8 Subtle Signs You And Your Partner Are Intellectually Compatible
Compatibility is about much more than attraction.
M_Agency | Shutterstock There's a lot of talk about opposites attracting, but study after study has shown that the key to a long-lasting relationship lies in similarity and shared goals. Intellectual compatibility sits right in the heart of this space, constantly ignored by prioritizing physical attractiveness.
Though the subtle signs you and your partner are intellectually compatible may not be obvious at first, if you feel these things when you're together, it indicates that you have quite a deep connection. And, as a result, your relationship will be built on values, knowledge, and understanding.
Here are 8 subtle signs you and your partner are intellectually compatible
1. You have the same values
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Your partner zoning out in front of the television while you read a book may not be a sign that there's a future, just one partner going on an insatiable quest for knowledge is a sure sign you're not on the same page. If one partner wants to spend the weekend at the museum while the other would much rather catch a movie, someone is going to be bored over time.
But in a relationship where both partners are intellectually compatible, it shows in the things that they value. Even if their interests don't mesh, they respect the other's hobbies. And that, in itself, is a sharing of values.
2. You learn from each other
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One of the most subtle signs you and your partner are intellectually compatible is that you continue to learn from each other. Take a look at any happy person and there's a very good chance they are in a constant state of progression. It's very rare that someone is happy sitting stagnant in purgatory while the world moves forward.
So, it's no surprise that studies, including one published in Developmental Psychology, have shown that couples who grow as a result of knowing their partner (which is called self-expansion) find themselves happier than those who don't.
3. You dream together
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Do the two of you sit and talk about your goals, dreams, and vision for the future? In sharing these things, you can gain a real understanding of who your partner is, how much they value expansion and exploration, and what matters most to them in terms of overall life satisfaction.
A person who talks about travel and discovering new foods is going to feel tied down with a homebody who always orders a different version of the same meal every time they go out. But couples who are intellectually compatible share some kind of similar version of how they see their future together playing out.
As relationship expert Barton Goldsmith put it, "Futurizing with your mate is a healthy activity that will make you both happier, because as you look at the future, you'll be creating things to look forward to, and that's where happiness comes from."
4. You have similar educational backgrounds
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Intelligence is incredibly attractive, as many studies and extensive research has shown. According to one study from Hong Kong, women were 40% less likely to be fulfilled if they were more educated than their husbands. And while neither you nor your partner need to be Einsteins, having similar educational backgrounds means you're better able to agree on certain things
Whether it's being in agreement on your respective careers, money, and expanding your worldviews, having similar educational backgrounds is yet another of the subtle signs you and your partner are intellectually compatible.
5. You have (or don't have) interest in current events
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There are some people who love to talk about the latest movie, technology trend, study, or political debate, and there are others who would rather watch television, chill out, and not want to fuel their anxiety about what's going on in the world. But if your idea of romance is arguing about why certain politicians are or are not the best person for the job, you're going to be put off by an apathetic partner.
Whether it comes to politics, the economy, or the overall state of the world, it's important to have a partner who shares the same priorities as you. Even if your partner doesn't like to oversaturate themselves with worldly events, them being open to discussions is still a great thing.
6. You can have real conversations
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Maybe your partner is witty and brilliant in conversations, and you find it fascinating to have a never-ending verbal ping-pong game. This kind of communication is healthy, as opposed to small talk, which doesn't lead to big leaps in relationships.
To know if you're intellectually compatible with someone, pay attention to the types of conversations you have. Do you only chat about the weather and your favorite movies, or do you bring up topics that challenge you each to think?
"In a world where genuine communication is often lacking, practicing deep listening can heal relationships, reduce conflict, and enhance emotional intimacy," researcher Guy Itzchakov revealed.
7. You have a similar sense of humor
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Loving funny movies or actors doesn't say anything about whether or not you and your partner are intellectually compatible. Though laughter is something that can mend the distance between two people, having completely opposite reasons to chuckle is going to get old. But having the same sense of humor can strengthen your relationship.
One study published in the Western Journal of Communication determined that a large majority (75%) of happy couples laugh together at least once per day. An additional study from the International Journal of Humor Research found that a whopping 92% of married couples say humor improved their relationship significantly
8. You feel like they just 'get' you
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Though it may feel obvious in your gut, another of the subtle signs you and your partner are intellectually compatible is feeling like they just truly understand you, no matter what is going on. Feeling understood is much different from feeling attracted to someone, and that is one of the defining factors of a great relationship.
Intellectual compatibility isn't just about sharing knowledge and having intense conversations; rather, that connection comes from a deeper level of compassion, respect, and consideration for your similarities and differences.
Brenda Della Casa is a self-development expert, writer, author, and speaker. Her articles and advice have been featured in Allure, Glamour, Men's Health, Huff Post, Cosmopolitan, and others.
