If Your Husband Says These 11 Phrases, He's Probably Bored In Your Marriage
Mahir KART / Shutterstock There are several phrases your husband may commonly say if he is beginning to feel bored within your marriage. Sometimes, instead of coming right out and blatantly telling you how he actually feels, he may say these things to express his dissatisfaction without potentially causing a conflict.
Although he may be doing this to avoid hurting your feelings or making things worse, without open communication and a sense of comfort in telling one another exactly how you each feel, the marriage is at risk of becoming very unhealthy. If these issues of this kind are left unresolved, your marriage may have a difficult time surviving these struggles.
If your husband says these 11 phrases, he's probably bored in your marriage
1. 'I miss how things used to be'
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The novelty in a marriage will disappear if the couple is not intentional about keeping the spark alive. A loss of excitement in a marriage can occasionally cause one or both partners to feel bored and miss the way things used to be. If your husband expresses his desire for the past connection the two of you shared, he may be feeling bored.
“Boredom can indeed arise in relationships as partners become increasingly comfortable with one another. However, it is crucial to address this boredom and establish healthy boundaries within your relationship. Setting boundaries helps create a sense of balance, respect, and individuality, allowing both partners to maintain their identities while fostering a stronger connection,” explains Amanda Levison, a licensed mental health counselor and licensed professional counselor.
2. 'I don't want to talk about it'
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Sometimes, if your husband feels bored in the marriage, it may be hard to talk through this struggle. If he commonly says he does not want to talk about it, he may be emotionally distancing himself out of exhaustion and fearing conflict.
He may be concerned with hurting your feelings and does not want to make the issue worse than he already feels it is. However, prioritizing open communication when things like this arise in your marriage is one of the only ways to effectively work through it.
In order to encourage communication, you should approach your husband and the topic in a gentle and understanding manner. Being aware of your body language and being sure not to use harsh language will be crucial when trying to get him to open up, according to The Couples Center, a team of professionals who provide in-person and online counseling for couples.
3. 'You don't understand'
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Shutting down and emotionally withdrawing from you may be a sign that your husband is growing bored with the marriage. You may notice a breakdown in communication as he commonly tells you that you just don’t understand him and the way he is feeling.
A husband who feels bored in the marriage will start viewing communication and expressing his feelings as more of a chore than a privilege. Even when you are aiming to be understanding, his loss of interest in the relationship may still influence him to be distant and disengaged emotionally.
4. 'I'll be home late'
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If your husband tells you he will be home late and it seems like he wants to spend more time away from you than with you, he may be feeling bored in the marriage. Being out later may be his way of seeking excitement and purpose elsewhere because he feels as though the connection between the two of you is no longer as thrilling as it once was.
If he is seeking isolation and distance, he may be struggling with feeling disconnected from you. Regardless of why he is spending more time away from you, to improve the situation for both of you, it should be addressed through open communication. Aiming to figure out a way to add excitement back into the relationship and reconnect will help mend the marriage.
5. 'We're just different now'
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Daily routines and too much comfort can often diminish excitement within a marriage. Without intentionality, it may start to feel like each partner is growing apart and is becoming too different from who they once were when the relationship began.
If your husband expresses his boredom with the relationship by telling you that the two of you are just different now, it may be his way of trying to tell you he is desiring more excitement in the relationship, similar to what it was like when your marriage began. It is best to confront this issue in your marriage head-on if you want to see positive change because, as Teri K. Reisser, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains, “If perpetual disagreements or unresolvable marriage conflicts are not handled well, they can turn into marriage-killing deadlocks that resurface regularly, causing more emotional distancing with each return.”
6. 'You never listen to me'
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If your husband feels bored in the marriage, he may feel like you never listen to him. Really, he is likely feeling frustrated by the obvious disconnect between the two of you and wants to express his longing for a deeper connection, but may not know exactly how to do so. If his happiness depends on him feeling heard and understood by you, it would make sense that he feels bored or dissatisfied within the marriage when he feels like you don’t listen or he can’t express himself to you.
Author of “The Dance” and “Why Won’t You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts,” Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., mentions that, “It's normal for couples to move in and out of boredom (or conflict, for that matter) at any point in a marriage, especially if they are looking to their partner to fill up their empty bucket or to be responsible for their happiness.”
7. 'I need some space'
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If your husband feels bored in your marriage, he may start telling you that he needs some space. He may feel emotionally overwhelmed and feel a need for reflection and independence. He may want to invest his time in activities that bring him excitement and positively impact his overall well-being.
Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., a psychologist and author, explains that, “Sometimes, individuals feel the need to focus on themselves, their personal goals, or their own emotional well-being. This can involve taking time to reflect, explore individual interests, or pursue personal development without the constant presence or influence of a partner.”
This can actually have a very positive impact on the marriage, because it ensures that neither partner will rely solely on the other to provide their happiness.
8. 'Just do whatever you want'
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When your husband commonly tells you to just do whatever you want, he may feel bored with the marriage and frustrated. This dissatisfaction may negatively impact communication between the two of you and your shared decision-making.
Instead of talking about the real issue at hand, avoiding the conversation and conflict will likely lead to your husband feeling resentful and stressed. He will continue feeling as though his needs are not being met, and this will slowly but surely drive a wedge between the two of you if it goes unaddressed.
9. 'I'm too busy'
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By constantly saying he is too busy, your husband may be trying to express his feelings of boredom within the marriage. He may be emotionally distancing himself and trying to stay busy so he can avoid having a difficult conversation with you.
However, if he continues to avoid discussing his feelings, not only will this negatively impact the marriage, but it will also take a toll on his mental health. Try creating a safe environment where he feels comfortable expressing himself in order to combat the potential negative effects of keeping everything bottled up.
10. 'You're overthinking this'
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If you have expressed concerns to your husband about him potentially feeling bored or dissatisfied, but he always brushes them off and says you are overthinking, he may be trying to avoid discussing his feelings with you. He might actually be bored in the marriage, but fears conflict with you or wants to avoid making you upset.
This will likely leave you feeling invalidated and unheard, while it will leave him feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions and potentially resentment. Finding ways to encourage open communication is crucial if you want both you and your husband to feel happy and fulfilled within the relationship.
11. 'I’m doing my best'
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While your husband may feel bored in your marriage, he may not view this as an issue that has been fully caused by you. If he says that he is doing his best, he is acknowledging that obtaining a successful and satisfying relationship is a team effort.
However, he may feel defeated if he thinks he is putting in more effort and wants to see the marriage succeed more than it seems like you do. He wants to feel appreciated and wants working toward getting the relationship’s spark back to be a joint effort. While some men may say these things and feel completely content within their marriage, if your husband says these and there are other reasons why he has seemed disengaged from the marriage, it may mean that he is bored.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
