11 Small Sacrifices Wives Make That Turn Into Big Regrets As The Years Go By
Sacrifice is part of a healthy relationship, but a loss of identity is not.
F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock While making sacrifices is a normal part of being married, there are times when one partner has had to let go of so much of themselves that they no longer have a good sense of their true identity. For women, especially, by the time she has second thoughts, it may be too late, because there are some small sacrifices wives make that turn into big regrets as the years go by
When a wife is overlooking her own needs, activities, and aspirations that make her who she is, she will eventually regret her actions, and the relationship will take a turn for the worse. When a person feels as though they have given so much of themselves away to something for so long, without getting that same energy in return, that's when resentment turns to regret.
Here are 11 small sacrifices wives make that turn into big regrets as the years go by
1. Not pursuing personal goals
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When a wife sacrifices her personal goals, she likely ends up regretting it in the future. Because when she no longer is pursuing anything for her own or personal growth, she may feel a lost sense of self and a diminished sense of self-worth.
She will start recognizing her originally unrealized potential, and begin noticing all the opportunities she has missed to reach her goals. Unfortunately, by this point, it's often too late or difficult to make a big change.
"When people look back on their lives and realize they haven't pursued their passions or taken the necessary steps to reach their goals, it often results in feelings of regret. This regret can contribute to a sense of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction with one's life choices," explained experts from productivity company Habit10x.
2. Not prioritizing her needs and well-being
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One of the small sacrifices wives make that turn into big regrets as the years go by is not putting her needs and well-being first. Perhaps she always puts her husband or children first, neglecting herself in the process.
If her partner also fails to provide her what she needs, the relationship will have a lot of resentment. She will regret not valuing herself more, choosing instead to put their needs first despite feeling unappreciated in return.
According to psychotherapist Quentin Holt, "The partner who prioritizes their needs may become used to the self-sacrificing partner's actions and behaviors. The self-sacrificing partner may, over time, develop resentment, envy, and shame. They may resent their partner for not noticing how much they sacrifice and place their needs secondary."
3. Neglecting social connections
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A wife who neglects her social connections may find herself feeling lonely later in life. While it's unhealthy to completely depend on one person for everything, there's a positive effect that comes from developing friendships outside of a relationship.
"Dependency in a relationship is when partners move beyond simply turning to each other for support to expecting your partner(s) to meet all of your emotional needs. When partners are not able to do this for one another, it can throw the relationship into a tailspin and leave one or both partners feeling dysregulated," licensed professional counselor Jodi Clarke explained.
Building relationships outside of a marriage allows partners to have more support in their lives. And when a wife like this realizes her husband is unable to constantly meet every single one of her emotional needs, she likely will feel regret towards this.
4. Taking all responsibility
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When a wife sacrifices accepting help when it comes to taking care of emotional and physical responsibilities, it's only a matter of time until she regrets doing so. Taking on all the responsibility in her marriage or household will leave her feeling overwhelmed and burnt out from having to carry the weight of everything on her shoulders.
When a wife has to take it all on, often expending emotional labor that remains unseen, she has less time to focus on her own aspirations and needs. And according to a 2023 study, women who sacrifice their work to take on higher family-role overload tend to experience greater regret from making that sacrifice than men do.
5. Not having hobbies or passions
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Sacrificing her hobbies and passions causes a woman to start feeling defined by her roles as a wife or mother, rather than by her interests and personality. She will likely start feeling regret as a result, because she wants to regain her sense of identity.
"When you lose your identity and sense of self when you are married, the loss can often manifest itself in the roles that you play as a husband or a wife, a mother or a father, the breadwinner or the homemaker. You begin to feel like that 'role' is all you are being seen as," divorce mediator Colleen McNamee said.
6. Being financially dependent
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Financial independence is one of the unfortunate small sacrifices wives make that turn into big regrets as the years go by. A sacrifice like this could potentially leave her financially vulnerable and subject to being controlled by her partner.
As psychotherapist Joyce Marter explained, "When one partner is financially literate, and one is not, it can influence power and control within the relationship. The ripple effect causes stress in the marriage, often leading to divorce. Fights about money are the second leading cause of divorce."
7. Not communicating her feelings
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As a wife's emotions build up inside her, she eventually feels too overwhelmed by them and it may cause her to resent her partner, lose her sense of identity, and want to emotionally distance herself.
"Chronically suppressing emotions can make you feel more distant and resentful. When you chronically don't express what you feel, you are expecting your partner to be a mind reader and depriving them of the opportunity to change their behavior or give you support," psychologist Melanie Greenberg revealed.
A wife coming to the realization that she has been suppressing her feelings will make her regret the sacrifice she made long ago, realizing that her partner wasn't able to meet her needs because of that.
8. Failing to establish healthy boundaries
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After a long time of not establishing healthy boundaries, it can take its toll. Without boundaries, which is another of the small sacrifices wives make that turn into big regrets as the years go by, she might feel taken advantage of by her partner.
According to wellness author Melissa Urban, "Boundaries allow those who care about us to support us in the way we want to be supported. They provide a clear line between what we find helpful and harmful, so people don't have to try to read our minds."
A wife will regret not setting boundaries much sooner. Because that lack of boundaries in her marriage will only create more pain and misunderstandings with her partner.
9. Ignoring her intuition
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If a wife chooses to sacrifice listening to her intuition, it's something she will deeply regret later on. By ignoring her gut, she likely missed out on certain opportunities and overlooked many of her values.
If she begins feeling like she has missed out on taking certain paths that would have lifted up her personal values and goals, she may resent the decisions she made. And this resentment can greatly affect not only her sense of self, but her marriage as well.
10. Making compromises too often
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An imbalance in giving in her marriage, compromising on more than she deserves, will make a wife feel dissatisfied and like her needs are never being met. But each partner in a marriage should be making an even amount of compromises; otherwise, one partner feels like it's unfair.
As social-personality psychologist Amie M. Gordon revealed, "Although close relationships require that you give when giving is needed, it doesn't mean you and your partner can't make an arrangement that suits both of you. For example, you can work it out so that you eat at the restaurant you want, and go to the movie your partner wants to see. This may even work for the bigger sacrifices."
11. Not investing in her own personal growth
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If a wife has sacrificed her personal growth for her marriage, it becomes a deep regret as time goes by. A loss of identity can create resentment, which may come out as frustration toward her partner.
For a wife, it's important for her to consider the decisions she makes, especially because it can have long-lasting effects on her self-esteem and in her marriage. Nobody wants to live with regrets, after all.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
