6 Relationship Habits That Seem Small But Significantly Boost Happiness, According To Psychology
Habits that can make a surprisingly huge difference in how your relationship feels.
Rido | Canva You have been in a healthy relationship for some time now, and everything seems to be going great. And, of course, you want it to stay that way because being in a happy relationship is a wonderful thing.
There are certain small components healthy relationships have, and not all couples are willing to do the work to maintain them. It is essential to pay attention and safeguard your relationship from what can tear you apart.
Here are six relationship habits that seem small but significantly boost happiness, according to psychology:
1. Practicing good communication
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Effective communication is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. We must tell our partners when they aren’t making us feel good. We must let our partners know how important they are to us. It is important we tell our partners how much we love them.
Many people find it almost impossible to be honest with their partners about how they are feeling. They are scared of making themselves vulnerable and afraid of the outcome.
A wife or girlfriend may feel like all of the hard work she and her partner put into saving their marriage is slipping away because he's busy at work and she's lonely. She may suggest to herself to go and find interests of her own.
But rather than doing this and giving up, she can communicate her needs, telling her partner she's worried the results of her hard work are slipping away.
Anyone should be honest with their partner about how they are feeling. And once they do, they can make plans together for the near and distant future, where all needs are met.
Some people prefer the communication to be direct, while others do better with indirect communication. A 2022 study explained the importance of harmony between communication styles for the quality of relationships.
2. Having inside jokes
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Happy couples are like little islands unto themselves. Sure, they have families and friends and jobs and responsibilities, but they also have things they only share: Inside jokes.
Imagine this. You and your spouse are at a family BBQ. Tensions are flying over something. Then, your father-in-law says something he always says that you and your spouse have whispered about in bed at night.
You meet eyes as the statement is made, and you just connect. You smile and nod and go on with the day with a warm feeling in your tummy. It is an inside joke you are all in on, and it feels good to belong.
Connection is what real love is about. And having a secret is also fun. Having an inside joke, or a combination of the two, is a great way to keep relationships healthy and fresh. A study in American Journal of Family Therapy showed how humor is a useful instrument for tapping into the health of a relationship, as well as giving insights into negative and positive relationship behaviors.
3. Keeping promises that are made
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Promises are usually made with such good intentions, but when they are broken, there can be disastrous consequences.
Promises are all about trust. If you make a promise and don’t keep it, trust is lost. It is better not to make a promise you can’t keep than continue to break one you do.
Let's say a person's boyfriend keeps promising his girlfriend she can meet his kids. However, every time a meeting is set up, there is always an excuse for why it can’t happen. Eventually, she may stop wanting to meet his kids and, ultimately, may no longer want to be with him. In this case, her trust in him is now lost.
After repeatedly making promises and not following through, there is no basis left in the relationship. And without trust, what is there? Make your promises carefully. Remember how important they are for maintaining trust and love.
A 2011 study demonstrated how "participants who were focused on their feelings for their partner promised more, whereas participants who generated a plan of self-regulation followed through more on their promises."
4. Not taking each other for granted
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Don’t take anyone for granted. That's true no matter what stage of your relationship you are in.
When we first fall in love, our attention is completely focused on one person. But as time goes by, we get distracted by life and we can start to neglect the one we love. We know they are there, and we assume they will always be there, so we stop tending the relationship. And the consequences can be disastrous.
For example, in couples where one partner may not always be so nice, they may still expect their partner to never leave them. They take their partner for granted and, while they may plan to change their awful behavior, they never quite follow through.
Would you expect that partner to stick around? Probably not. So pay attention to the person in bed next to you. One day they just might be gone, and where would you be then? "People who are more appreciative of their partners report being more responsive to their partners' needs, and are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time," explained a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
5. Spending quality time together
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Yes, we are all busy, with lots on our minds and all sorts of pressures. But it is important you take the time to spend quality time with your partner. Time spent together doing things you both love.
In a marriage or relationship, one partner may go to work while the other one takes care of the kids. Any free time is probably spent focused on family — so much so that there may be nothing left of the couple.
As a result, they stop being "the two of us" in a relationship; instead, they work parallel to each other, raising children and managing the business of the family. This means there isn't time carved out for moments together, and that can cause a real damper on any relationship.
Find something you both like to do together and do it together regularly. Don’t let love slip away in the hustle and bustle of life. "Couples who spend a larger proportion of their time together talking reported greater satisfaction, perceived more positive qualities in their relationships, and experienced greater closeness," advised research in Contemporary Family Therapy.
6. Making your partner a priority
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There are so many important things in our lives these days. Making money is one of the first things that comes to mind. Making sure our children grow into successful adults is another. And then there is exercise. And friends. And hobbies. And your phone.
All of these are important. But when you no longer have a partner, none of these things matter because you, well... you don’t have a partner. So make your partner your priority. Every day.
Work is important, but so is getting home for date night. A Saturday morning 15-mile run? Go for it, but if you could instead spend the morning alone with your spouse, consider it. The phone? Put it down. Consider all the good to come from making your spouse a priority.
Love is what makes the world go round, and it is important we recognize and take action to preserve it, no matter what. Couples must do what they need to keep their relationship healthy and happy forever.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
