If A Couple Has Lost The Sense Of Joy In Their Relationship, They'll Typically Display These 7 Habits
When joy fades in a relationship, it doesn't disappear all at once.
Dean Drobot | Canva Every relationship experiences natural ebbs and flows, and even the strongest partnerships can find themselves in seasons where that initial spark feels dimmed. The good news? Recognizing when joy has quietly slipped away is the first step toward bringing it back.
Divorce lawyer Bruce Provda and marriage and family therapist Olga Bloch share signs that a couple has stopped feeling joy in their relationship.
If a couple has lost the sense of joy in their relationship, they'll typically display these 7 habits:
1. They start dreaming of a single life
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There’s a difference between reminiscing about the single life and “daydreaming about how much better life might be if divorce happened,” Provda said. “Longing for life away from the spouse is a sure sign that marriage therapy is needed before it’s too late,” he added.
If this sounds like you, book an appointment with a couples therapist stat. Couples counseling can help you and your partner navigate the issues brought to light by these dreams. It can help you either resolve the problems or part ways compassionately.
2. They have more bad memories than happy ones
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When clients ask me for advice on their troubled relationship, I often ask, “Do you recall more bad memories than happy memories?” If the answer is yes, you’re in danger.
Provda agrees, stating that, “every marriage has its problems, but if the negative outweighs the positive, the marriage is in trouble.” You shouldn’t look back at your relationship and think, “Shoot! I can’t remember ever being happy!”
Studies have shown that negative events and emotions have a more powerful and lasting impact on the human mind than positive ones. Negativity bias can lead couples to focus on a partner's flaws and the problems in the relationship, overshadowing positive qualities and shared happy moments.
3. They can't resolve conflict
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If you’re a couple that never argues, consider yourself blessed — or suppressed. It’s actually healthy to fight once in a while.
Trouble comes in when “fights are repetitive and both people feel hopeless and that nothing ever changes,” Bloch explained.
“If there is rarely a reparation process, an apology, or a way to reconnect with the other partner, or hurt feelings are not acknowledged or addressed, you might be headed for divorce,” she added.
4. They don't talk to each other
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Your significant other should be the person that you confide in and with whom you share your deepest desires.
Bloch also suggested talking about more than just “the daily business of what is happening in the home, or kids, or responsibilities.” Share your feelings so your love doesn’t die.
A lack of emotional engagement, responsiveness, and accessibility creates distance, which can lead to feelings of isolation, anger, and sadness. A 2023 study explained that this lack of connection can also manifest as a decrease in affection, a lack of interest in doing things together, and a general feeling of being on different pages.
5. They dismiss each other's feelings
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The worst thing you can do is treat your partner like their feelings do not matter. Even if you don’t agree with them, acknowledge their feelings and hear them out.
Emotional invalidation creates a toxic cycle and profoundly impacts the relationship over time. The invalidated partner may begin to withdraw, leading to emotional detachment.
“If you are finding yourself being overly defensive and dismissive of your spouse’s feelings, then you are at high risk for divorce,” Prodva affirmed. “It is the kiss of death for a marriage.”
6. One of them working on their relationship — solo
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It takes two to tango, baby, so why are you the only one on the dance floor? When a marriage is in trouble both you and your partner need to roll up your sleeves and work through your issues.
“If one spouse shuts down altogether and is no longer interested in solving the marriage issues, watch out. Divorce is around the corner,” Provda said.
Research has shown that a one-sided effort can lead to feelings of loneliness, stress, and depression, which are all linked to a lack of enjoyment and joy. When one partner carries the burden of the relationship's maintenance alone, it fosters resentment and signals a decline in the relationship's perceived quality and the overall happiness of the individuals involved.
7. They can't be themselves
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If you can’t be yourself with your partner, why be with him at all? It’s just exhausting to pretend to be someone you’re not.
Bloch explained that it's worse when “you feel like you can't be yourself out of fear of upsetting your partner or starting another fight.” That’s when you change to make the other person happy. Ultimately, you’ll be miserable — and no fairy dust can fix it.
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