11 Things Highly Intelligent People Quietly Abandon As They Get Older
What once brought highly intelligent people comfort when they were young may end up doing the opposite as they age.
Zuev Ali | Shutterstock Highly intelligent individuals are usually very tuned into their habits, behaviors, and patterns. They're always trying to grow and become better versions of themselves, which sometimes means abandoning the things that once felt comfortable and easy for them. There's usually just a shift in their priorities and a refusal to keep carrying on with what no longer fits their lifestyle. At its core, highly intelligent people just want peace, and that means stepping away from certain things like their constant overthinking, the need to be perfect all of the time, and creating perfect work, along with their desire always to control the outcomes.
As they age, they begin to realize that a lot of those habits they once relied on were doing nothing but bringing them down and causing more harm than good. Once they're able to recognize that, the change can be quite swift. They understand that stepping away from these habits may be hard at first, but in the long run, it'll help them become better people and bring more peace into their lives than anything else, which is always the most important part. At the end of the day, they just want to live fulfilling lives, even if that transformation may be a bit painful at first.
Here are 11 things highly intelligent people quietly abandon as they get older:
1. The need to win every argument
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Highly intelligent people know that as they get older, there's no fulfillment in having to be right all of the time, and needing to win every argument. Maybe in their younger years, they felt this instinct to always defend their ideas and argue until they've proven their point. But over time, they're able to see that most arguments are not a competition. On the other hand, some people don't engage in arguments to hear the other person's truth but rather to stroke their own ego and dominate the conversation.
"When we try to settle differences by winning the argument rather than seeking to find greater understanding from it, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partner and miss the opportunity to engage in practices that can make us more skilled, loving, and responsible people," explained relationship experts Linda and Charlie Bloom.
As highly intelligent people age, they realize that trying to change someone's mind never works, so they just start choosing their battles more wisely. Letting go of this need to win arguments means they're wise enough to know that saying nothing at all is way more powerful because the most important thing is knowing and standing behind what they believe in.
2. Chasing external validation
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Sometimes, even the most intelligent and self-aware people fall into the trap of looking to others just to gain approval. They feed off of that external validation, whether it's by the likes they get on social media, the praise for every goal they achieve, or being told they're on the right path. However, external validation doesn't do anything if you're unable to actually learn to validate and believe in yourself.
"We all enjoy praise and external validation. But the mainstay of our contentment needs to come from within. It may be hard to shed the mindset of looking for validation from others. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it. The idea is progress, not perfection. This is hard work," explained licensed clinical social worker Andrea Rosenhaft.
As highly intelligent people age, they start to question why they feel this need to always chase approval from others. This means they start making decisions based on how the outcome will make them feel versus how other people will perceive it. They start doing things that feel more authentic to them, and therefore, they end up leading lives that just feel more fulfilling.
3. Over-explaining themselves
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Because highly intelligent individuals often struggle with being misunderstood because of their multiple perspectives on certain things, they end up stuck in this habit of always over-explaining themselves. They make sure to go out of their way to make sure no one feels confused or even uncomfortable, but over time, they may realize that they end up just going around in circles when attempting to make people understand where they're coming from.
At its core, choosing to over-explain means that there's this fear of being judged and misunderstood, but as highly intelligent people get older, they start to see that it takes more of their energy when they're constantly on the defense. They eventually learn that their choices and thoughts don't always need to be explained because the people who get it, get it, and those who don't, don't.
"Each moment you choose stillness over over-explaining, each time you trust your no without a footnote, you’re rewiring an old belief. You’re showing up for yourself in a new way. And with practice, that self-trust grows stronger," encouraged licensed mental health counselor Stephanie Moulton Sarkis.
4. Tolerating shallow friendships
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As they grow older, highly intelligent people start realizing that the best thing they can do with their friendships is make sure they're prioritizing depth over anything else. When they were young, they probably kept certain friendships around either out of habit or because they didn't want to be lonely. However, with age, they can no longer tolerate surface-level interactions and relationships.
"Creating meaningful friendships doesn’t happen overnight—it takes intention, effort, and heart. But the rewards are extraordinary: a network of love and support that lifts you up, inspires, and transforms you," explained psychotherapist Moshe Ratson.
When they start putting more emphasis on building friendships that feel deeper, they end up creating more long-lasting connections with people. They'd rather be surrounded by people who want to uplift them and actually care for their well-being, versus people who don't make them feel seen.
5. Holding grudges
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Highly intelligent people eventually learn that nothing good comes from holding grudges against others. At one point, they may have felt justified in the resentment they had for people who had done them wrong, and while the hurt and betrayal were real, holding on to that anger doesn't really ever do much for their well-being.
"Grudges can keep people stuck in anger, bitterness, and blame, negatively impacting subsequent relationships. Grudges can keep you rooted in the past instead of finding joy in the present. In holding a grudge, you unwittingly give the other person negative power over your life and emotions instead of moving on and creating a new and better life for yourself," explained psychotherapist Kathy McCoy.
It doesn't mean that individuals should forgive those who have wronged them, but there's a power in being able to move on and not let them dictate your emotions anymore. As highly intelligent people age, they realize that grudges weigh them down and end up clouding their judgment. Instead of holding grudges, they choose to heal and move on.
6. Being available to everyone
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At some point, highly intelligent people reach an age where they realize that being there for everyone and always showing up to offer others support might be doing them a disservice. While it's good to be a dependable person, if it comes at the cost of ignoring your mental health and not putting yourself first for once, then it can end up draining your energy.
"It's okay to take a step back and assess the give-and-take in your relationships. Building a healthy approach involves giving without losing yourself in the process. This balance creates more meaningful connections while ensuring your emotional reserves are protected," insisted psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen.
Highly intelligent people become aware of that with time and various experiences. They start to notice who respects their time versus those who just use them when it's only convenient for them. For the people who fall under the latter category, they end up taking a step back to protect their peace because they refuse to be the one who's always showing up when those people don't show up for them.
7. Chasing emotionally unavailable people
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Highly intelligent people may have found themselves drawn to those who were always distant and hard to read because the mystery of them felt compelling enough to keep them around. Even if that person wasn't offering them what they needed emotionally, they still felt like they would be able to "fix" them eventually. However, as these individuals get older, they start to see the pattern for what it is.
They realize that in these connections, they're the ones doing all of the emotional heavy lifting while the other person does absolutely nothing. Intelligent people can recognize that if they have to keep chasing and decoding someone, it's not a real relationship. Once they stop romanticizing that person, they accept that some people just aren't emotionally mature and ready to heal themselves.
8. Saying yes out of obligation
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In the past, highly intelligent people may have been quick to say "yes" to things just because they didn't want to disappoint others. They agreed to help or show up to a certain occasion when in reality, that wasn't something they wanted to do. But with age and gaining more self-awareness, they're able to recognize that nothing good comes from abandoning their values and needs for the sake of others.
They've been able to create healthier and stronger boundaries that allow them to get the time and peace they need. They know that people who actually care about them won't ever feel insulted when they need to spend some time with themselves instead of always showing up for others.
9. Needing control over every detail
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People with high IQs enjoy the planning and analysis that goes into the things they deeply care about. They genuinely enjoy being hands-on and preparing for any scenario. However, this means that they tend to want to have control over every little thing, often becoming disappointed or angry when things don't work out the way they wanted them to.
Over time, though, highly intelligent people start to learn that no matter how much you plan things out, life is wildly unpredictable. It's downright exhausting trying to have control over every little thing, and no amount of micromanaging will be able to protect them from the uncertainty that life has to offer. Once these individuals realize that, they can finally live their lives without obsessing over every single thing.
10. Avoiding discomfort
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In their younger years, highly intelligent people may have tried to live their lives in a way that meant they'd be able to avoid discomfort. They'd try their hardest to dodge conflict and suppress the emotions they didn't want to feel. But discomfort is all a part of living, and running away from it means that you're not allowing yourself to feel things and grow from them.
As these individuals get older, they realize that nothing about life comes easy. By skipping out on actually feeling uncomfortable, it's avoiding the things that are real. Just because you feel discomfort doesn't mean you've failed, but instead it's an opportunity to reevaluate and let go of what is no longer working.
11. Fearing change
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At first, change can feel quite scary because of how unpredictable it is. At one point, highly intelligent individuals may have tried their hardest to imagine everything that could go wrong so that they wouldn't have to be thrust into the unknown. To them, change meant chaos, and considering they enjoy having control over everything, they refuse to adhere to change because of that.
However, they soon start to realize that change doesn't make things harder, but avoiding it will. As they get older, they see the value in changing things up and not allowing everything just to stay the same. The most meaningful moments in life come from breaking free from your routine and allowing yourself the joy of experiencing something new.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
