Wives Who Feel Unappreciated By Their Husbands Often Start Doing These 11 Subtle Things
Feeling unappreciated by your husband takes an emotional toll.
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock When husbands make their wives feel unappreciated, it often causes a buildup of negative emotions within their wives. A wife will experience an emotional toll from constantly feeling as though her feelings are invalidated and she is not heard or understood.
This emotional toll will show itself through the things a wife starts to do. She may become more protective of her emotions and decide that holding her feelings back from her husband while seeking reassurance and validation from others is the best way to regain her sense of self. A marriage where one partner feels unappreciated can be tough to maintain and may lead to significant resentment.
Wives who feel unappreciated by their husbands often start doing these 11 subtle things
1. Emotionally withdrawing
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When a wife feels as though her husband does not appreciate her, she may start to emotionally withdraw from him. The emotional detachment is usually a defense mechanism she will use to protect herself from the hurt of not feeling heard or valued.
“When a wife feels unheard, unappreciated, and emotionally neglected for an extended period, she begins to withdraw. Many women spend years trying to communicate their unmet needs and make the relationship healthy, but when their efforts are ignored or dismissed, they start to emotionally detach,” according to the law office of Katy M. Lovett, a law firm that handles cases regarding family law.
A wife wants to be heard, so if her husband refuses to listen and understand her, she will feel that it is pointless to express herself to him.
2. Becoming passive-aggressive
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If a wife feels like her husband underappreciates her, she may become passive-aggressive. This kind of behavior is likely due to her built-up frustration that has developed from not being able to openly express her feelings to her husband without feeling misunderstood.
By indirectly expressing her frustration and anger, she is attempting to let her husband know she feels like he does not value her without having to go into detail and potentially start a confrontation.
“A passive-aggressive person, while struggling to address a particular situation directly, may express that they frequently feel wronged, underappreciated, and undervalued. When pushed for examples, they will likely turn to other tactics so as not to get into direct confrontation about a particular incident,” explains Sarah Epstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
3. Stopping open communication
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The longer a wife feels unappreciated by her husband, the more resentment and emotional detachment start to fill the relationship. This will likely lead her to stop open communication.
If every time she has attempted to communicate her needs and feelings to her husband openly, he overlooks them or reacts negatively, she will start to feel like communicating in this way with him is pointless. She may even start feeling neglected by him, which also contributes to her no longer wanting to speak with him.
Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, a licensed clinical social worker, mentions that, “Feeling unappreciated can lead to feelings of neglect. If a woman feels that her efforts, contributions, and sacrifices are not acknowledged or valued by her partner, it can contribute to a sense of neglect.”
4. Seeking external validation
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If a husband is making his wife feel unappreciated, his wife will likely start seeking external validation from others. Feeling unappreciated may cause her to develop low self-esteem, and to feel worthy and secure again, she may feel that her only option is to seek this from others.
A wife would typically seek this validation from her husband, but if he always fails to contribute positively to her sense of worth, she will find other ways to try and feel better about herself. Getting the approval of others may make her feel reassured in herself and make her feel more valued than she currently feels.
5. Starting arguments over minor issues
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If a wife feels unappreciated by her husband, she may start arguing with her husband over minor issues. These arguments will typically be the result of built-up frustration due to her unmet emotional needs.
“Most arguments aren’t really about the dishes in the sink or who forgot to pay a bill. They’re about deeper needs that aren’t being met. When someone feels unseen, unheard, or undervalued in their relationship, even minor issues become opportunities to express that pain and unhappiness,” according to The Gottman Institute.
Arguments about minor issues will become her new way of trying to express how she is feeling without directly expressing these emotions.
6. Focusing on other relationships
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When a wife never feels appreciated by her husband, she will want to seek out emotional connections and a sense of being valued elsewhere. This likely means she will put more focus on her other relationships.
Regardless of whether her husband is meeting her emotional needs or not, she still requires these needs to be met. The other relationships in her life may be able to make her feel more appreciated and heard, so she will lean on these relationships for the support she needs.
7. Focusing on her own interests
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A wife who does not feel appreciated by her husband will likely start putting the majority of her focus into her own interests. This may be her way of coping with the negative emotions that result from feeling overlooked by her husband.
She may be dealing with feelings of loneliness and a low sense of self-worth, which makes her want to find a way to rebuild her self-confidence. Focusing on her own interests may be her way of prioritizing self-care.
“Self-care is crucial when navigating the emotional complexity of feeling underappreciated. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it’s solo exercise, creative hobbies, or spending quality time with friends,” according to Cerebral Institute, an online mental health service that provides therapy to individuals and couples.
8. Questioning the relationship
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When a wife no longer feels appreciated by her husband, she may begin to question the relationship. She may doubt whether or not her husband actually cares about her, and she may be uncertain about whether or not the marriage is making her feel fulfilled.
“Feeling unappreciated can leave a person questioning their own value. In relationships, it can leave people wondering if their partner actually cares. It can undermine self-esteem and contribute to conflict,” explains Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker.
When a wife starts to feel these things, she may begin to notice that the relationship is taking away from her sense of self more than it is adding to it.
9. Emotional outbursts
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Many negative emotions start to build up over time if a wife constantly feels unappreciated by her husband. Occasionally, this can cause her to have emotional outbursts.
When the feelings start to be too much, she may feel as though they are too much to contain. She might get emotional over things completely unrelated to feeling unappreciated, but the deeper reason behind this emotional reaction is the built-up frustration of not having her needs met and the feelings of not being supported.
10. Seeking advice from others
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A wife who feels unappreciated by her husband will typically start to seek advice from others. She likely feels unheard and disconnected from her husband, and to find validation for her feelings, she may have to seek it from others instead.
She may also feel afraid to talk to her husband about her emotions because he never responds to them with understanding and care. This may cause her to emotionally detach from her husband and instead emotionally attach to others.
“Emotional detachment does not just happen out of the blue; there is always something behind it. If one or both of the spouses has an inability or fear of talking through the issues in their relationship, then this kind of disconnect will be the likely result,” mentions Dr. Dave Currie, an experienced counselor, and Glen Hoos, author of “Toxic History: The Story of the Airborne Toxic Event.”
11. Holding onto resentment
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When a wife feels constantly unappreciated by her husband, she may begin to hold onto resentment. After so much time of not feeling like her emotions are being validated and her needs are being met, she may get to the point of feeling disappointed by her marriage and a loss of connection with her husband.
This will lead to her feeling neglected, and she may experience anger and frustration that she needs to let out. While not all wives will react in these ways if they feel unappreciated by their husbands, the negative impact his neglect has on her will likely cause some kind of behavior changes within the marriage.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
