Women Who No Longer Desire Their Husbands Often Say These 11 Things In Private
If she's saying things like this, she may be secretly done with the marriage.
Mahir KART / Shutterstock Marriage isn't easy. No matter what some couples do, there may come a point when one partner starts falling out of love, while the other partner clings desperately to their crumbling marriage. While these moments can feel impossible to get through, they don't have to mean the marriage will end if you catch the problem early enough and both partners want to make things work.
Even when they've avoided addressing the issue, women who no longer desire their husbands often say some specific things in private that hint at how they really feel. If a man notices his wife saying these types of phrases on a more and more regular basis, he should probably ask her if they can have an open, vulnerable talk. While it takes two to make a marriage work, a little effort and acknowledgement on a man's part go a long way.
Women who no longer desire their husbands often say these 11 things in private
1. ‘I feel more like roommates than partners’
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Women who no longer desire their husbands often say, “I feel more like we're roommates than partners.” It’s a bit cruel, but when the spark is fading, small gestures to liven things up again can matter more than men may think.
As Professor Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., explained, "Love is not one big gesture; it is rather a combination of a million little things expressed in pleasant and kind daily actions."
Now, does this mean the couple should call it quits? Not necessarily. While it might seem impossible now, every marriage goes through highs and lows. However, if both partners are willing to work on bringing some romance back, dealing with a period of boredom doesn't have to be as bad as it may currently feel.
2. ‘We never laugh together anymore’
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Marriage isn’t always laughs and inside jokes. Despite how beautiful marriage is, there will always be times when couples don’t laugh the same way they used to. This is probably why women who no longer desire their husbands often say, “We never laugh together anymore,” in private.
Most people understand that bad times happen, but when the bad times continue for years, a wife might begin to lose patience. Even if she loves her husband, a continuous cycle of tension and seriousness can quickly dull desire. So, while difficult times are inevitable, be sure to make the best you can of even terrible situations, as lighthearted humor can help more than people think.
3. ‘I feel like you don't see me as a woman, only as a wife and mother’
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Desire goes both ways in a marriage. As much as women should show desire for their husbands, husbands should also show their desire towards their wives. However, when a husband stops seeing his wife as a woman and more like a mother or babysitter, this is when the spark dies.
This is why women who no longer desire their husbands often say, "He doesn't see me as a woman, only as a wife or mother." She isn't trying to be negative, but when her man doesn't pay her any compliments and only asks, "What's for dinner," it can dim the spark in any marriage.
According to a study published in the Western Journal of Communication, exchanging compliments is associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction. So, while being a parent or a partner is important, don't forget to spice things up. If a husband notices his wife looks extra beautiful, don't be afraid to tell her. Not only will this bring back that light-hearted attitude in the marriage, but it also makes her feel more desire towards you as well.
4. ‘It feels like you don’t know me anymore’
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When a couple has been married for a few years, they should know their partner pretty well. From their favorite color to their favorite candy they crave at that time of the month, a husband should know his wife like the back of his hand. Yet, women who no longer desire their husbands often say, "It feels like you don't know me anymore," in private.
She isn't trying to be difficult, but everyone wants to feel seen by their partner. After spending years getting to know someone and building a life with them, it's only natural that a man should know that his wife prefers milk in her coffee and a packet of sugar.
Yet, when a husband neglects his wife and stops paying attention to her, wives can feel that distance, causing their desire for their husbands to decrease.
5. ‘I wish you would actually listen to me’
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Both men and women want to feel heard in their marriage. Whether they're arguing or having a playful debate, it's normal for both parties to crave that attention. However, women who no longer desire their husbands often say, "I wish you would actually listen to me," in private.
Understandably, men are busy and sometimes aren't the best listeners. When it's one in the morning and they have work the next day, the last thing they want to hear is a rant about how much their wife hates their coworker. Even so, completely ignoring her 24/7 never ends well in the long run.
According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, communication is the cornerstone of any good marriage as it leads to higher satisfaction. So, if husbands want to keep their marriage alive, then listening to their wives' musings is a must.
6. ‘You take me for granted’
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When someone's been married for a while, they might start to take their partner for granted. Without even realizing it, their relationship might go from giving thanks every day to barely acknowledging their partner's effort. And while this might not seem like a huge deal for some people, women who no longer desire their husbands often say, "You take me for granted," in private.
It should go without saying that most men don't purposely take their wives for granted. But as life becomes busier, and men become more distracted with kids and bills, they might forget to show that extra love towards their wives.
Thankfully, it doesn't have to be the end of the world if men find themselves in this predicament. By setting daily reminders, they can repair this distance by slowly beginning to show appreciation towards their wives.
7. ‘I don’t feel safe opening up to you anymore’
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Sometimes, a woman has been so repeatedly hurt by her husband that she no longer feels safe opening up to him anymore. Whether it's because she's been shut down in the past or because she was made to believe that her feelings are always an overreaction, a woman who no longer desires her husbands often says, "I don't feel safe opening up to you anymore," in private.
A wife doesn't have to tell a husband she no longer feels safe with him. Husbands will slowly begin to notice as wives become more distant in the marriage. And while this distance might seem temporary at first, be careful not to let it boil over. Constantly closing themselves off leads to resentment, which, according to professor and author Steven Stosny, Ph.D., "Resentment can begin to threaten the survival of your relationship without either of you knowing it and with neither of you doing anything wrong."
8. ‘I can’t remember the last time you did something sweet for me’
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In marriage, there needs to be an equal give and take. However, when a woman feels like she's giving without anything in return, women who no longer desire their husbands often say, "I can't remember the last time you did something sweet for me," in private.
The small things matter at the end of the day. Whether it's cooking dinner for her or cleaning the house, those small actions show women that you care, increasing their desire for you. When men barely show effort and don't do anything to make her life a little easier, it's easy for women to feel taken for granted. And once she feels this way, it's hard to reverse these intense emotions without therapy and consistency.
9. ‘You no longer inspire me’
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Women who no longer desire their husbands often say, “You no longer inspire me,” in private. She might not say it to her husband’s face, but once a woman has been drained of her happiness, it’s only a matter of time before her motivation becomes nonexistent, too.
As a woman, it’s only natural to want a man who’s inspirational and fuels you with fire. Yet once he stops trying and becomes less ambitious and more negative, that’s when these feelings begin to fade away. This isn’t great, as American psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., notes, "Encouragement and genuine recognition help create an environment where they feel valued and motivated to grow alongside you."
Still, if a man truly wants to make his marriage work, then showing up every day for oneself is actually the best way to show up for their wife.
10. ‘I’m happier when you're not around’
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In a healthy marriage, it’s normal to feel happy. Whether they’re going out on a date together or watching TV together, couples who are truly in love will always find a way to put one another first. However, women who no longer desire their husbands often say, “I’m happier when you're not around.”
It’s hurtful to hear, but once a woman is done with a man, she’s done. Filled with resentment and regret, women who’ve given up on their marriage slowly begin to spend more and more time alone.
Now, does this mean it has to be the end of your marriage if your wife says this? Not necessarily. Most relationships can be saved with a little bit of hard work and therapy. However, if a man continues to neglect his wife, he shouldn't be shocked if one day she ups and leaves without a single word.
11. ‘You are so constantly annoying’
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Finally, women who no longer desire their husbands often say, “You are so constantly annoying,” in private. They might not say it to their husband’s face, but when a woman is fed up with their behavior, they’ll snap at any little thing. Did he accidentally leave clothes on the floor?
Be prepared for an all-out screaming match. It isn’t fair, but many women in this predicament don’t know how to control their emotions, let alone express their feelings. As a result, this leads to a bucketload of criticism, which, according to the Gottman Institute, "Not surprisingly, this kind of attack often triggers defensiveness and leads to a cycle of conflict that is hard to escape."
So, when a wife becomes annoyed at every little thing, watch out. This might be the end of your marriage, unless you take action now.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
