Husbands Who Are No Longer Attracted To Their Wives Do These 11 Things At Home
It's not just about physical appearance and looks.
Lopolo | Shutterstock General attractiveness — both physically and from an emotional standpoint — all play an important role in crafting relationship satisfaction for men, especially in long-term relationships, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So, how can you tell when a man no longer finds his partner attractive or struggles with intimacy in his marriage?
From avoiding quality time to speaking negatively about them behind their backs, husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives do these things at home. Even if they're subtle at first, especially to their spouse who has likely grown disconnected or resentful in some way, they are strong indicators for needed change and growth in a marriage.
Husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives do these 11 things at home
1. They avoid conversations about the future
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When spouses feel disconnected from their partners, isolated and alone in their relationships, or even resentful, they also adopt a sense of anxiety about the future, according to psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams. They may be unsure of what the future holds or be grappling with the uncertainty of their relationship, but conversations discussing it are something they're not interested in entertaining.
Husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives generally avoid these conversations at home — they'd prefer to focus on themselves, cope with their emotional turmoil, and navigate the present, rather than making commitments and talking about a future they can't promise.
2. They don't argue
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Arguing and resolving conflict may seem like an indicator of an unhealthy relationship, but the truth is, when it's handled in a respectful and honest manner, it can actually be a sign of long-term health and intimacy.
A study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology argues that when marital conflicts occur and there's a loss of romantic love, attraction, or intimacy, it's men who generally become more avoidant, while their wives grow demanding. They don't argue, avoid quality time, and generally pass up on conversations that could potentially turn vulnerable, all to protect their internal sense of control and comfort.
3. They stop initiating physical contact
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Relationship coach Christiana Njoku suggests that a loss of intimacy and affection in a relationship can have a wide range of causes — from chronic stress, to illness, and even personal self-esteem struggles — not always because of a loss of attraction or love.
However, when a man stops initiating physical contact at home and avoids quality time, it could be because they're no longer interested — on an emotional and physical level — in their partners.
Intimacy and physical touch, no matter how innocent and subtle it seems amid an everyday schedule, truly bonds partners and ensures they feel valued, but when it's intentionally overlooked, it can have massive consequences.
4. They're constantly on their phone
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Husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives may be spending more time on their phone at home — whether to avoid vulnerable connection and quality time, distract themselves from inner turmoil, or entertain infidelity and other relationships online.
Of course, infidelity and cheating is less motivated by physical needs and desires for men, according to psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, and generally a symptom of lost validation, warmth, understanding, and love with their current partners. So, even though men may be more likely to indulge infidelity in their relationships, it's often in response to a loss of attraction, respect, or emotional closeness in their marriages.
5. They bring work home
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Bringing work home or staying at the office late is one common way men avoid spending quality time with their wives. If they've lost attraction for them and are dealing with the emotional turmoil of a struggling relationship, it may feel comforting to have the distraction of work, even if it pushes them closer to emotional exhaustion and burnout in the end.
As if their loss of attraction or emotional disconnection wasn't enough, a study from the Annals of Occupational and Environmental Medicine shows that a husband's tendency to overwork themselves professionally is also linked to higher rates of divorce and separation.
6. They don't plan dates
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Couples that go on regular dates — trying new things together and prioritizing quality time — generally boast higher levels of closeness and intimacy, while those who don't grow resentful. Of course, not every couple has the time or money to go out every single week, but even having "at home dates" where couples can connect can be just as important and influential.
When men stop planning dates and prioritizing this quality time, it's often one of the signs that they've lost attraction for their wives. Even if it's a symptom of chronic stress from work or emotional disconnection from poor habits, their loss of attraction makes spending time together that much more difficult.
7. They get annoyed about little things
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According to a study from the Journal of Marriage and Family, a woman's depressive symptoms and social behaviors often play a role in shaping their male partners' levels of aggression and irritability, so it's not surprising that the more disconnected a couple becomes, the more annoyed a husband grows — even about the littlest things.
As their resentment grows, their attraction falters, and disconnection becomes more prevalent in their relationships, they can't help but get defensive about little arguments and even grow annoyed about seemingly innocent behaviors from their wives. For both partners, it may seem like you're always fighting, but never about anything of clear substance or value.
8. They stop listening
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Many of the common signs that a man has stopped loving his wife or lost attraction for her are subtle and hard to notice right away, especially amid the chaos of everyday life. However, things like poor listening skills, attention, and communication can quickly become a problem, making both partners feel less connected, heard, and valued.
Feeling heard and understood activates parts of your brain that boosts social connection, self-esteem, and generally positive emotions, according to a study from Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, so when a husband stops listening and making time to support his partner, it's more than just relationship satisfaction that falters.
9. They distract themselves with other relationships
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Whether he's spending more time talking to his friends on the phone or entertaining family members constantly at the house, husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives may avoid them at home by indulging other people. They're always making excuses for why they have to leave or hang out with other people, often at the expense of connection and quality time with their partners.
Like psychologist Mark Travers argues, "Quality time is all about giving undivided attention to your partner, whether you are on a walk, watching a movie, or simply sitting together. This is an important part of any relationship and it is necessary for maintaining intimacy."
So, the more a partner avoids quality time, the more unheard their partner feels, making intimacy less prioritized and connection more sabotaged for the entire couple.
10. They're secretive
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According to a study conducted by Talker Research, more than 60% of men keep financial secrets from their partners, but a man's secretive behavior in the face of lost attraction often stems farther than simply decisions and conversations about money.
From planning for the future, to checking in with their partner, and talking about their own days, husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives keep secrets and withhold information at home.
Especially alongside a loss of communication in a marriage, the burdens of secrets themselves can further isolate men from their partners — making them more irritable, resentful, and exhausted when they're at home. So, even if they started withholding the truth from their partners because of a loss of connection, keeping secrets and being dishonest only amplifies those struggles.
11. They're disrespectful
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Mutual respect is one of the necessary foundations of a healthy relationship, but husbands who are no longer attracted to their wives may overlook it in favor of their own comfort and convenience at home. Chances are, if you're feeling regularly disrespected, unprioritized, or unvalued at home, your partner doesn't care enough or feel empowered enough to offer respect to you — a symptom of lost romantic love and connection.
Of course, attraction means more than physical appearance, so if a husband is being more disrespectful or intentional in a relationship, it could be a sign that they are feeling unsupported in more personal and emotional ways.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
