7 Things Deeply Manipulative Men Do Almost Constantly
They hide behind charm and excuses but deep down, these types of men are manipulative to their core.
Rhand McCoy | Unsplash Men play different roles in their lives: friend, brother, co-worker, neighbor, partner, and so on. But some roles take on a toxic life of their own, especially when they cross boundaries into relationships and into the world of getting the woman you want. There are certain roles that guys often (and sometimes unknowingly) adopt that suggest they are deeply manipulative.
A 2021 study explained that manipulation in relationships is a form of social influence where one partner uses deceptive or abusive tactics to control the other's thoughts, feelings, and behavior. If the person doing the manipulation is getting what they want from you, the manipulation will continue until you decide it has to stop and actively and intentionally put an end to it.
Here are seven things deeply manipulative men do almost constantly:
1. Assumes a controlling father figure role
RDNE Stock project / Pexels
The man who fills the Father role offers support, safety, and security, all things that go along with an actual father’s providing nature. A woman finds this attractive because it makes her feel safe and reassured.
Sounds healthy? Well, so does apple pie. In reality, the Father doesn’t see his partner as an equal; he sees her as someone who fills the role of a daughter, as someone he needs to parent and control, changing the dynamic to mirror this type of relationship.
For example, when she is wrong, he scolds her or dominates her. What this eventually creates is a dynamic where the woman rebels and does things just to spite her man, because that’s what happens if you treat someone like a child — they start acting like one.
2. Acts rebellious just to be reckless
RDNE Stock project / Pexels
If every romantic comedy has taught us one thing, it’s that some women always go for the Bad Boy.
He’s exciting, he’s daring, he’s adventurous, he often comes with a motorcycle (or at least a leather jacket). He’s attractive because he’s not trying to please anyone; he’s simply being who he is, and this type of honesty is something many people seek in a relationship.
But the Bad Boy is certainly not all good. The downside to him is that a woman can never truly trust the Bad Boy. He’s honest, yes, but he’s only true to himself and out for what he wants (in other words, he’s selfish).
This means that if he wants to be with another woman, he’ll have no qualms about doing so. After all, it’s his way or the highway, and women who are attracted to bad boys like this know it.
And for that reason, they only see the Bad Boy as a short-term thrill, not someone with whom they wish to have a serious relationship.
3. Prioritizes being liked over being honest
BearFotos / Shutterstock
The Patsy is the guy who is ideal for bringing home to Mom and Dad for his compassion, understanding, reliability, and moldability. He'll sacrifice himself to make sure he wins the approval of others.
To put it simply, he looks great on paper. But, like paper, he's flat and one-dimensional, and that's why a relationship with him becomes something women eventually want to shred.
The Patsy is impossible to date long-term or start a future with because women feel trapped by him. Since he’s the opposite of a jerk, she’d be a jerk for dumping him. Yet, his emotional dishonesty makes it hard to trust him.
He’s so intent on pleasing everyone around him that he never says how he feels or what he truly thinks, and that makes him too much of a wildcard to invest in emotionally. It ultimately turns the Patsy into the nice guy who always finishes last.
4. Uses helping as a way to control
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
Nearly every female Disney character has ridden off with her hero — the man who swoops in to save the day. Charm, romance, confidence — it's all a turn-on. But there’s a reason we don’t see what happens to these characters after the credits start rolling.
When a woman relies fully on her man (or anyone, for that matter), she becomes codependent. By expecting someone to save her again and again, she fails to develop the necessary skills to save herself.
Their relationship then evolves into one where the woman needs her man, even if she doesn’t necessarily want him. This gives the Knight in Shining Armor a sort of power and dominance over her that is never healthy, not even for cartoon characters.
5. Puts ambition above empahty
Christian Velitchkov / Unsplash
The Business Man is rational, predictable, and concerned with fairness. These are traits that get him promoted at his firm, but in love, they can turn him into a miser who is so concerned with things being equal that he keeps track of who pays for what, and who takes on certain responsibilities at home.
As one can probably guess, romance isn’t the businessman’s forte. He's all about his work, but his relationships fall by the wayside and, as such, his partner fades into the background.
Relationships are a two-way street; that’s in self-help books and on bumper stickers everywhere. So, yes, things are fair, but at the cost of tenderness, sacrifice, and love. There are times when he expects to give more and other times when she will.
But a relationship isn't a transaction. And the businessman just isn't the type of guy good for a long-lasting relationship.
6. Clings to immaturity to avoid growing up
Fotos / Unsplash
Straight out of Neverland, the Peter Pan is the man who has never grown up. He’s fun, for sure, and women adore his whimsical nature, his light-hearted playfulness, go-with-the-flow attitude, and spontaneity. But everyone has to grow up at some point.
What the Peter Pan fails to get is his partner’s respect. He has plans that his woman knows will never come to fruition. He isn’t willing to put in hard work or consistent effort, and he’s a perpetual underachiever.
He can’t actually deal with real emotions and real problems, and that makes his relationships ultimately very fake.
7. Uses charm to manipulate, not connect
cottonbro studio / Pexels
The Seducer has one focus: his woman. He says exactly what she wants to hear and makes her feel like she’s more attractive than any other girl in the whole world — even more attractive than the hypothetical baby Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry have together.
That, of course, makes him compelling, because, after all, what woman doesn't want to hear those things?
The problem is that the Seducer doesn’t really desire a relationship, he merely wants the chase to flatter his own self-worth. Once he lands his conquest, he isn’t sure what to do with her, so he just bats her around like a cat does a mouse.
He’s scared by the thought of a long-term relationship and is not marriage material. Some women will fall for this, while others will see through him like a window that has just been washed.
Adopting one of the above roles from time to time isn’t likely to hurt a relationship. And, the truth is, most men have a little of each persona inside of them.
But playing one part, and only one part, creates a dynamic that makes it difficult for a relationship to survive, and all but impossible for it to prosper.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator specializing in dating, empowering men and women, self-esteem, and life transitions. He has 20 years of experience working to optimize human behavior and relational dynamics.
