If A Wife Is Disappointed With Her Choice Of Husband, She'll Do These 11 Things Pretty Often
Regret quickly transforms into resentment without validation.
Impact Photography | Shutterstock Often prompted by a mismatch between expectations in a relationship and the reality of their experience, couples can often experience disappointment that prompts several other complicated emotions at home, as clinical psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne explains. From being overlooked to disillusionment, and even being isolated from a partner at home, feeling unhappy with the current state of a relationship can be a profoundly upsetting experience.
Even though the manifestations of this kind of disappointment are often subtle and unsuspecting, if a wife is disappointed with her choice of husband, she’ll do these things pretty often. From avoiding quality time to being generally uninterested in his passions, disappointment doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship, but it can make life feel impossible and overly stressful to navigate.
If a wife is disappointed with her choice of husband, she’ll do these 11 things pretty often
1. Invalidate his interests and passions
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Similar to the shared understanding of “we-ness” and a couple identity in a marriage, having personal identities, interests, and alone time in a relationship is incredibly important. Not only does it boost personal self-esteem and life satisfaction, it also offers space for partners to learn about and share the things they love with each other.
However, if a wife is disappointed with her choice of husband, she’ll probably avoid these interactions pretty often. From invalidating his excitement about these things to showing a general disinterest in his passions, she couldn't care less about sharing his personal identity with him at home.
Of course, if a wife is truly disappointed in a relationship or miserable at home, chances are the side effects of her emotional turmoil will be obvious. However, at first, things like this might be subtle — like avoiding time at home or invalidating her husband’s excitement about hobbies in his free time.
2. Avoid physical contact and affection
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According to a Scientific Reports study, regular physical touch and affection can often boost relationship satisfaction and closeness in a marriage. However, if it’s actively being avoided due to emotional disconnection or feels forced by partners, it can quickly do the opposite.
Of course, if a woman is feeling regret about her choice of a husband or even feeling emotionally unsupported, chances are she’s not going to go out of her way to physically connect with him. If anything, she’ll lean into other things, like friendships or work, that offer a quick excuse to avoid quality time at home.
3. Never talk about him with loved ones
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While there are certainly marital issues and qualms that should stay in a relationship, especially with a partner who’s willing to communicate and resolve them, talking with friends and venting healthily with loved ones can also be relieving and comforting for an unhappy partner.
If a wife is disappointed with her choice of husband, she’ll do these things pretty often — relying on her social circle and friends for comfort amid a routine of disillusionment.
4. Fantasize about a different life
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To find a bit of solace from her unhappy feelings and disappointment at home, a wife who feels regret may fantasize about living a different life. Even if there are feelings of guilt involved or she keeps it entirely to herself, the possibility of a dream life or leaving the relationship is always at the back of her mind.
Of course, the good news for everyone involved is that you’re always in control of your future. If you’re unhappy in a relationship, you can leave. Of course, there are nuances to every situation and marriage, but fantasizing about leaving a marriage might be a sign that it’s time to rethink the state of the relationship.
5. Flirt and entertain other people
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Intimacy expert Sarah Hunter Murray argues that flirting in a marriage can still be the exciting, bonding, and energizing experience that it is for people in the dating world. However, if flirting is used to weaponize resentment outside of the marriage or even to seek validation from people who aren’t their partners, it could be a sign of blatant disconnection and mistrust.
From posting for attention online to going out and entertaining potential partners, if a woman is flirting with other people, it could be one of the side effects of her disappointment with her current husband.
6. Avoid talking about the future
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In conversations with her husband or even when talking to loved ones, a woman who regrets her choice of husband may actively avoid talking about the future. Not only is it ridden with anxious thoughts and fear, but it’s a reminder of the commitment she made and the regret she’s still shouldering.
However, leaving a relationship isn’t off the table, even if it feels entirely scary and overwhelming. It might change your life, but if you’re already unhappy in a marriage, what’s the point in staying, other than to avoid being alone or disrupting a routine? For most people, a lack of commitment and this avoidant behavior is their reason for divorce, and often, they find peace and personal identity on the other side of a breakup.
7. Invest more time in her appearance outside of the house
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Many people seek validation and attention from others to cope with their own internal insecurities and struggling self-esteem. Even though marriages can sometimes boost a person’s self-concept and confidence, according to a study from the Journal of Family Psychology, if they’re not being met with intention, effort, and commitment, the opposite can also be true.
When a wife is disappointed in her choice of husband and feeling worse about her current relationship, she may start looking to others for the attention she’s missing, even if it’s entirely subconscious.
From going out with friends more often to putting a lot of effort into her appearance outside of the house, and even actively connecting with potential partners, this kind of subtle infidelity is more common than most of us would like to admit.
8. Compare him to who he used to be
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Even though many wives are prone to comparing their partners and themselves to people they see on social media, comparison can take on another meaning for people who are experiencing regret in a marriage. For example, if a woman used to feel valued, loved, and connected to her partner early on in a relationship, chances are she now compares him to that past version of himself — even if he’s still the same person.
She’s always saying things like “I miss how we used to be” or venting to her friends about how much things have changed. The good news? It’s always possible to reconnect with a partner, or, more seriously, decide to leave the relationship behind and start over with someone who truly cares about showing up and putting effort in.
9. Control his life and decisions
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According to clinical psychologist Hal Shorey, controlling behaviors in a relationship often stem from insecurity, fears, or a lack of security, all of which women facing regret deal with daily.
Whether it’s controlling her husband’s daily schedule, being overly controlling with his expression of emotions, or nitpicking the ways he acts around others, all of these behaviors are rooted in her own insecurities and fear.
Not only does this drive partners farther apart, but it also sabotages the health of communication that truly adds value and love to a couple’s life.
10. Make fun of his quirks
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Partners tend to boast better relationship satisfaction and happiness when they weave intentional humor and silliness into their marriages, according to a study from Current Psychology. However, when it goes a step too far and leverages harmful sarcasm or intentional maliciousness, it can quickly cause turmoil, resentment, and disconnection.
Women who are disappointed in their husbands or their choice of a partner don’t appreciate their authenticity — the things that truly make them who they are. Instead, they probably actively despise them, which is why name-calling and behaviors that make fun of their husbands’ quirks often hit hard and deeply sabotage the relationship.
11. Emphasize her own wants and needs
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If a wife is disappointed with her choice of a husband, chances are she’s not interested in making him feel special, valued, or heard. She’s not only prone to making comments and behaving in a way that sabotages the connectedness and balance of her marriage, but she’ll also actively put her own desires and needs above her husband's.
Even if she occasionally feels guilty, at the end of the day, she’s more worried about adding joy and meaning to her own life than protecting the health of a relationship she actively regrets putting herself in.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
