Husbands Who Say Any Of These 11 Things To Their Wives Almost Always Regret It
Lopolo | Shutterstock Arguments are to be expected in any relationship, but the way a couple handles that conflict can either improve their connection or totally destroy it. In the heat of the moment, one or both partners may say things they don't mean, only to regret them later. Whether it's passing blame or telling them to relax, husbands who say any of these things to their wives almost always regret it, especially once they realize what a lasting impact their words can have.
When husbands aren't supportive or uplifting, it can have negative consequences. Because receiving emotional and social support is linked to greater health, wives of husbands who put them down may begin to suffer. So, in order to avoid an awkward predicament like this, husbands should be aware of how they speak to their wives.
Husbands who say any of these 11 things to their wives almost always regret it
1. 'You're overreacting'
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When a husband tells his wife she's overreacting, he's showing how little he cares about her feelings. And he may end up regretting it, as he likely said it out of anger. But that's not an excuse for intentionally hurting your partner's feelings.
A spouse won't erupt in anger for no reason; rather, it's more likely they react negatively based on the consistent actions a partner takes or doesn't take. For example, maybe a husband didn't wash the dishes; while it might not seem like a big deal, constantly not cleaning up after himself is.
Research from the Journal of Family Psychology found that coming home to do housework can lead to physical exhaustion and, over time, that leaves a couple with one very exhausted wife. Failure to recover after work leads to high cortisol levels at night as well.
2. 'Stop nagging me so much'
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Whether it's "stop nagging me so much" or "get off my back," husbands who say any of these things to their wives almost always regret it. While a husband may think a wife nags when she asks for something too many times, it's only because she has a high-need structure where she feels anxious when things aren't in order, feels unsupported, or cares so much she just wants to make things better.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers, nagging can be either a mood problem or a high-need structure problem. Nagging can unfortunately cause a decrease in relationship satisfaction, leading to issues in a relationship that are hard to overcome. So, it's best for husbands to avoid telling their wives they hate their nagging and offer the emotional support a good husband provides instead.
3. 'You should put more effort into your appearance'
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A good husband will never put his wife down for how she looks. Even if she's not feeling her best and is wearing clothes that don't flatter her, he will still tell her she's beautiful. Unfortunately, when a wife is exhausted, it's demeaning for her husband to tell her to "put more effort into her appearance." It diminishes all the other facets of what makes her a person.
According to a 2021 study, women are more likely than men to report burnout from overworking. So, a wife hearing that her efforts aren't good enough and that her husband finds her undesirable damage her self-esteem.
Husbands must make sure to never comment on the appearance of their wife, unless it's something she can fix quickly, like smudged lipstick or a damaged piece of clothing. If a husband is genuinely concerned about their wife, they can give her time to take care of herself, or offer to take over some of her responsibilities.
4. 'I don't have time for this right now'
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Human beings are social creatures that need a connection to thrive. A wife feeling rejected hurts immensely, as husbands are denying them the basic need to feel heard. When a husband says something like "I don't have time for this right now," they are dismissing their wife's needs.
Rejection like this lowers self-esteem, especially when people perceive themselves as invaluable to someone. This creates feelings of hurt that can have devastating consequences. To avoid this, husbands should listen and pay attention to what they say to their spouse. Feeling misunderstood leads to more stress and less life satisfaction, after all.
5. 'Why are you still holding it against me?'
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A wife doesn't hold things against her husband just because; rather, she may do so because she's still not over it or they, as a couple, haven't worked through a specific conflict. A betrayal of trust is hard to overcome since it damages a spouse's self-esteem and, eventually, the marriage.
As a study published in Behaviour Research and Therapy pointed out, betrayal leads to shock, loss, grief, anger, and low self-esteem. A wife might lash out or keep bringing up past conflicts as a way to express her feelings or cope.
Couples should address a betrayal as soon as possible to avoid build-up or further damage. Couples who actively ignore the betrayal because it's painful have an even harder time repairing trust in the relationship, leading to a decrease in relationship satisfaction.
6. 'You're being so dramatic'
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Whether it's phrases like "it's not that serious" or "you're being so dramatic," husbands who say any of these things to their wives almost always regret it, as the consequences of these words hold immense power. When a husband says this, they're unintentionally encouraging their wives to distance themselves.
If a wife is willing to share her deepest feelings and is met with rejection instead of acceptance, it can cause her to self-isolate. According to a study published in Current Opinion in Psychology, self-isolation leads to a decrease in relationship satisfaction. More than that, feeling misunderstood in a marriage can lead to high-stress levels, lower motivation, and unhealthy cortisol levels.
Rather than regretting saying something, husbands should think before they speak. They should never say things that make them come off as uncaring or unsupportive. If their wife is opening up and willing to be vulnerable, husbands should take the time to listen without judgment.
7. 'You need to relax'
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When husbands tell their stressed wives to "relax," it makes things ten times worse. Nobody in the history of being told to "calm down" or "relax" has ever done so, especially when tensions are already so high.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, the issue with telling someone to "calm down" or "relax" is that it makes them seem like their reactions are the problem, putting them on defense mode. Uttering this phrase can invalidate a wife's feelings and cause an already tense situation to escalate.
Bonior recommends saying alternative phrases such as "I understand that this is upsetting you," "What can I do to help us move through this?" or, "Let's pause for a moment to slow things down."
Husbands may use this phrase with good intentions, but they unknowingly demean their wife, sending the message that their problems aren't such a huge deal. Instead, husbands should hear their wives out and let them voice any concerns they have.
8. 'You're too sensitive'
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Someone opening up and choosing to confide in others is a difficult thing to do, as people often view vulnerability as a sign of weakness. But when husbands dismiss their wives' emotions and chalk it up to them being "too sensitive," they're ignoring the courage and vulnerability it took to express those feelings in the first place.
According to a study from Anxiety, Stress, & Coping, when someone perceives their emotions as unacceptable or wrong, they experience the world differently. Their daily emotions are less positive and their stress levels are higher when they experience unpleasant emotions.
Whether it's "stop taking things so personally" or an outright "you're too sensitive," husbands who say any of these things to their wives almost always regret it. It's exceptionally damaging, so husbands should be more open-minded to understanding her emotions.
9. 'You're acting crazy'
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Husbands who tell their wives they're "acting crazy" clearly don't understand the dismissive and gaslighting nature of their comments. Dismissing someone's emotions and making them question their reality is the very definition of gaslighting.
According to a study published in Personal Relationships, gaslighting impacts people's sense of self, defensiveness, and trust. When a husband says this phrase to their wife, they unknowingly encourage her to close herself off completely, as she can't trust her partner for fear of being seen as fanatical or insignificant.
Husbands shouldn't boil down their wives' concerns this way, especially since she has valid problems she wants to work through together, which strengthens a marriage. Unfortunately, husbands will regret telling their wives they think they are "crazy," especially if her response is cold and completely justified.
10. 'That's not my problem to fix'
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A husband saying "that's not my problem to fix" to his wife is cold and uncaring. In a healthy partnership, partners want to work through problems together. But when husbands say a phrase like this, they're dismissing their wives' fears or stressors, cutting off the ability for both spouses to bond and connect.
It's just another example of toxic phrases nobody should ever say to their partner. The damage they can cause with just a few words has a lasting impact. It not only shows that they're selfish husbands, but they don't see the importance of teamwork in a marriage.
11. 'It's your fault, not mine'
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When a husband blames his wife for every mistake she makes, even if her actions didn't cause it, this can lead to resentment. Whether it's because he's harboring negative feelings towards his wife or is actually just very insecure, there's no excuse for this kind of language in a marriage.
As a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found, people often use harmful and hurtful words when they want to pass blame, because they're fearful, or are venting their anger. But using cruel words like this, especially during an argument, can only make things worse.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
