen.
Slowly, a wife will not begin to trust her own judgment. That kind of dynamic is unhealthy in a relationship, and being told your reaction is unbelievable implies that you're the only person who feels that way. It can make her feel so alone in her experience. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but when you're being told that you have no reason to be upset, it diminishes that partnership quite quickly.
8. 'Can't you just take a joke?'
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What's framed as a joke only serves to dismiss the feelings of the other person. A joke is only a joke when both people are laughing, but saying a "joke" at the expense of someone else's feelings is not respectful at all.
By labeling a comment as a joke, a husband doesn't have to refine his own behavior. "This natural human inclination to pin the blame on our partners gives away our power to create positive change and to deepen our intimacy practice," said psychology expert James Cordova.
He can instead put it all on her and make it her own issue when, in reality, it's his. He's escaping accountability in the process and it leaves a wife unsure about which comments are safe to react to and which are not. It's not about keeping the peace, it's about asserting control and trying to avoid having to look inward and his own behavior.
9. 'Why can't you just let it go?'
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Disagreements are part of a normal marriage, but husbands who say "why can't you just let it go? are pretty much gaslighting their wives on a daily basis. He might have let the issue go, but that's only because his feelings weren't the ones that were impacted.
Rather than being able to apologize and own up to the mistake that he might have made, he doubles down and instead turns it around on her. She should be the one getting over it, in his eyes. In reality, she should be allowed to have her moment of being upset and her husband should be doing everything he can to ensure that he's fixing his mistake.
Without the acknowledgment of the tension, the same problem will keep cropping up again and again. It has to be addressed in a respectful way and communicated efficiently rather than just being dismissed entirely.
10. 'Everyone else agrees with me'
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Bringing up the fact that everyone around him agrees with his point rather than hers implies that her viewpoint doesn't matter at all. Whether or not everyone else agrees shouldn't matter. But he's using it as a way to make her feel alone in her opinion and feelings. Even if she has valid concerns, she starts to feel like it's her against her husband and everyone that he knows.
"Unresolved issues with our romantic partners don't make us feel good. Not being able to adequately process and heal from interpersonal wrongs through effective communication can foster defensiveness, reactivity, and resentment," psychotherapist Katherine Cullen pointed out.
That pressure makes it hard for her to even have some honest communication. It chips away at her confidence as well and makes it definitively hard to trust her own mind. Over time, this kind of minimizing makes it hard to even resolve good conflict. And a marriage that can't overcome conflict is probably doomed to have way more moments of tension.
11. 'I guess I'm just a terrible husband then'
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A husband who is gaslighting his wife will often try and play the victim. Now the focus isn't on her feelings, it's about his guilt and how bad he feels. Even if she has raised a legitimate issue, his immediate play for pity pressures her to comfort him rather than being able to work on the issue together.
"Validation is the lifeblood of emotional connection. It is the glue that holds relationships together, ensuring that partners feel heard, seen, and understood. When the destructive counterpart, invalidation, takes place, it erodes the foundation of love and trust," Ratson added.
That leaves a wife feeling like she's the one who's responsible for her husband's emotions. She now feels compelled to soothe him or apologize just to restore the peace. Now the issue can't be resolved.
It's essentially a manipulative phrase because it's meant to silence her feelings. She's then left questioning whether she's the one who's taking it too far when, in reality, she's not at all.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
