Men Who Are Embarrassed By Their Wives In Public Often Say These 11 Things Out Loud
They're trying so hard to protect themselves from judgment.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Whether it's talking loudly in public, being rude to a service worker, or simply expressing big emotions in a public space, many partners find themselves subtly embarrassed in the face of their partner's actions and behaviors outside of the house. Of course, this embarrassment is often rooted in the "spotlight effect" — people believe that others perceive, judge, and notice them more often in public than they really do, especially if they already struggle with social anxiety or internal insecurities.
From trying to control their behavior to dismissing their excitement, men who are embarrassed by their wives in public often say these things out loud. They're not necessarily embarrassed by them as a separate entity, but rather view their wives as an extension of themselves — afraid of how they'll be perceived and criticized by others on the basis of their partner's behavior.
Here are 11 things men who are embarrassed by their wives in public often say out loud
1. 'She's always like this'
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To compensate for behaviors that embarrass them in public or spark their own internal insecurities, men who are embarrassed by their wives often say things like "she's always like this" out loud. Even at the expense of their partner's self-esteem or trust in a relationship, a man's insecurities can take over.
Especially for a person that already deals with self-consciousness, it makes sense that they'd use a phrase like this to dismiss or condemn their partner's flaws when they perceive them to reflect negatively on themselves, like a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin argues.
They're already in their head about how they're being perceived and overanalyzing other people's involvement in interactions and conversations, so phrases like this come naturally as a self-preservation technique.
2. 'Stop being so dramatic'
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According to a study from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, gendered stereotypes assume that women always exaggerate their experiences, emotions, and pain, while men tend to downplay them. Even if this behavior isn't common in a romantic relationship, it can influence the way an embarrassed man interacts with his partner in social situations.
Phrases like "stop being so dramatic" or "you're overreacting" are not only gaslighting tactics, they're also things men who are embarrassed by their wives in public say to dismiss their feelings and invalidate their experiences. Even if it's something as simple as calling out his behavior in a public setting, the shame and feelings of embarrassment that follow can be intense — sparking defensiveness, disconnection, and even depression.
3. 'Can you not do that here?'
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While being embarrassed in front of your partner can actually help couples to grow and evolve on a deeper level — sparking room for vulnerability, according to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula — being embarrassed of them and using phrases to condemn their behavior does quite the opposite.
Not only does one partner feel consistently unvalued and inadequate, it isolates the entire couple from true connection and intimacy, even when other people are around. That's why phrases like "Can you not do that here?" are so invalidating and unhealthy, no matter how innocent and subtle they seem at the moment.
Having a conversation around insecurities, boundaries, and needs at home is appropriate, but calling out behaviors, dismissing someone's emotions, and sparking self-doubt and insecurity in them is not.
4. 'Are you really going to wear that?'
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Of course, what we wear and our clothing styles often influence how other people perceive us, but they're also fundamental to self-expression and personal identity. If you have a strong sense of self and internal security, you wear what you want, regardless of other people's judgements or critiques.
However, if a partner starts to police what their wife is wearing or shows embarrassment for how she dresses, it can spark a lot of tension in a marriage and even self-esteem struggles for the targeted person. That's why seemingly innocent phrases like "Are you really going to wear that?" are so much more influential and powerful than they may come across — they're targeting a person's sense of self, not just their clothing or appearance.
If a partner is consistently embarrassed by how you present yourself or the clothes that make you feel fulfilled and empowered, it might be time to look at the health of the relationship as a whole, rather than changing your self-expression for another partner's comfort.
5. 'Just be normal, okay?'
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When someone holds their partner to strict standards and expectations in public, it often has less to do with their behavior and more to do with their own personal insecurities. If a partner says something like "just be normal" or "don't do that here," chances are they're more worried about how they'll be perceived as an extension of their partner.
Of course, policing someone else's behavior and expecting them to be a different person for your own comfort isn't sustainable long-term. If you can have a healthy conversation about embarrassing habits and personal insecurities in public, that's one thing, but if you're constantly feeling tense, disconnected, and resentful trying to police another, that's hard to ignore.
6. 'You're making a scene'
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People dealing with insecurity in their social relationships often struggle with inconsistency in social situations, according to experts from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology — grappling with self-doubt and embarrassment when things don't go exactly as they plan.
That's why men who are embarrassed by their wives in public often say things like "you're making a scene" out loud — they want to control the narrative of conversations, social interactions, and how they're perceived.
7. 'Calm down'
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Gaslighting behaviors — phrases like this one — are often subtle, but still have long-term term consequences like promoting depressive symptoms in partners and decreasing relationship well-being and satisfaction, like a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships argues.
Especially for already vulnerable people with low self-esteem, having a partner who regularly uses phrases like this and leverages subtle gaslighting behaviors to control their behavior can truly put their well-being at risk. Even if it seems innocent — like saying "calm down" when a partner is speaking excitedly in a conversation — it's harmful.
8. 'She's trying to be funny'
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Men who are embarrassed by their wives in public often say things like "she's just trying to be funny" or "don't mind her" to compensate for their own insecurities. They believe that making fun of their partner or offering little jabs in social situations will protect them from being judged alongside them — even at the expense of their own relationship well-being.
Compensation or "overcompensating" is a defense mechanism for their internal fears of rejection, embarrassment, and insecurity. They believe that furthering themselves from their partner and vocalizing judgements they perceive other people to be silently making will protect them from harm, although that's often far from the reality.
9. 'She's terrible with this stuff'
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Many men feel disconnected from their partners in romantic relationships when they don't believe that they're fulfilling the kind of stereotypical expectations, standards, and gendered roles that society crafts for them — from economic provider, to protector, and a million other things. They may be insecure about their income or their own sense of self-assuredness, so much so that they begin to pick apart and degrade their partners in public — sometimes entirely subconsciously — to compensate.
Even if they're not aware of it, these subtle phrases and harmful behaviors are meant to promote their own social perception, making them look more in control and dominant than they believe they are inside. "She's terrible with this stuff" or "she doesn't know how to act" are reflections of his internal insecurities, not necessarily his wife's competency.
10. 'You know how women are'
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By leveraging harmful gender stereotypes and expectations for his wife in public, an insecure man may feel more in control of his own social perception, even at the expense of trust, connection, and intimacy in his own relationship.
A phrase like "you know how women are" is the perfect embodiment of this insecurity — they try to get on "the same team" as the men around them to protect their ego, no matter how misguided and faulty that behavior really is.
11. 'Don't mind her'
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By putting his wife on the back-burner in conversations and trying to overcompensate for behaviors that he finds embarrassing in social situations, men further disconnect themselves from their wives. The kinds of conversations and vulnerability that's required to bridge the gap between their insecurities and honesty in marriage are subtly degraded by these seemingly innocent phrases.
"Don't mind her" is the perfect example of that — a man who is trying to dismiss and demean his partner for the sake of comfort, personal protection, or self-preservation.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
