If A Man Says These 11 Phrases Often, He's Probably Exhausting To Deal With
PeopleImages | Shutterstock While noticing emotional manipulation and toxic people in your life can be a struggle, especially when you’re already caught up in the web of their disorienting tactics, psychologist Amy Morin argues that you’ll often feel drained around these people. Having to walk on eggshells, avoid emotional “landmines,” and deal with shame weaponized by this person will leave you consistently exhausted and drained. Notice who brings up these emotions inside of you.
Even in subtle conversations, if a man says these specific phrases often, he’s probably exhausting to deal with. His exact guilt-tripping behaviors and insecure communication styles will eventually make themselves known to you, but at the beginning, red flags lie in your mood and emotions when you’re in physical proximity with these men.
If a man says these 11 phrases often, he’s probably exhausting to deal with
1. ‘I’m always the bad guy’
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Men who consistently play the victim in their relationships and personal lives struggle with accountability, but they don’t often realize that running from it invalidates the people around them. Weaknesses and apologies can actually strengthen relationships if they’re met with self-compassion and grace, but these men, who are exhausting to be around, prefer to run away from them.
“I’m always the bad guy” is just one way that these men often exhaust the people around them. They cling to their chronic sense of victimhood, even when they’re the ones harming relationships and hurting other people.
2. ‘That’s not what I meant’
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When an emotionally intelligent man accidentally hurts someone’s feelings, they’re not afraid to apologize and create space for accountability — even if they know deep down that it was entirely unintentional. However, men who are exhausting to be around and who refuse to be “wrong” often run from accountability and use phrases like “that’s not what I meant” that invalidate the people around them.
Instead of being intentional with their words and leaning with empathy from the start, these men backtrack, invalidate, and run away from the pieces of emotional connection that craft truly healthy relationships. Of course, all that running and deflecting is exhausting — for everyone involved.
3. ‘You’re reading into it too much’
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According to clinical psychologist Joni E. Johnston, gaslighting often rewires the victim’s brain, prompting more self-doubt and changing their sense of reality as they navigate life. So, it’s not surprising that phrases like “you’re reading into it too much” or “you’re overreacting” are so exhausting for the people on the other end — they’re changing their brain chemistry and creating conflicting ideas that take a lot of energy to hold.
So, if a man in your life is constantly urging you to be someone outside of your truest self, whether that’s in the realm of self-expression or simply talking about your emotions, take space. Run away. Set boundaries. Find a way to create self-assuredness in yourself — the kind that refuses to be rattled by insecure men and their manipulative ploys for attention and comfort.
4. ‘You’re always so emotional’
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Women who are pressured to suppress their emotions and protect the peace in their relationships with unregulated men are often angrier and more exhausted. They don’t have the space to seek support and are often met with judgment when they do express emotions or bring up concerns.
So, if a man says phrases like “you’re always so emotional” often, he’s probably exhausting to deal with, largely because he’s shaming other people for expressing emotions in a way that’s actually necessary and gratifying.
5. ‘Why do you blame me for everything?’
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Men who haven’t dealt with their self-esteem struggles or healed from their unresolved attachment trauma may hold onto more internalized shame in their adult lives, according to a study from Brain Sciences. They’re constantly seeking the security of comfort and getting defensive in the face of arguments because they don’t know how to regulate their emotions or cope with emotional turmoil without running away from them.
“Why do you blame me for everything?” is simply a manifestation of that internal insecurity. These men don’t know how to take in feedback or lean into hard conversations because they always feel like a personal attack. They’re struggling to regulate their emotions, so they can look at the big picture and resolve complex problems with the people around them, so of course they get defensive.
6. ‘I’m not talking about this’
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Men who refuse to be open about their emotions and have hard conversations, especially in their romantic relationships, often place an emotional burden on their partners to deal with everything themselves. They’re urged to suppress their emotions and hold onto their concerns, often in ways that drain them and spark resentment.
Not only does the lack of a shared space to discuss emotions and concerns in a relationship remove positive experiences and emotions from the couple’s life, as a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explains, but it also exhausts the people who are stuck dealing with all these pent-up feelings.
7. ‘I didn’t do anything wrong’
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Men who struggle with emotional turmoil and insecurity often intertwine the wires of “wrongness” and accountability. When they make a mistake, get constructive criticism, or are asked to resolve a concern by a partner, they immediately think they did something “wrong” — that they’re in trouble or being attacked.
Usually, this stems from an inability to tap into emotional intelligence. Whether it’s a lack of emotional regulation skills or general empathy, these men often use phrases like “I didn’t do anything wrong” when they’re uncomfortable with having a conversation or tapping into discomfort.
Of course, the people around them will end up exhausted by this, especially if they’re only looking for emotional support or affection.
8. ‘Can we just move on?’
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Trying to move on past arguments without resolving anything and protecting personal emotions by invalidating other people’s are common themes in the lives of emotionally exhausting people. They try to avoid accountability and discomfort, even if it urges other people to take on the burden of coping with and resolving these concerns themselves.
Especially in romantic relationships, where practicing conflict resolution skills is tied to long-term well-being and physical health, having men evade this kind of vulnerability can be detrimental to everyone.
9. ‘Stop making everything about you’
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Whether they’re narcissistic or constantly worried about finding external validation to feel safe, men who say phrases like “stop making everything about you” often are exhausting to be around. They not only encourage other people to take on the emotional burden of offering attention and reassurance, but they also strain their relationships by keeping all the focus on their own needs.
They’re not worried about resolving conflicts with a partner or creating space for emotional validation, because they’re too caught up in meeting and prioritizing their own needs.
10. ‘That’s just how I am’
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By clinging to phrases like “that’s just how I am” to justify their toxic habits and behaviors, men who refuse to lean into the discomfort of personal growth force other people to act on their hurt. They invalidate their partners and strain relationships by refusing to grow and change, often because they prefer to linger in their comfort zone to feel safe.
If a man says these phrases often, he’s probably exhausting to deal with. He refuses to take accountability in small ways, whether it’s at work or with their family at home, but he also acts entitled in his life, in general — expecting success, attention, and comfort to simply fall in his lap.
11. ‘I don’t like talking about my feelings’
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Instead of practicing vulnerability, leaning into the safe space of their relationships, and making peace with discomfort for the sake of personal growth, men who exhaust the people around them usually use phrases like “I don’t like talking about my feelings” as justification for their avoidance.
Even if it’s these avoidant behaviors that actually amplify their emotional strain, stress, and fear, as a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology explains, they continue to burn out their loved ones by running from necessary emotional expression and support.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
