Wives Who Treat Their Husbands Like Roommates Usually Say These 11 Specific Things
Overcoming a roommate phase in a marriage can be hard, but it's not impossible.
Srdjan Randjelovic / Shutterstock Sometimes wives will start to treat their husbands like roommates if the marriage has entered a roommate phase. The roommate phase often occurs well after the honeymoon phase has passed. Once a couple has lived together for a while, they may get so comfortable that they neglect to keep the romance alive.
Wives who have reached this stage and treat their husbands like roommates usually say specific things that show the emotional disconnect they are feeling between themselves and their husbands. Deep down, a woman may be feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to communicate the way she feels with her husband, and her comments may be her passive way of communicating these things to him.
Wives who treat their husbands like roommates usually say these 11 specific things
1. 'We'll talk about it later'
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When wives start to treat their husbands like roommates, they usually say that they will talk about things later with them, especially when those things involve emotions or a potential conflict. This can be a sign that the wife is beginning to view the relationship in more of a platonic way.
The emotional intimacy that once existed within the marriage starts to disappear during the roommate phase, and it leads to a lack of deep and meaningful conversations between the two partners. This phase occurs when the couple gets too comfortable in their shared space and no longer feels emotionally and physically intrigued by their partner.
2. 'Do whatever you want'
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If a wife begins treating her husband like a roommate, she may start telling him to do whatever he wants and that she does not care about what he does. There is usually something deeper going on within the relationship if she starts saying something like this.
If she feels emotionally disengaged from her partner and unheard, she may grow resentment for him and use this as a defense mechanism to pretend she doesn't care about what he does. Being closed off from discussing these feelings with one another in a relationship can be the effect of entering the roommate phase of a relationship, according to Tasha Seiter, MS, PhD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
3. 'I'm too tired tonight'
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If a wife starts to treat and view her husband more like a roommate, she may tell him she is too tired when there is potential for emotional intimacy or a difficult conversation to occur. This will become her way of declining an emotional connection with her partner.
It is common for partners who feel more like roommates to reach a point in their relationship where they start feeling more like friends, and the excitement that they originally felt from deepening their emotional bond starts to decrease more and more. They may no longer feel motivated to put in the time and effort to strengthen their bond.
4. 'I don't need your help, I can handle it myself'
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When a wife starts telling her husband that she no longer needs his help and she can handle things on her own, it may be a sign that she is treating him like a roommate instead of a romantic partner. This could be due to several reasons.
She may be feeling the negative impacts of the roommate phase, and it could be causing her to resent the relationship that she has with her husband. It may be making her feel emotionally overwhelmed, but since the connection with her partner is suffering, she fears being vulnerable with her husband and is unsure of how to explain to him how she is feeling.
5. 'You can go to bed. I'll stay up and watch TV'
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A wife who treats her husband like a roommate may tell him that he can go to bed but she is going to stay up and watch TV instead of heading to bed with him. This shows the emotional and physical disconnect that the couple is experiencing within their marriage.
While she is not directly communicating her unhappiness and withdrawal, by wanting more time alone and aiming to avoid more intimate settings with her husband, she is showing signs of the way she truly feels. In order to heal these negative feelings she has toward the relationship, she has to realize she needs the support of her husband.
“The truth is, you can’t meet your own needs for social support and love; these are natural human needs that can only be met by others,” explains Seiter.
6. 'I need some space'
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Feeling more like roommates when two people are married can cause them to experience a lack of connection. If a wife starts feeling this way with her husband, she may treat him like a roommate and tell him she needs some space.
During this phase in their relationship, they mutually emotionally distance themselves from one another and become hyper-fixated on their own independence. This lack of connection may drive her toward wanting to find her sense of self and experience personal growth, so she may want to spend more time alone.
7. 'I'm too busy'
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The emotional disconnection and overwhelming feelings that arise when a couple is going through a phase of feeling and treating each other like roommates may cause a wife to tell her husband that she is too busy to do certain things with him. She may feel overwhelmed by her feelings, and instead of opening up about them, she would rather avoid them.
If a couple wishes to overcome roommate syndrome within their marriage, they have to start prioritizing doing things together that ignite their romantic spark.
“If you let it, life will always get in the way. There will always be something with work, kids, friends, or extended family that can take up your time together. You must be intentional about making time for each other,” according to The Marriage and Family Clinic, a service that offers couples and families counseling.
8. 'I'll be in my room if you need me'
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When a wife begins treating her husband like a roommate, she may tell him that she will be in her room if he needs anything. Not only is this showing that she needs distance, but also that she wants to avoid the connection that she has with her husband as well.
These are two common things that usually occur when a couple experiences the roommate phase of their marriage. If a couple wants to effectively make it through the roommate phase while trying to maintain the health of their marriage, they may want to consider couples counseling. Romantic partners should be experiencing some kind of intimacy, so if both partners are being treated like roommates, something is off.
9. 'Here's a list of chores I completed today'
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A wife who has begun treating her husband like a roommate may let him know about a list of chores that she completed. This may be her way of showing resentment and frustration.
If she feels like she is carrying all of the workload, this may be her way of passively bringing her feelings to her husband's attention. If she feels a need to keep score of all the chores she completes, it may be because of a deeper emotional disconnection going on in the relationship.
10. 'I'm going to be out late tonight, so you'll have to feed yourself'
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If a wife treats her husband like a roommate, she may tell him that she's going to be out late and he will have to feed himself. While letting him know that she won’t be home until later and therefore will not be able to cook is not an issue, it is the tone and manner in which she says this statement that indicates the current disconnect in the relationship.
The way she says this statement is in a transactional manner that comes across as emotionally detached. In a healthy marriage, each partner usually shows the other respect and consideration, but a comment like this lacks those things and reflects something that would be said to someone she is not in a romantic relationship with.
11. 'You need to clean up your mess in the living room'
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A wife who treats her husband like a roommate may tell him to clean up his mess in the living room. While there is nothing unusual or wrong about a wife telling her husband to pull his weight in cleaning up his messes throughout their shared space, there are more respectful ways to speak to a significant other.
While she may be frustrated that he has not helped keep this space clean, she should still ask her husband in a way that is conducive to making each partner feel heard. If she starts speaking to him in a way that feels like she no longer respects her husband as a partner, their communication may become more distant.
Although not all wives say these things to their husbands when they treat them like a roommate, these are common statements that align with how both partners usually feel when they are going through the roommate phase of their marriage.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
