If You Notice These 11 Things In A Married Couple’s Bedroom, They’re Likely Not Intimate Anymore
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Emotional intimacy and connection play an incredibly important role in creating physical closeness, longevity, and affection in a relationship, according to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, so when one falters, it can throw off the entire balance. While disconnection in these relationships can often be unsuspected to their friends and family, if you notice these things in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore.
Whether that means sleeping in the same bed, cuddling before falling asleep, or syncing their sleep schedules together, if a couple is missing out on these small moments of togetherness and connection, it’s not just warm feelings of affection they’ve lost.
If you notice these 11 things in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore
1. Two clearly different bedtimes
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According to a study published in the Journal of Sleep Research, couples who sync their bedtimes and nighttime routines are often more connected and satisfied than those who don’t. They appreciate more closeness and quality time, just by going to bed at the same time, which boosts their intimacy, even during waking hours.
However, if you notice evidence of two clearly different bedtimes or bedtime rituals in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore. Whether it’s sleeping in separate beds as an avoidance strategy or one partner staying up later to avoid quality time, these small behaviors can be a clue to bigger problems in a relationship.
2. A TV that’s always on
Even if it seems like a harmless part of a couple’s bedroom decor, having a TV in the same place you rest is associated with lower levels of intimacy and closeness in a relationship, according to a 2018 study. Not only does it serve as a distraction from quality time and important conversations between couples, but constant screen time right before bed can also harm sleep in ways that disconnect couples during waking hours.
So, if you notice a TV or a million screens in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore or are struggling to revamp their spark.
3. Phone chargers next to the bed
According to a study published in the Indian Journal of Medical Research, greater mobile phone usage is often associated with worsened sleep quality. Unsurprisingly, when both partners are consistently getting poor sleep and struggling with symptoms of sleep deprivation, which are more common than you might think, they never show up as the best versions of themselves with each other during waking hours.
So, if you notice a couple’s phone chargers are right next to their bed, urging them to scroll before bed or check their emails first thing in the morning, that could be a sign that they’re getting poor sleep, a cause of so many marriage problems and relationship strains for many couples.
4. A lack of photos together
While it might seem like a simple, harmless thing to notice in someone’s home, if there are no photos of a couple together in their space, it could be a reflection of disconnection in their relationship. In addition to doing the work of putting them up in your space, just looking at photos of you and your partner together boosts marital satisfaction, well-being, and closeness.
So, if you notice these things missing from a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore. They don’t have these small moments to bond and appreciate each other, whether it’s looking at a photo together or just sharing space.
5. A focus on only one person’s aesthetic
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Part of the closeness that comes from a shared home together is compromise — building a safe, comfortable space that reflects both you, your partner, and the relationship you’ve blended together. If it’s clear that one person’s aesthetic, things, or sentimental items are taking up the majority of a room or wallspace, chances are that compromise is lacking in other areas of their relationship, as well.
That’s part of the reason why home renovations tend to spark tension in a couple’s relationship, especially when they don’t have the communication skills needed to resolve conflicts and disagreements in a healthy manner.
So, if you notice these things in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore. The resentment they’ve held onto from a lack of compromise is sabotaging connections in all forms.
6. A pet that sleeps in the bed
While snuggling and spending time with our pets can bring a lot of meaning and joy to our lives, if they’re presence blocks connection for a couple in bed, it can lower intimacy all around. From missing out on the power of cuddling before bed to fighting over space and missing out on quality sleep, if you notice pets in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore.
Even if we’re prone to overlooking its importance, getting good sleep every night plays a big role in intimacy, satisfaction, and general well-being in our relationships. So, be intentional about how you sleep and who you choose to let into your bedroom — even a pet.
7. No evidence of bedtime rituals
From disconnecting from cell phones to going for a walk outside to unwinding for the night together in a safe space, a shared bedtime routine with a partner can often bring couples together. However, if you notice no evidence of these routines in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore.
Even if it’s just making the decision to go to bed at the same time every night, that can be wildly powerful for kindling a spark and intimacy in a relationship, at least according to psychology professor Michelle Drouin.
8. A cold, impersonal room
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While a lack of compromise that shows up in a bedroom aesthetic that only suits one partner has its own issues, if the safe space where a couple sleeps is cold and impersonal, that can take away from the intimacy. Not only does it miss out on opportunities to soothe and relax partners, but bedtime also becomes a routine without meaning.
If you’re sharing a home with someone, it should not only reflect each person’s individuality but also feel warm, inviting, and safe.
9. A king-sized bed with more space than necessary
According to a study shared by Harvard Health, touching and intentional affection in a relationship often boost satisfaction. Whether it’s cuddling in bed or brushing arms while sleeping in the same bed, it’s these small moments of connection that make a huge difference for intimacy between partners.
However, if a couple has a king bed with more space than they really need, chances are they’re subtly drifting apart in a space that’s meant to drive connection and intimacy.
10. Clutter everywhere
Even if it’s harmless and unavoidable at home, if you notice constant clutter in a married couple’s bedroom, they’re likely not intimate anymore. Not only does clutter tend to spark emotional chaos and stress for people at home, but it can also easily sabotage the sleep couples need to feel connected and close.
Their brains are too caught up in managing the added stress of a messy bedroom and home that connecting with their partner becomes a challenge.
11. Separate blankets
If a couple is using separate blankets to avoid quality time and affection in their bedroom, chances are they’re likely not intimate at all anymore.
Of course, separate blankets, and even separate beds and rooms, can all serve a healthy purpose in some relationships, helping to promote better sleep habits. But if these small clues in a married couple’s bedroom stem from avoidance and emotional space, chances are they’re simply strategies for dealing with a loss of intimacy or romantic love.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
