Narcissistic Men Almost Always Demand These 11 Specific Things Of The People They Supposedly Love
dabyki.nadya | Shutterstock Love involving a narcissistic man can feel complicated and extremely exhausting. They're quite good at being able to make a relationship feel exciting at first. You may feel as if you've found your perfect partner, but beneath all of that charm are often unspoken expectations they have for you. Whether it's complete loyalty or unconditional forgiveness, narcissistic men almost always demand these specific things of the people they supposedly love, even though it's really just about feeding his own ego.
As psychologist Mark Travers pointed out, being able to understand how a narcissist loves is usually the first step people can use to help themselves from mistaking their manipulation as any kind of affection. Narcissistic men have a way of making small demands that feel normal, like it's just a part of loving them; however, these little requests have a way of piling up and, before you know it, you're the one having to bend over backwards just to keep the peace. There's nothing about these demands that exhibit love. So, the more familiar you are with these behaviors, the better you'll be able to disengage and take your power back.
Narcissistic men almost always demand these 11 specific things of the people they supposedly love
1. Constant validation
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Narcissistic men are always demanding some kind of praise and attention. They need you to constantly tell them how smart and successful they are, or how much you're attracted to them. It isn't just about wanting to be flattered, either.
"We all occasionally use other people to perform functions for us, such as cheering us up, reassuring us that our outfit looks good, and applauding our successes. However, people with narcissistic personality disorder take this to another level. They are almost entirely dependent on the people around them to validate their worth," explained therapist Elinor Greenberg.
It's usually because they have such fragile self-esteem and rely on other people's validation to lift them up. It's not that a little compliment here and there will be satisfactory enough. He wants it all of the time. He wants your attention to solely rest on him.
2. Being the first to say sorry
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Whether it's their partner apologizing first or admitting to being wrong, narcissistic men almost always demand these specific things of the people they supposedly love. It doesn't matter who's really at fault, they expect you to say sorry, not him.
A narcissistic man will never utter the words "I'm sorry," and if he does, it's usually followed by it somehow still being your fault that they reacted in that way. Even the most minor of disagreements can turn into some kind of test of you having to admit wrongdoing against them.
Your feelings are always considered secondary in their minds. And your only job is to make them feel better, not the other way around. They just want to be able to control the narrative and that means framing themselves as the victim in every single scenario.
3. Reading their mind
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Narcissistic men truly think that people should just be able to read their minds to figure out what it is they want. They expect people to know without ever being able to say a single word. If you even misinterpret how they're feeling or what they're trying to do, suddenly you're at fault for being unaware and thoughtless.
They aren't looking for any kind of genuine connection or even healthy communication. Instead, they just want people to bend to their own needs. You're constantly having to walk on eggshells around them because you're not able to predict their next move. They'll quickly make you feel guilty or accuse you of being selfish.
4. Total obedience
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Men who are narcissists expect people to follow all of their rules without any question, especially in a relationship with someone they supposedly love. They treat your autonomy as something that's optional. It's as if your opinion doesn't matter in the slightest. Every choice they make is something they want others to directly align with. They aren't looking for opinions or any kind of compromise.
"Narcissists do not succeed because they are smarter, wiser, or more capable than others. Often enough they are not. They succeed because their behavior exploits blind spots — both in human psychology and understanding as well as the systems designed to protect us," body language expert Joe Navarro explained.
You're constantly having to check in with them before doing anything, as if your own independence will sudden become a trigger for them. Narcissistic men thrive on being able to have control over anyone and anything. They expect you to think the way they think and respond exactly in the way that they want you to.
5. Feeling guilty for having boundaries
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The second you try and put your foot down with a narcissistic man, they'll immediately make you feel guilty for having these boundaries in the first place. They expect you to always sacrifice your own well-being for the sake of theirs. Even if you've reached your limit and are starting to feel overwhelmed, that doesn't matter to them.
A simple night of needing alone time will send them into a tailspin where they take out their insecurities on you. When your needs aren't being met in a relationship, you'll start to question if they're legitimate or if you're just asking for too much. A narcissistic man never wants you to put yourself over him. Instead, he wants you to feel obligated to meet his needs and his boundaries.
6. Always being cheerful around them
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Narcissistic men expect and demand that everyone around them radiate happiness and joy. Even when they're actually just causing constant misery, they want a smiling and enthusiastic partner at all times. If your mood even dips slightly, it can suddenly trigger them to verbally and emotionally attack you.
They'll make it seem as if you're being too dramatic or sensitive. That's because it's all about being able to feed their ego. They want to be surrounded by energy that validates their sense of importance. Your genuine emotions are not important to them at all unless it's helping maintain this fantasy they have.
7. Unquestioning loyalty
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Loyalty is one of the biggest things narcissistic men almost always demand of the people they supposedly love. It's not about just sticking with them through the tough times. It's about proving constantly that you exist purely to stroke their ego and help protect their image. They expect you to defend them no matter what, even when they're clearly the ones in the wrong.
"Rather than aim for meaningful achievements and genuinely intimate relationships that could effectively resolve their self-doubts, they choose instead to center their attention on fostering a false sense of superiority over everyone else," pointed out clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer.
It's because they don't want to have to confront a single mistake that they've made. They want to live in complete oblivion to ever being in the wrong, and that includes having people in their corner who will feed into that delusion. Narcissistic men expect the people they supposedly love to be their support, and prioritize everything and anything that relates back to them.
8. Immediate attention
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The second that a narcissistic man is calling or trying to get your attention in any way, they expect you to drop everything to answer and be there for them. It doesn't matter if you're in the middle of work or at an important appointment, they expect your full focus to be on them, right now.
"The most important person in the life of a narcissist is the narcissist. They can temporarily put others ahead of themselves, but only when they somehow benefit from it. Children, partners, friends, even coworkers are often allowed in the narcissist’s orbit only for their own personal gain," insisted certified life coach Kristy Lee Parkin.
Any delay, even if it's by a few minutes, can end up making them frustrated and they'll take that frustration out on other people. They'll twist it into being that you're not prioritizing them. They don't care if you have your own life and needs. They would much rather prefer, instead, if your needs directly aligned with theirs and only theirs.
9. Remembering every story they tell
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Whether it's remembering a story about how he landed his dream job or how he's wonderful in every way, narcissistic men almost always demand these specific things of the people they supposedly love. They often share story after story, expecting you to recall the events perfectly down the line when they ask again.
Forgetting even the smallest of details can suddenly cause them to act out and direct their irritation onto you. Even if you've already shown interest in their story, they expect you to have that same reaction when they eventually tell the story again.
If your response feels even the least bit disinterested, it'll be interpreted as a sign of disrespect in their minds. They want you to prove that you're attentive and devoted to them at all times, even if they don't express that same thing towards you.
10. Unconditional forgiveness
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It doesn't matter how hurtful their actions were, narcissists expect you to completely forgive them. They won't ever apologize though, even if their actions or words have deeply hurt you. Instead, they'll move on as if nothing has happened and they expect for you to do the same exact thing.
"For many narcissists, conflict resolution and communication are often games to win, and humility and self-reflexivity are seen as liabilities," said therapist Araya Baker.
The second you try to bring up their past actions, they'll quickly double down and divert the conversation onto something else. Or, they'll make it out to be as if you caused them to say or do that hurtful thing by your own actions. Your hurt feelings don't matter to them because they don't want to have to look inward and figure out how they might actually be the problem.
11. Never challenging their authority
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Narcissistic men expect you to never question their decisions and ideas. They want you to just blindly accept them, even when you can clearly see problems with their perspective. Questioning them or even trying to offer an alternate choice is viewed as being disloyal in their eyes. They want you to just start defaulting to whatever keeps them happy, even if that goes against what makes you happy in the long run.
As hypnotherapist Claire Jack revealed, "Narcissists tend to be extraordinarily needy people. They often measure their actions by the response of other people and are frequently looking for external validation. Anyone who is closely involved with a narcissist can be drawn into meeting their needs."
It can feel as if you're just constantly under their control, even in areas where it should be a collaborative effort. Your autonomy becomes secondary to what they want, and your ideas are seen as not being good enough. That kind of dynamic means you eventually just stop speaking your mind altogether.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
