If A Couple's Chemistry Is Completely Gone, You'll Hear Them Say These 11 Awkward Phrases
They're clearly struggling to reconnect.
F8 studio | Shutterstock The "chemistry" a couple feels when they're falling in love isn't just an emotional experience, it's literally a physical one — with chemicals and hormones like dopamine and oxytocin bonding partners together in unique ways in the face of affection, communication, and quality time. While a relationship often needs more than this physical affection and "spark" to thrive, without them, trust, intimacy, and feelings of love can fade fast.
Even in passing conversations before work and lying together in bed at the end of the day, subtle language and phrases can be a sign of that lost love. From "it's fine" to "I don't want to fight right now," if a couple's chemistry is completely gone, you'll hear them say these awkward phrases often. No longer is their connection characterized by love and chemistry, but instead by logistics and resentment.
If a couple's chemistry is completely gone, you'll hear them say these 11 awkward phrases
1. 'It's fine'
Couples who are secure enough in their relationship to lean into mindfulness and healthily resolve conflict often boast a closer, more intimate connection than those who constantly avoid confrontations. Like a study from Current Issues in Personality Psychology explains, observing, acknowledging, and sitting mindfully in discomfort with a partner are all foundations of intimacy that boost chemistry and romantic love.
However, if a couple's chemistry is completely gone, you'll often hear them saying awkward phrases like "it's fine" instead of leaning into this mindful conflict resolution. They suppress their own internal concerns and avoid their uncomfortable emotions — not just at the expense of their mental health, but also their relationship's well-being.
2. 'I'll be home late'
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According to a study from Contemporary Family Therapy, couples who spend more quality time together talking associate more positive qualities with their partner, boast better relationship satisfaction, and even experience greater closeness and romantic love. They build chemistry in every passing moment, even if it's simply quality time on the couch together after work.
However, if partners are growing disconnected and suffering from resentment, their chemistry isn't the only thing that's deteriorating — the prevalence of quality time is also at risk. They often use awkward phrases like "I'm going to bed early" or "I'll be home late" as excuses for avoiding this time, at the expense of their relationship's health.
3. 'Did you do the dishes?'
A couple who's experiencing disconnection and a loss of chemistry often loses the spark of intimacy, even amid the mundanity of everyday life. They stop carving out small moments for quality connection, refuse to resolve conflicts in the moment, and even focus their conversations solely on logistics to keep their household "up and running."
"Did you do the dishes?" and "Can you pick up the kids?" are questions that almost entirely sum up the conversations these partners are having at home. They're not checking in on emotions or expressing intimate feelings, but acting more like roommates than lovers.
4. 'Whatever you want'
If a couple's chemistry is completely gone, they don't just stop caring about intimacy and physical affection with one another — they also stop putting in the effort to understand each other on an emotional level. They stop communicating, they stop asking questions, and even small phrases like "whatever you want" replace more thoughtful questions like "What would you like?"
Unfortunately, according to a study from Personal Relationships, people who reach a certain level of disengagement in their relationships often hit a point of "no return." They care so little about what's happening in their partner's world that staying in a relationship with them and rekindling the spark feels impossible.
5. 'What's your schedule for this weekend?'
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Couples who have lost the intimacy and spark of living life on "the same team" often ask questions like "What's your schedule for this weekend?" They don't make decisions together or plan out the future on the same team, but instead focus on their own needs and priorities without acknowledging the other.
Like a study from the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy suggests, it's these kinds of couples who overlook thoughtful decision-making moments together that end up more disconnected and unhappy in the end.
Even if it seems simple and harmless, a question like this is often representative of lost romantic love and chemistry. Clearly, they're on separate pages, making plans by themselves and not even taking the time to communicate with each other. They're acting more like roommates, or even superficial friends, than they are romantic partners.
6. 'Sorry, I forgot'
Even though "commitment" and "loyalty" are often big, powerful terms with a million little nuances that characterize their involvement in a relationship, even small things, like showing up late consistently or breaking a little promise, can undermine them completely.
Little things, like sharing a thoughtful question or emotion with a partner, can act as "investments" into commitment, but the small actions above can just as easily break away at trust and connection. So, if a partner is constantly saying awkward phrases like "sorry, I forgot" to justify disrespecting their partner's time, chances are they've already lost their chemistry completely.
7. 'Don't worry about it'
Self-esteem and personal compassion all play an important role in secure relationships, but small acts of kindness and compassionate language toward a partner can also be just as beneficial for many couples, at least according to a study from the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science.
However, when a couple stops taking small moments to check in or communicate compassionately with one another — replacing things like "Can we talk about this?" with "don't worry about it" — chances are they're sabotaging that connection on a fundamental level.
8. 'What's that supposed to mean?'
When couples don't have the cushion of solid trust, emotional intimacy, or connectedness to help resolve conflicts and misunderstandings in the moment, they often argue about small things before they address the "elephants" in their relationship.
For example, a small passive-aggressive comment or a change in tone may spark a bigger, emotional brawl between couples lacking chemistry, while a perfectly secure couple finds a way to address it in a few words. If a couple's chemistry is completely gone, they're never on the same page, always reading into things, and finding a way to misunderstand each other, even in the most casual, awkward environments.
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9. 'We should probably show up together'
A couple who lack chemistry and a "spark" in their relationship will often think about logistics and other people before they consider themselves.
For example, they're always saying things like "we should probably show up together" when they're invited to a party, because they're more concerned with what other people think and the logistics of getting there than excitement about getting to spend time together. Their "quality" time is almost always threaded together by the pressure of obligations, not necessarily choice or romantic love.
10. 'There's always an excuse'
According to psychology professor Jason Whiting, to have a stronger relationship, you have to cool it with the excuses. Even if it seems like the perfect way to smooth over a conflict or even protect your ego, when you make an excuse in the face of a partner's hurt, you only sabotage trust and weaken the entire relationship.
Of course, if a couple's chemistry is completely gone, and they're not necessarily worried about anything other than their own comfort navigating everyday life, excuses are second nature. They don't necessarily care about making space for their partner's emotions in the face of hurt or disappointment, because they're more worried about protecting their own comfort.
11. 'I don't want to fight right now'
Avoiding conflict isn't just a sign of lost romantic love — it's also a sign of a partner who doesn't feel safe or secure addressing issues or speaking vulnerably about their own emotions in a relationship. Avoidance is a defense mechanism, and for couples whose chemistry is completely gone, conflict and vulnerable conversation are some of the only things they actively withdraw from to protect themselves.
Unfortunately, it's conflict resolution and open, honest conversation that truly protect personal well-being and relationship health. So, the more often a partner says something like "I don't want to fight right now," the more likely they are to feel disconnected and resentful in the end.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
