Men Who Don’t Love Their Wives Anymore Do These 11 Things At Bedtime
The way a man acts at night says a lot about how he feels about his wife.
Marjan Apostolovic | Shutterstock Even though romantic love often focuses on women and femininity, men are frequently the key to success in a marriage or long-term relationship, according to love expert Dr. John Gottman. “Happy wife, happy life” isn’t the key to finding a balance between romantic love, intimacy, and commitment, but rather crafting safe spaces for both partners to lean into their vulnerabilities, trust, and communication skills.
When men don’t feel heard, loved, or appreciated, they tend to become disconnected from their partners—especially since they often desire romantic connections more than women do. In small moments of daily life, like getting ready for bed, it can be obvious that a man is falling out of love. From working late to distracting themselves with screens, men who no longer love their wives tend to do these things at bedtime.
Men who don’t love their wives anymore do these 11 things at bedtime:
1. They stay up later
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According to a study from the Sleep journal, a couple’s sleep patterns are often influenced by partner satisfaction in their relationships. For example, these researchers found that when a wife is more satisfied in a marriage, the couple’s sleep becomes more synchronized — the time they’re awake or asleep at the same time increases.
However, when one partner is unhappy or unheard in the relationship, it can show in various ways in their sleep habits — such as a husband staying up later, distracting himself with mindless entertainment, or avoiding quality time and communication with his wife in bed.
Even if it’s not fully conscious or intentional, they are actively avoiding that shared intimate time, and their emotional turmoil may negatively impact their sleep schedule.
2. They stop being physically affectionate
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Men tend to value physical affection and seek this kind of intimacy in their relationships, so if they’re actively avoiding giving it to their partners, that can be a red flag for romantic love.
According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the presence of physical affection and intentional touch significantly boosts a man’s relationship satisfaction — as the “icing on the cake” compared to other fundamental practices like trust, commitment, and communication.
Men who no longer love their wives may avoid these bedtime routines — like simple gestures such as holding her hand during pillow talk or cuddling before sleep. Especially if there's been a change in his usual behavior, it could indicate internal conflict or a loss of feelings.
3. They don’t say ‘goodnight’
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Even if it seems harmless, a phrase like “goodnight” between partners in bed can not only significantly affect their connection but also each person’s sleep quality and duration. If their partner’s tone is disengaged or clearly upset when saying “goodnight,” the other person is likely to have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep.
Communication, especially intentional communication between partners in all areas of life, isn’t just a talking point for marriage experts — it’s truly the foundation of a healthy relationship.
When there isn’t effective communication in a relationship, everything else — from intimacy and physical touch to conflict resolution — begins to break down as well. So, even if the signs of declining communication are small at first, like a partner not saying “goodnight” at bedtime, they can lead to bigger issues of disconnection and resentment in marriages.
4. They scroll on their phone
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The more a partner uses their phone daily — whether during “quality” time or before bed — the lower their relationship satisfaction tends to be, according to a study from the Computers in Human Behavior journal.
Of course, phones and technology can be beneficial in relationships — helping partners stay connected and make each other feel valued when they’re apart — but when they’re used as a distraction or coping mechanism, they have the opposite effect. Men who no longer love their wives do these things at bedtime — scrolling through their phones, texting others, and becoming defensive about their phone use when it’s brought up.
They might use it to manage emotional dysregulation, conflict, and resentment in their marriage, or simply as a distraction from larger issues at home. Regardless of their reasons, it comes at the expense of their connection with a partner.
5. They stop saying ‘I love you’
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People can “love” you but not be “in love” with you romantically, according to a study from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. There are many kinds of love, many of which change as romantic love develops and intimacy fades. However, for marriage partners, saying “I love you” isn’t just about romantic feelings; it’s also a way to reassure, build trust, and show commitment.
When your partner stops regularly saying they love you, everything else begins to change — you become less physically close and intimate, more worried and resentful, and feel detached in everyday life. Even if it’s just in pillow talk or conversations about the future, men who no longer love their wives may do these things at bedtime — avoiding phrases that focus on romantic love.
6. They go to sleep angry
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Conflict resolution is crucial for healthy relationships, especially long-term ones that will always face concerns, emotions, and life struggles to work through together. That’s why resolving arguments and expressing personal struggles during these conversations helps boost mental and physical health — you’re not battling resentment or issues that have been swept under the rug, but directly addressing and healing from them.
When men no longer love their wives, they may become less willing to have tough conversations and avoid uncomfortable interactions in pursuit of peace and intimacy at home. They go to bed angry, sidestep conflict, and underestimate their negative emotions, which can lead to long-term issues that might be impossible to fix.
7. They distract themselves with TV
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Healthy relationships can serve as healthy coping mechanisms for issues like chronic stress and mental health challenges, but many men who have grown apart from their wives or experienced loss of love often turn to mindless entertainment instead. They stay up late watching TV to avoid intimacy in the bedroom, rely on their phones instead of spending quality time, and even use technology as a buffer to distract themselves from conflicts.
Instead of resolving conflicts and communicating with their wives, they distract their minds and emotional state with a surge of media and entertainment — a common bedtime habit for men who no longer love their wives.
8. They prioritize work
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According to a study from the Community, Work, and Family journal, men who overwork themselves aren’t just sabotaging their own energy levels, mental health, and physical wellbeing; they’re also further disconnecting from their wives and causing relationship dissatisfaction.
Especially when combined with poor communication habits and affection, a man who constantly prioritizes work makes his partner feel especially unvalued and unheard.
Whether it’s working late, getting home late, or staying up until the early morning hours on their laptop, men who no longer love their wives do these things at bedtime. Whether it’s a distraction from their lost romantic love or not, they actively prioritize work over issues like conflict resolution, communication, physical closeness and intimacy, and quality time.
9. They pull back emotionally
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Many men who have lost romantic love for their partners are emotionally distant and cold before bed, in situations where they used to be warm and affectionate.
Often, this negative mood, mindset, and emotional state stem from a lack of emotional regulation — all of the pent-up anger, complex emotions, resentment, and concerns that have plagued the relationship without resolution are spilling out in subtle and unsuspecting ways. Men who no longer love their wives — refusing to argue and discuss their feelings — do these things at bedtime because they have no other way to cope and express their discomfort.
Like a study from the Emotion journal suggests, emotional regulation is more impactful for marriage health than it appears — when one partner struggles, the entire relationship can be at risk.
10. They stop asking about her day
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Even though communication habits like conflict-resolution and emotional expression usually shape the health and well-being of a marriage, the smaller things — like “How was your day?” and “How are you feeling?” — are equally influential and meaningful.
Men who no longer love their wives stop engaging in closeness and intimacy at bedtime, especially regarding verbal affirmations, communication, and bonding. They don’t ask about their partner’s day, try to support them, or create a safe space for expression. Instead, they turn away, avoid conversations, and adopt a colder, less welcoming attitude.
11. They create physical space
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Besides the emotional space a husband without romantic love often develops — avoiding physical intimacy, giving short answers, and distracting himself from vulnerability — it’s also common for these partners to create literal physical space as well.
Whether it’s stacking pillows between them, sleeping on the bed's edge, or even switching to another bedroom or the couch — they prefer to avoid closeness.
Considering that closeness and physical intimacy are crucial factors in a romantic relationship for men specifically, they are often among the first red flags partners notice when romantic love starts to decline.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
