If A Husband Feels Deeply Alone, He’ll Start Doing These 11 Things Around The House
Kiselev Andrey Valerevich / Shutterstock While loneliness often stems from other, much larger issues in a relationship, like the loss of romantic love, communication, or trust, small behaviors at home can also be indicative of a partner who feels alone in their marriage.
Especially considering that physical well-being, loneliness, and marital satisfaction are all intertwined, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Issues, if a husband feels deeply alone, he’ll start doing certain things around the house that compromise his relationship and personal health. Even if they’re not immediately recognizable to others, if you notice your partner doing these things, chances are they’re coping with some kind of internal, emotional turmoil.
If a husband feels deeply alone, he’ll start doing these 11 things around the house
1. He goes to bed earlier or later
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According to a study published in the Journal of Sleep Research, couples who go to bed around the same time and sleep in the same bed tend to boast better relationship satisfaction than those who don’t. Not only does this quality time and closeness increase bonds, but it can also boost personal self-esteem and well-being.
That’s why if a husband starts feeling alone, he’ll avoid these moments of quality time. It’s a cycle — he feels emotionally unstable, isolates himself, and adds loneliness to the mix. From going to bed earlier or later to avoid togetherness or even staying at work later to avoid quality time, these are the things a husband always does around the house when he feels lonely in his relationship.
2. He cleans as a distraction
If a man feels deeply alone with his wife, he may resort to random avoidant strategies like cleaning into the early morning hours or finding something obscure to organize to sneak away from quality time.
Of course, as a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology explains, this kind of avoidant behavior only adds more stress and strain to a person’s life. So, while it might often provide a fleeting sense of comfort to someone struggling with internal strain, it’s hardly ever worth it in the long run.
3. He finds random things to fix
By finding something to use as an excuse, even if it’s a random squeaky door or the lawn that’s been mowed a million times in a single month, a husband who feels alone in his marriage can distract himself. Whether the actual random thing he’s fixing is necessary or not, it gives him space to regulate his own feelings and avoid any discomfort with his wife at home.
Of course, it might offer a sleeting sense of support, control, and peace, but if he continues to escape from his own marriage with excuses and misguided justifications, there will be no point of return.
4. He avoids shared spaces
Conflict and discomfort are almost inevitable when you’re sharing a space with a partner — or, anyone for that matter. While healthy couples often practice communication and conflict-resolution skills that carry them through these challenging times, if a husband feels deeply alone, he’ll start doing whatever he can around the house to avoid dealing with these arguments.
Even if it means avoiding their shared spaces entirely by going to a friend’s house without saying anything or working late at the office, they don’t mind doing so.
5. He starts eating alone
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Couples who share the mundane, intimate moments of life, from getting ready for bed to eating a meal during the day, are often the most connected. Even if they’re indulging in relatively “problematic” behaviors like spending a night on the couch with take-out, as a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests, they’re still bonding and boosting their well-being if they’re doing it together.
However, if a husband feels deeply lonely, he’ll start pulling away from these everyday habits around the house. He’ll start eating alone, removing themselves from conversations, and staying up later to avoid quality time.
6. He takes accountability for things he didn’t do
Even if it seems counterintuitive, a man who constantly apologizes and takes accountability for his partner may not actually be doing it sincerely. For some, it’s simply a means of maintaining control and pushing away real, uncomfortable conflict at home.
If they own up to everything and apologize, even when they didn’t do it, or their partner isn’t looking for an “I’m sorry,” they can avoid the confrontation they seem to dread at home.
7. He becomes overly focused on logistics
Many people who end up feeling more like roommates than actual marriage partners are focusing too heavily on the logistics of it all. They’re missing out on little moments of connection and intimacy, and instead putting all their time, energy, and focus on things like money, routines, and daily habits.
While those things are obviously important and necessary for couples to consider and talk about, without the added elements of intimacy and romantic love, you’re more like business partners than anything else.
8. He leans on routine
Spontaneity is a strong ingredient in healthy marriages and relationships, so it’s not surprising that when a husband feels alone and disconnected, he’s strictly following a routine.
He stops planning last-minute dates, appreciating spontaneous intimate moments, and puts more focus than ever on his own personal routine.
9. He overuses the TV
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Whether it’s avoiding conversations at night by keeping the TV on its highest volume or leaning into mindless entertainment when he’s feeling especially disconnected from his partner, if a husband feels deeply alone, he’ll start doing these things around the house.
For many people, the TV and this kind of background noise are a means for coping with loneliness as they get older, but if it's simply a coping mechanism for a disconnected, toxic marriage, the result can be much less productive.
10. He talks or scrolls on the phone constantly
The link between harmful screen time, phone use, and marital dissatisfaction is more prevalent today than ever. Not only does spending more time on your phone worsen mental health and general well-being, but it also strains relationships, pushes partners away from one another, and increases their need for distraction.
So, even if it feels like a coping mechanism for dealing with his own resentment or disconnection, if a husband feels deeply alone, he’ll start talking on the phone or scrolling through social media constantly when he’s at home.
11. He waits to be needed
Instead of reaching out to his partner, planning check-ins together, or making space to support her, a husband who feels deeply alone and disconnected in his marriage will instead wait to be needed at home.
Even if that means isolating himself to a room in the house or refusing to speak to his partner when things get heated, he’s always finding new ways to distract, misguidedly cope, and grapple with his own inner turmoil.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
