If He Does These 5 Little Things, You’re Not As Important To Him As You Think
Agung Pratama | Pexels Our relationship may have failed in the end, but I pride myself on knowing that I tried. I gave my all. I’ve sacrificed my energy, my rules, and my heart, putting everything on the line for someone who saw me only as an option.
I was ready for a marathon, but now I see that it was more like a sprint, a mad dash to get away. It’s time to run as far away as I can before I give any more energy to someone who doesn’t return the favor.
It’s time to escape before I lose more of myself to someone who doesn’t see my value. I need to leave before I compromise any more of my worth, giving in to someone who doesn’t see what I truly have to offer.
I had to fly away before I found myself in the thick of it all with someone who didn’t respect me enough to see how his actions were wrong. While losing him hurt for a moment, it is so much easier to see the positive now that the fog has cleared. I should have run long before he chose for me.
But, I’m here now to share this with you: you are enough, even if he doesn’t make you feel that way. There are little things to look for that suggest that you're not as important to him as you think, and ways to know it’s time to run for the door and never look back. These are all reasons why you should bolt and do it fast.
If he does these 5 little things, you’re not as important to him as you think:
1. He makes you feel like you’re too difficult to love
Everyone is worthy of love. Everyone deserves the right to speak their truth and voice their emotions. While he may not listen or believe what you’re feeling, your feelings belong to you.
If you feel like something is wrong, and he isn’t helping make things better, then there’s something wrong with him. When you feel like you’re going above and beyond for someone who doesn’t care, then it’s time to walk away.
If you feel like you’re the one always asking for more, but he’s giving you nothing but excuses … seriously, run. A study found that when someone constantly dismisses or minimizes your emotions, it actually predicts depression and anxiety on a clinical level, no matter how emotionally strong you are going in.
2. He says you’re asking too much just by requesting the bare minimum
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You’re worth more than begging for his attention. You shouldn’t have to plead just so he will ask about your day. You’re well above getting on your hands and knees to ask him to notice you outside of the bedroom.
He shouldn’t need reminders to treat you with respect and common decency. Relationships require give and take, so if he is taking everything from you but giving nothing in return… then, run.
Life coach Ronnie Ann Ryan explains, "You deserve a balanced, enriching relationship with reciprocity. That means whatever you do for a guy, he returns the favor. Maybe not in the same way, but at least you won't be the only one giving."
3. He makes you feel insecure
God made everyone differently for a reason. Your mold might not fit into his definition of “appealing to the eye,” but that’s okay. You weren’t made to be beautiful for him; you were made to be beautiful for you.
All that matters is what you see in the mirror and feel in your heart that makes you happy. To the right person, it won’t matter what you look like on the outside; it will matter what your heart’s like. If you find him criticizing your appearance or trying to change the way you look… that’s a sure sign that you need to run.
Researchers conducted a study where people in relationships were exposed to either a compliment, a criticism, or no comment at all from their partner about their body. Those who received the criticism showed a measurable spike in body dissatisfaction and a drop in body compassion, proving that the person who's supposed to make you feel safest can do the most damage with just a few careless words.
4. He makes you feel as though you’re not good enough
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Everyone is worthy of consideration and decency. If he makes you feel as though you’re not good enough for a committed relationship or even common courtesy, then he’s the one who shouldn’t be committing. When he makes you feel as though you should be bending over backward for his love, but doesn’t feel the need to do the same for you, then he doesn’t deserve your love anyway.
If he makes you feel as though your values and beliefs are not worth his time, then he’s not worth listening to, either. When he seems insecure but takes those feelings out on you, he isn’t worthy of your time, energy, or love. He’s the one who isn’t good enough.
You’re not overthinking it… just run. Relationship therapist Nancy Carbone explains that "toxic people project their sense of inadequacies onto others, by finding things wrong with them or finding fault in them to make themselves feel better."
5. He makes you feel as though you’re the one in the wrong every time
Trust me; things will never change. He will never see the error in his ways and will always choose to blame you for it all. He will continue to make you think that you are the one who is messing everything up.
Even when the sky is blue, he will angrily continue to say that it is red, because, in his mind, he is the one who is always right. He will continue to take his rage out on you because you’re always there. He’ll continue to project his self-hatred onto you because you have everything he wants and give in to his requests every time.
He will continue to mentally twist events to put them back in his favor. He’ll always play the victim, but you’re the lucky one now because you see the truth. You have the option to run. Research from Walden University found that people who received invalidating feedback about their own emotions scored significantly lower on emotional self-efficacy.
He may choose to play the victim of his own life, but you don’t need to be the victim of yours. You’re a warrior. You are strong. You’re confident. You are beautiful. You’re worthy of someone who will put equal effort into a relationship.
You deserve someone who isn’t afraid of labels and will admit when they are wrong. You’re worthy of someone who considers your feelings and acknowledges your presence in their world.
You deserve someone who will see all of your beauty and appreciate everything that you have to offer. You’re worthy of someone who cares and doesn’t make you question yourself.
You were fine before him, and you will continue to be fine after you run. The most important thing to remember is that you’re enough.
Kristen Buccigrossi is a writer and Pittsburgh on-air radio personality whose work has been published in Huffington Post, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, YourTango, and Unwritten.
