11 Things Miserable Husbands Want Their Wives To Know But Don’t Know How Say Out Loud
Husbands who are unhappy in their marriage often want to say things that they don’t know how to express.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Marriage is not easy, and when problems arise, it can be difficult for men to share how they feel. Society has taught them that it is “manly” to keep their emotions to themselves, which can cause further distress in their partnership. Even if they've been deeply hurt by their spouse, many husbands struggle to put their pain into words. They can grow miserable in their marriages as a result.
Research has found that many men struggle with emotional restraint. Although they may be feeling strong emotions, they will not let it show to their partner. This may manifest as resentment and spur misery in their marriage. Some of the men surveyed stated that they would like to learn how to stop suppressing their emotions and be more open with their wives, but they were struggling to do so. Men who are miserable in their relationships want to share how they feel, but they don’t know how to say it out loud.
These are 11 things miserable husbands want their wives to know but don’t know how to say out loud
1. They feel unappreciated
RDNE Stock Project from Pexels via Canva
Feeling unappreciated or unnoticed in a marriage can lead to husbands feeling miserable. It can be hard to share that they are not feeling appreciated, and they may stifle those thoughts to prevent a fight.
Much of a man’s self-worth is tied to his work, and if he feels his wife is not appreciating the effort he puts into their career, he may grow miserable. Excelling at their job is a way most men feel masculine and makes them the happiest. Success at work is a top indicator of a man’s positive mindset, coming ahead of marriage. When his spouse does not show appreciation, it can have a negative impact on his self-esteem.
2. They need more support
shisuka via Canva
Being open to emotional support from others, including your partner, is associated with improved overall health. However, for men who are miserable in their marriage, it can be hard to share that they need more support.
Men generally feel like they are supportive husbands, even if their wives may not agree. This causes even more resentment in their relationship, as they believe they are providing support but not receiving it in return. Mutual support is key in a relationship, and men can struggle to advocate for the support they need, especially when they find themselves unhappy in their marriage.
3. They feel like they are failing in the relationship
Mikhail Nilov from Pexels via Canva
Society has placed great expectations on how men should behave in their romantic relationships. Being a stoic partner is expected of them, and when that facade begins to crack, they feel they are failing themselves and their wives.
This is a symptom of outdated gender roles, but it can be relevant when husbands become miserable in their relationships. Spousal expectations can put too much pressure on a member of the marriage, and if that person is the husband, he will feel like he is failing.
4. They are unhappy with the current situation
fizkes by Getty Images via canva
Maintaining a healthy relationship can be difficult. When a man is unhappy in his marriage, he will shut down emotionally, prioritize spending time with friends, and physically withdraw from the relationship.
He may want to remedy the situation, but miserable husbands have a hard time vocalizing their needs. Often, when a relationship is struggling, the wife may want to fix the unhappiness with couples therapy, which men are typically against because they struggle to vocalize their feelings.
“Another common experience for men is feeling that counseling is only about discussing emotions and that if they don’t cry, they aren’t doing it right,” licensed therapist Jonathan F. Anderson has found. “This belief is also untrue. A good couples counselor will create space for emotional expression and intellectual discussion of how to fix issues.”
5. They are still upset about something from the past
Wavebreakmedia from Getty Images Pro via Canva
Pain from the past can be difficult for anyone to move forward from, but for a husband who is miserable in his relationship, it can be impossible to get past. Since they struggle to express these things out loud, solutions are scarce.
Dr. Abby Medcalf has found that there are many reasons why husbands have a tough time moving forward from issues in the past. When there is unresolved trauma, men struggle to progress, since they often don’t know how to communicate the issues that bother them. If that trauma is tied to their marriage and they haven’t come to terms with it, it can lead to misery.
6. They are feeling resentful
Syda Productions via Canva
Resentment is not uncommon in relationships where the husband is feeling miserable and doesn’t know how to say what he is feeling out loud. It can stem from many different issues he can be dealing with internally.
His needs may not be being met. He could be experiencing emotional disconnection from his wife. Or he may not feel valued. These issues cause resentment, and when he is unable to put his feelings into words, it can be impossible to fix the problem.
7. They feel more like a friend than a romantic partner
Africa Images via Canva
Romance slowly fading away from a marriage is a major cause for unhappiness between partners. Men who feel like they are more friends or roommates with their spouse than a husband can struggle to convey that out loud.
It can be embarrassing to admit that the spark has fizzled out, or they may feel like they’re being greedy by asking for more out of their relationship. Relationship coach Emma Heponstall writes that when a marriage is in this phase and neither partner is having the difficult conversation, it can be frustrating and lead to one partner feeling miserable.
“Being the spouse who wants and needs more is lonely and frustrating. But it doesn’t make you unreasonable,” she says. “You have every right to want a more fulfilling relationship. Wanting more is neither greedy or selfish.”
8. They aren't satisfied with the relationship’s intimacy
Alex Green from Pexels via Canva
Intimacy is a key factor in a happy marriage, and if a husband feels his needs aren’t being met, he may recoil from the relationship altogether. Many despondent marriages share a common characteristic: a lack of physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy is a critical point of conflict in a marriage and can impact its vitality. Men are stereotyped as needing intimacy more than women, and if their needs aren’t being met, it can make them feel unfulfilled in the relationship.
9. They have regrets in the relationship
SolStock from Getty Images via Canva
It’s not easy to hear a husband say he has regrets about marrying his wife, but that can be the case for men who find themselves miserable in their relationship. It can be nearly impossible to say those words out loud for fear of hurting the person you once deeply cared for.
Regrets can come in several forms. He may feel that he sacrificed too much after marriage, or that his wife changed completely following their time at the altar. Whatever the issue may be, these feelings can be devastating for the other person to hear, so they keep these thoughts to themselves.
10. They miss the connection they once shared with their spouse
Odua Images via Canva
Marriage can change the structure of a relationship. Big moments, such as having kids or adopting a pet, can change the dynamics between partners. With new additions to the family, it can be difficult to maintain the original connection and passion the couple initially felt for each other.
Life moves quickly, and many husbands begin to feel like their wives have less time for them when their families expand. Studies have found that welcoming a child can cause stress in the lives of parents. With the stress of trying to balance their new normal, intimacy and romance can fade.
It’s not always the addition of children that can lead to a disconnect in a union. Over time, relationships change, and people grow apart. A man may grow miserable with his wife due to this lack of connection, but they don’t know how to say the words out loud.
11. They feel nagged
Monkey Business Images via Canva
Nagging is a major stereotype that wives endure. There is a double standard that men are able to request what they want, while women are accused of nagging when they do the same. Whether or not that is the case, men often feel they are being nagged by their wives, which can lead to emotional detachment.
One study found that wives can actually nag their husbands to death. Researchers from the University of Copenhagen concluded that having a nagging spouse can shorten life expectancy. This could result in three extra deaths per 100 people each year. That can make anyone feel miserable!
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
