11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Politely Say 'You're Not Worth Arguing With'
When someone isn't worth arguing with, it's time to end the discussion without causing further conflict.
erhanyelekci | Shutterstock When an argument is going nowhere, a brilliant person will want to get out of it. On the other hand, someone who is not so brilliant will likely want to just keep arguing until they feel like they've won. It's at this point that they whip out the phrases brilliant people use to politely say "you're not worth arguing with," but of course they can't just say that outright.
Professor and health expert Dr. Bruce Y. Lee explained that it's typically not worth it to try to win an argument. "When you have an argument with someone you actually care about in some way, if your goal is to win the argument, you will lose," he revealed. Instead, he recommends that you "throw in a circuit breaker... by either throwing in a curve ball of niceness or levity or taking a brief break with a specified time limit." Or, another way could be to simply shut it down and let the other person know they're not worth arguing with — in the most polite, kind way possible, of course.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to politely say 'you're not worth arguing with'
1. 'We just have different opinions'
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Obviously, a brilliant person who is trying to be polite isn't going to just come straight out and tell their opponent that they aren't worth arguing with. Instead, they might highlight the differing opinions they have in an effort to diffuse the tension.
This tells the other person that they understand where they're coming from, but there's really no way for them to reach an agreement. They'll just have to leave the conversation where it is because it's not going anywhere if no one will budge.
Therapist Karyn Hall explained why disagreements can feel so harmful. "When someone expresses a different opinion than ours, that can activate our threat system. We are on guard, tense and ready to fight or run away," she said. "Too often, in that situation, we are arguing (fight response) or ready to abandon the relationship (flight response)."
But it doesn't have to be that way. No one has to feel threatened by an argument they are having. Rather, they can just acknowledge that they are different from the other person and have different opinions from them. This is completely natural and human.
There's really no point in continuing to argue when both parties have different opinions that aren't going to change. Brilliant people know that pointing this out is a polite way to let someone know they don't think they are worth arguing with.
2. 'I respect where you're coming from even though we don't agree'
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One of the phrases brilliant people use to politely say "you're not worth arguing with" is a mature way of relaying respect for their opponent's point of view, even though they don't share it. Intelligent people can do this and let the other person know that's how they feel.
They may not agree, but that doesn't mean they can't respect each other and their individual rights to have their own opinions. Really, doing so is a superpower.
Writer Anna Goodman shared why it's important to respect others' opinions, revealing, "Nevertheless, we hold our values near and dear to our hearts. They form the foundations of our lives and who we are as people. Someone who has different values from us can feel as though they are a world away from us. In reality, it's likely they just had a different upbringing, with access to different information and abided by different norms."
The ability to understand that other people don't agree with you for various reasons and that it's okay is valuable. It's something that brilliant people can do. So, instead of being rude to someone when they don't want to argue with them anymore, they can treat them with the respect they deserve and point out that they just think differently. There's nothing wrong with that.
3. 'We can agree to disagree'
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This phrase signals that someone is done arguing without being rude. It lets their opponent know that they understand they are at an impasse and there's really nowhere else to go with the argument. It is firm and final without hurting anyone's feelings.
Communication expert Melody Stanford Martin shared that it's really best to plan to agree to disagree from the very beginning of an argument. She said that having a conversation without the intention of changing someone's mind can be even more productive. "When someone takes the time to disagree with us in a respectful way, we should work to welcome it as a gift and an opportunity to sharpen each other," she explained.
When you disagree with someone, it's tempting to argue with them and try to change their mind so that they do agree with you. However, that's not always the most effective thing to do. Debating is fine, but accepting that people have their own preconceived ideas is important. Brilliant people can acknowledge this and see when it's time to take a step back because the argument isn't going anywhere.
4. 'I don't think we'll get anywhere if we keep arguing'
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Sometimes, arguments are productive. For example, if you're in a relationship, you have to argue at times to work through your problems as a couple. On the other hand, if you and another person are just locked in an argument about politics or pop culture or religion and no one is going to back down, you're not really going to get anywhere. Brilliant people don't just understand this — they're not afraid to say it too.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Aimee Daramus said, "The point of a healthy argument is to get to cooperation or compromise if not agreement. When you're arguing to be right, to flex on someone or to prove them wrong, it's going off the rails. You might start out trying to find cooperation, but there's a shift inside you toward just wanting to win."
When someone's only goal is to win an argument, there's really no point to the argument anymore at all. It's no longer productive and it's not going anywhere. Brilliant people aren't afraid to gently point this out in a polite way that doesn't offend anyone, but is still unyielding. It's truly a smart move.
5. 'I appreciate and understand how you feel about this'
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If someone is willing to argue about something to the point that it really becomes moot, they are probably very passionate about their position. That's why it can be helpful for someone to say that they understand where they're coming from and can appreciate it.
That's where a brilliant person steps in. They always seem to know what to say, and this situation is no exception. Acknowledging the other person's feelings is a great move that shows someone's brains and sense of humanity.
Hall touched on this subject as well. She said it's important to remember that the other person feels exactly like you do. "The other person in the conflict is going through human struggles and suffering, just as you," she stated. "It's part of being human. Compassion means that we don't want to add to the suffering of the other person and that we strive to bring kindness and understanding to the interaction."
Just because you're in the middle of an argument doesn't mean you can lose your compassion and humanity. Instead, you should tap into those things even more and extend as much kindness to your opponent as possible. Let them know that you care, even if you don't agree and think they aren't worth arguing with anymore.
6. 'It's okay that we see this issue differently'
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"It's okay that we see this issue differently" is another of the phrases brilliant people use to politely say "you're not worth arguing with." That's because acknowledging the power of differences of opinion is so important.
Debating a certain issue is not a bad thing, and despite what our society may lead you to believe, arguing isn't a bad thing. Neither is disagreeing. It's what you do with those things that matters.
A brilliant person knows that two people can see an issue differently and still get along. That doesn't mean they want to continue the argument or think it's worth it to do so. It just means they are showing respect.
Harvard Business Review writer Vasundhara Sawhney discussed why it's okay to disagree with people through the lens of work disagreements. "Disagreeing with someone is not about getting into a fight or about unkindness," she said.
"It's about how [differences] of opinion can lead to better work outcomes. So don't assume that disagreements always lead to damaged relations. As long as you show respect to the other person, while safeguarding your self-respect, disagreements can fuel better work relations and performance."
It's perfectly acceptable to see an issue from different points of view. A brilliant person knows this and is ready to point out to their opponent that disagreeing can actually be healthy because it brings up different perspectives on a certain topic. This ensures everyone is represented and understood. Someone may not be worth arguing with, but that doesn't mean their opinion doesn't matter.
7. 'We might be talking about two different things here'
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One option for politely telling someone they aren't worth arguing with is to say that it feels like you're talking about two different things, or having two distinct conversations. A brilliant person may employ this tactic when an argument is going nowhere and they want to put an end to things without stepping on any toes.
It's quite possible that the two people arguing are talking about the same thing, but their perspectives can feel so different that it seems like different topics, or it's just easier to think of it that way. In these cases, it can be helpful to take a break from that argument — that is, if you don't shut it down altogether.
Along with Daramus, licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson suggested it's best to step away in these situations, explaining, "If you feel that tensions are escalating, let the person know that you're going to have to hang up the phone or walk away so that you both can become calm. When people are fighting they are in their fight or flight response and no one is thinking clearly."
Intelligent people understand that sometimes arguments go so off the rails that they don't really even make sense anymore. At that point, it feels like those participating aren't even talking about the same thing anymore. Instead, they're just arguing to argue and spouting off ideas to back each other into their respective corners. No one wants to continue an argument like that, and it really isn't worth it.
8. 'It might be better for us to end the discussion here'
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One of the most effective ways to end an argument is to do just that: end it. And to do that, one of the phrases brilliant people use to politely say "you're not worth arguing with" is to suggest ending the discussion altogether. There's no shame in stopping an argument in its tracks; in fact, it's admirable to stop an unproductive argument that will only lead to pain.
Lee added, "When you find yourself arguing with someone, try to gauge the pattern and flow of the argument. Is it clearly moving towards a better understanding of each other's view points and positions? Or is it going round and round, perhaps spiraling upwards in intensity? The latter is an unstable situation and can only increase misunderstanding, especially if the greater intensity leads one side or both sides to say things that they may end up regretting."
Although arguments can get heated and passionate, it's important to remain aware of what direction they are headed in. If it's spiraling and leading to misunderstandings, then it's better to just drop the issue altogether. Brilliant people know this, and they know how to do so politely, without hurting the other person's feelings or making them feel like their perspective isn't valid.
9. 'The truth will come out'
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It's easy to start making threats when you're in the middle of an argument, especially because your fight or flight response is activated. Instead of turning to such petty taunts, brilliant people know that it's better to rely on the truth, quite literally.
If they have a different view on an issue than someone else does, they can simply tell them that the truth will come out eventually. If the other person knows they're just blowing smoke, this will be concerning for them. If they have a legitimate perspective, they should accept to wait and see what happens.
Psychology professor Ira E. Hyman Jr. said that although actually uncovering the truth can feel impossible these days with so many red herrings across social media and the internet, it is still important to do so. "I worry that the truth is being buried in a landslide of misrepresentations and lies," he said.
"Sometimes people make honest mistakes. Other times, we argue about how to interpret something. In these cases, we'll eventually understand the real state of the world."
So, arguing, even about the truth, is normal. After all, there are many things that can be considered true facts that are undisputed. However, that doesn't stop people from disputing them.
But usually you can trust the truth to come out, whether it's already known and someone is choosing to ignore it, or if it's not entirely clear yet. Unfortunately, this is a waste of time for brilliant people, so they have to find a way out of it.
10. 'I'll give you some space'
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When tempers flare and things get heated, one of the best things you can do is to take a step back and let the other person cool off, especially if they're really upset. Brilliant people understand that an argument is not worth continuing if their opponent is just going to get angrier and angrier by the second and eventually blow up. No one can have a constructive conversation that way.
Leadership guru Mark Murphy wisely stated, "If there's one thing we know about fights and conflicts, whether inside or outside the office, it's that angry people often look for reasons to stay angry." He added that focusing on things you agree with instead of the things you disagree with can be helpful: "To defuse an argument, avoid taking the bait and allowing the other person to justify their anger."
Sometimes all you need to do to end an argument is give the other person some space. This doesn't let them know that you think they're not worth arguing with, but it does end things effectively. If you just can't take it anymore, consider acting like you're doing your opponent a favor by letting them take some time. It might just get you out of a pointless argument that isn't going anywhere.
11. 'We're not going to change each other's perspectives'
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No matter how hard you argue with someone, it's very unlikely that you'll magically convince each other to switch to the opposite sides. If someone just isn't worth arguing with, a brilliant person might point this unlikelihood out.
If you're focused on your perspective only, and there's no way to win anyone else to your side, is there really any point to continuing? This is extremely polite and doesn't hurt anyone. Instead, it empowers the other person to hold on to their beliefs and keep developing them further. That's kind, really.
Marriage and family therapist Stephen J. Betchen said that trying to change someone's opinion is really pointless because there are so many factors that influence their beliefs.
"Have you ever noticed that when you debate someone, particularly on topics of a political or religious nature you are not simply arguing with 'one' person about 'one' issue?" he asked. "Rather, you are arguing with an individual's entire life history and all the people that have influenced that person along the way."
It's unlikely that you'll be able to change someone who is working with that kind of foundation. And when it's no longer worth arguing with them, why would you want to? Reminding the other person that no one is going to change their mind if you argue longer is one way brilliant people shut their opponent down so they don't have to deal with them anymore. It's a genius strategy.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
