If Your Husband Uses These 11 Phrases, He's Likely Not A Very Good Person
Men who subject their wives to consistently disrespect behavior are lacking some core values.
Mix and Match Studio / Shutterstock While typical relationship red flags, like showing up late, refusing to apologize, and gaslighting, can be signs of a deeper struggle with insecurity or shame, if they’ve become deeply ingrained in a relationship, they could also be a representation of one partner’s effort. Whether it’s something like “you’re so needy” or “I’m just joking,” if your husband uses these phrases, he’s likely not a very good person.
You have the power over what you choose to tolerate and keep in your life. So, if you’re considering the health of your relationship or how loved you feel around your husband, and it’s only bringing up feelings of dread, consider that a sign that you’re likely not with the right person.
If your husband uses these 11 phrases, he’s likely not a very good person
1. ‘It’s just a joke’
Kateryna Onyshchuk | Shutterstock.com
If someone regularly hurts your feelings, only to backtrack and try to avoid accountability, chances are they didn’t put a lot of thought or effort into making you feel heard in the first place. That’s why your husband is likely not a good person if he’s constantly using phrases like “it’s just a joke” to make excuses for his shady, mean, and rude behavior.
Humor is great for a lot of things, from de-escalating conflict to making people feel closer, but when it’s weaponized to shield manipulators from taking accountability, it’s far more harmful.
2. ‘I didn’t mean it like that’
Lightfield Studios | Shutterstock.com
When a healthy partner hurts your feelings, disrespects you, or makes a mistake, the first thing they do is apologize and take accountability. They may not agree with you on everything, but they’ll make space to support you emotionally. However, if your husband uses a phrase like “I didn’t mean it like that,” he’s likely not a very good person.
According to a study published in the Psychological Reports journal, women who are consistently emotionally invalidated in their relationships not only experience greater psychological distress, but their relationship satisfaction also worsens. So, if your husband is invalidating and disrespecting you on a regular basis, consider it a sign that you should start advocating and protecting yourself with space and intention.
3. ‘You’re always so dramatic’
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock.com
Gaslighting someone with a phrase like “you’re so dramatic” is straight out of “Manipulation 101,” yet alongside the veil of a relationship and a person’s emotional investment in a partner, it can be difficult to acknowledge when these actions are truly harmful.
If your husband uses phrases like “you’re overreacting” or “you’re always so dramatic,” especially in ways that make you feel more alone, isolated, and unheard, chances are he’s not a very good person. Either he’s compensating for insecurities of his own, or he’s intentionally weaponizing your insecurities by suggesting that you’re “too much” or “too needy.”
4. ‘I’m just telling it like it is’
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock.com
By hiding under the guise of “brutal honesty” or “being blunt,” manipulative people feel like they can hurt people and be manipulative without adopting any of the accountability that follows. They can disguise their passive-aggressiveness, hurtful remarks, and manipulative behaviors in a way that makes their victim feel guilty or ashamed.
If your husband uses phrases like “I’m just telling it like it is,” but you still feel consistently hurt, unseen, or disrespected, he’s likely not a very good person.
5. ‘Why are you so needy?’
Dusan Petkovic | Shutterstock.com
Partners who don’t truly care about supporting their partner’s needs or showing up for them often use phrases like “you’re so needy” to undermine and dismiss their emotions. Even in necessary conversations, where a wife is asking for genuine support or affection, they’ll frame her needs as “too much” or “unrealistic” to avoid putting in effort.
According to psychologist Craig Malkin, “neediness” in relationships is often rooted in fear of rejection or abandonment. They overcompensate for fears that their needs will go unmet. However, when their partner is already disconnected and disengaged, phrases like this can make even the most mundane expressions of needs feel like a miracle to achieve.
6. ‘After everything I’ve done for you’
PeopleImages | Shutterstock.com
According to mental health expert Jamie Cannon, guilt and shame are powerful emotions, which is why they tend to be powerful tactics for manipulative people to get what they want. By shifting blame away from their own actions and guilt-tripping their partners with phrases like “after everything I’ve done for you,” they can be manipulative without any added accountability.
If your husband uses these phrases, he’s likely not a very good person, because manipulative behaviors like these aren’t just disconnected. They’re also often targeted.
7. ‘Nobody else would believe you’
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock.com
According to a 2013 study, there are many ways that emotional manipulation shows up in long-term relationships, from degradation to gaslighting and, more subtly, isolation. To weaponize your insecurities against you and to ensure you’re reliant on them no matter what, they isolate you from other people in your life.
So, even if phrases like “nobody else would believe you” or “I’m the only person who cares about you” seem offensive, but subtly innocent, they’re actually manipulative tactics that prove a husband is not a very good person.
8. ‘I’m not talking about that’
PeopleImages | Shutterstock.com
Partners’ emotional availability plays into the health of any relationship, according to a study published in Frontiers in Psychiatry, but that doesn’t mean that anyone who doesn’t have it is inherently a bad person. In fact, many people, especially men, who deal with social stigmas and pressures, struggle with being emotionally open and vulnerable in their relationships.
However, if your husband uses a phrase like “I’m not talking about that” constantly to avoid opening up, having hard conversations, and growing together as a couple, it could be a sign that he’s not a very good person.
9. ‘You’re imagining things’
MDV Edwards | Shutterstock.com
While a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships argues that men face gaslighting behaviors more than women, despite social norms that tend to be hyper-critical of male vulnerability, it can also be a behavior that manipulative husbands use to assert their dominance.
By sparking self-doubt, insecurity, and fear in their wives, they gain more control over their actions, influencing how they interact with others, shape their routines, and even take care of themselves. By using a phrase like “you’re imagining things,” they can dodge accountability and make themselves the victim, even if it doesn’t seem obvious that they’re being manipulative in the moment.
10. ‘I’m never enough for you’
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock.com
Rather than having open conversations about how they can improve in their relationships and work as a team to be better in the future, men who are secretly bad people instead blame their wives for expressing concerns. When they’re having arguments or trying to work through issues, they blame-shift to make themselves the victim, ignoring the concern at hand.
So, if your husband uses phrases like “I’ll never be enough for you,” chances are he’s less concerned with being truly heard and more concerned with covering his lack of engagement and effort.
11. ‘Why can’t you be more like her?’
Face Stock | Shutterstock.com
Comparison culture already plays a large role in harming people’s mental health in the modern world, especially alongside social media usage and online accessibility. Everyone has access to compare themselves to curated social media feeds and friends online whenever they’d like, which can spark mental health concerns, social isolation, and low self-esteem.
However, when a man uses comparison culture to control or shame his partner, comparing her to other women or relationships, it becomes more manipulative than self-blaming. It’s a way for him to weaponize his partner’s insecurities, which is why it’s also a sign that he’s not a very good person.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
