A Person Who Does These 11 Things While Talking To You Is Almost Always More Narcissistic Than You Realize
Rocketclips, Inc. / Shutterstock Sometimes we have conversations with people that leave us feeling drained or frustrated. It can be hard to put your finger on why that is. Most people wouldn't immediately jump to narcissism as a reason. We mostly think narcissistic behavior is someone being full of themselves, arrogant, and always trying to control the outcome. People don't always realize that they've been interacting with a narcissistic person because they may not recognize the other patterns. Narcissists are often excellent at disguising their selfish behavior.
They come across as being charming and friendly, which is why it takes so long to notice the signs, because you aren't really knowing what to look for. As explained by Nina W. Brown, Ed.D., these individuals will "agree with your opinions and seem interested in you," which is why people are usually entranced by them at first. But repeated patterns usually show their true colors. Honestly, once you start to notice, it's hard to ignore. Recognizing the signs can save a lot of mental energy and give you an advantage in handling these interactions.
A person who does these 11 things while talking to you is almost always more narcissistic than you realize
1. They constantly redirect the conversation back to themselves
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Narcissistic people often have a way of twisting every topic back to themselves. It doesn't matter what it is. They'll leave very little room for others to share and be heard. Suddenly, the focus isn't on your own experience at all. It's now all about them. Being in this kind of interaction makes it hard for you to share, and you start to think that your stories aren't worth sharing at all.
"Premature relating can disrupt the flow of energy, shifting the focus onto the listener and redirecting the conversation away from the speaker's narrative," explained psychotherapist Leah Marone, LCSW.
They may act genuinely interested at first, nodding and smiling while you talk. But in reality, they're just waiting for the perfect moment to interject. It can make anyone feel invisible. Just because they're not outright insulting you doesn't mean they're not being disrespectful.
2. They rarely apologize
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Even when they're confronted with clear evidence that they're wrong, they'll still find ways to justify their mistakes or even shift the blame to others. They are trying to protect their self-image at all costs, even at the expense of ruining the trust others have in them.
"It is inevitable that you will make wrong decisions in your life, including ones that harm others as well as yourself. Ironically, it’s when you acknowledge your weakness by admitting to wrongdoing that you show your strongest side," insisted psychology expert Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.
The situation doesn't get resolved properly when someone refuses to acknowledge what they've done wrong. Narcissistic people often care more about their pride or ego than about making things right. It can become exhausting to be in any kind of conversation with someone who can't meet you halfway at all. Instead, they dig their heels in and admit that they've done nothing wrong.
3. They constantly seek validation
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These individuals are almost always fishing for compliments or reminding everyone of their accomplishments. This is because their self-esteem usually depends heavily on the approval of others rather than finding that confidence in themselves. It's not even that they need recognition; it's like their entire mood and sense of self depend entirely on it.
"Validation is part of being interdependent and relying on the feedback and encouragement of others around us. Even very independent people still need validation in some aspects of their life; however, they are also able to accept their own self-validation if they do not get it from someone else," pointed out licensed psychotherapist Sherry Gaba, LCSW.
They rely on that external approval to feel worthy, rather than finding that worthiness within themselves. It also makes them incredibly sensitive to any form of criticism. They take it personally, even when the person saying it is saying it from a place of love and wanting to see them do better.
4. They make everything a competition
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No matter the context, they will turn every conversation into a chance to win. It's about proving that they're the smartest person in the room time and time again. You might catch yourself laughing along at first, only to realize that they're trying to assert superiority.
"Unhealthy competitiveness can be driven by a need to outperform others at all costs. It can lead to unethical behavior, such as cheating or sabotage, and can create stress, anxiety, and strained relationships. Unhealthy competitiveness can result from insecurities, fear of failure, or a desire for external validation," said counselor Stephanie A. Sarkis, Ph.D.
It can be exhausting to be on the receiving end of that all of the time. Every conversation becomes less about connecting and more about measuring who is coming out on top. Anytime you feel excited or proud about something, here comes this narcissistic individual trying to overshadow your good news with their own.
5. They make you feel guilty for not reacting enough
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Once they start telling a story, no matter what it is, they expect the people listening to have the most outrageous reaction. Even if you smile a little or you're nodding along, clearly listening and intrigued, it may not be enough for them. Making you feel guilty for not performing in the way that they want you to is a form of emotional manipulation.
They're trying to control your own emotions rather than letting a conversation feel relaxed. They feel your lack of reaction is somehow offensive and take it quite personally, even when it's not. Being on the receiving end means you find yourself apologizing for just being a person and for processing things at your own pace.
6. They make a big deal out of nothing
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These are the people who turn the tiniest bump in the road into something major. It's never anything small with them. Everything has to be exaggerated and blown way out of proportion. These individuals make everyone around them feel as if they're the problem or fail to see that a situation is serious, even when it may not be.
The size of the problem doesn't really matter. It's just how much attention they can get from it that matters to them. The smallest blip can quickly turn into the most dramatic moment ever, making conversations with them feel exhausting and overwhelming.
7. They pretend to forget problems selectively
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Dealing with someone who is constantly doing this in conversation can feel quite frustrating. At first, it might seem innocent. They may act apologetic and shrug it off as an accident. But after some time, you start to notice the pattern of them expertly forgetting their own promises. You slowly become the one who is constantly readjusting your expectations because they can't seem to keep their word.
And even when you're politely reminding them, you're met with excuses rather than actual accountability. That forgetfulness is under control. By pretending to forget their promises, they get to decide just how and when they actually want to engage with the things being asked of them.
8. They frequently rehash old arguments
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Even after a disagreement is supposedly over, these individuals find a way to bring it back up. This habit is rarely about seeking a resolution, either. They're not bringing it up for clarification or to fix anything. They just want to keep the upper hand and assert that they were right all along.
Because of that, you feel like you constantly have to be walking on eggshells around them, wondering if something from weeks ago is going to resurface at the drop of a hat. Even the smallest disagreements can turn into a big conflict with them. It's draining to have any sort of conversation with them at all.
9. They make you feel wrong for having different opinions
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Instead of actually having a normal back-and-forth with these individuals, they have to make it a big deal when your opinion doesn't align with theirs. They aren't even just disagreeing. They're trying to position themselves as being the authority when they're not at all. Everyone is entitled to their own perspectives and thoughts.
When a narcissistic individual constantly talks over you and tries to pile on facts to prove that their opinion matters more, it starts to become less of a healthy discussion and more of a targeted argument. Now you're left in a position where you may hesitate to share what you really think for fear of pushback rather than understanding.
10. They talk over you consistently
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You can never seem to get a word out in their presence. They'll just barrel right over you and act as if you're in the wrong for feeling offended by that. It doesn't usually feel like a conversation anymore when it happens repeatedly. Even if they apologize, it's not sincere because they then turn around and do it again and again.
"You have choices to make if you are interrupted. You can let it go and follow the flow of the conversation, wait for your moment to come back to your point, or call out the behaviour immediately. The latter choice obviously risks conflict, but might be necessary if you want your ideas to be taken seriously," encouraged relationship expert Andy Lopata.
You can never actually get your point out because they'll interject so quickly. It also shows they're not really listening to you either. Anyone who is always butting in is usually just waiting for their turn to speak rather than taking in what the other person is saying.
11. They disguise envy as criticism
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The moment that you share any semblance of good news, it might be completely overshadowed by the sudden criticism that a narcissistic individual will say. It might sound like advice or even come from a place of genuine concern, but it's still uncalled for.
"The implication for recognizing envy in others is that they probably aren't known as bullies. Instead, their envy may manifest as a reaction to you that often seems totally out of character. In social settings, you’ve probably never seen them bully others, and they might even treat you cordially. However, you might also notice that a switch flips when others shower you with attention," said therapist Araya Baker.
They always claim that they were just trying to be of service, but genuine feedback shouldn't be delivered in a way that makes someone feel small. They rarely ever celebrate the moment with you. Instead, they launch into what you could've done better or question if that was a good idea or not. Your wins just become a way for them to poke at you a little.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
