If A Man Avoids These 11 Things, He's Probably Exhausting To Deal With
Wirestock Creators / Shutterstock My friend Kaylie* is currently in the process of divorcing her husband, Eddie*. Eddie seemed like a great guy at first but eventually, she started to have less and less fun with him. He began to get moody. He always complained about his life.
Yet, when she tried to get him to tackle certain things, he’d sidestep it like a pro. Eventually, Kaylie felt worn out by him. It was a never-ending cycle of suck. So, she left. Right now, she’s already starting to blossom.
If you’re dating, you might want to learn what Kaylie didn’t. If a man avoids these things, you don’t want to date him.
If a man avoids these 11 things, he's probably exhausting to deal with
1. Taking accountability
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Does your man refuse to admit he did (or didn’t do) something that harmed others? Is everything that ever happens to him always the fault of others? If he refuses to take accountability, he will never be willing to improve the parts of himself that need improvement.
A refusal to take accountability isn’t just annoying. It’s a sign that he will end up acting out in ways that will harm you, drain you, and also make you wonder if you’re the one who is the problem.
2. Saying he's sorry
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This is up there with taking accountability in terms of being draining. Some guys are willing to take accountability for their actions, but won’t ever say sorry. This is also not good. It’s a sign that you’ll likely end up having argument after argument with them, just trying to get him to apologize for basic things.
Let’s face it. This is often a sign that he’s trying to pull some kind of weird power play on you. Life is too short to deal with guys who will make you feel crazy for asking them to just apologize to you.
3. Commitment
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This is a mixed bag. If you’re not looking for anything serious, by all means, entertain a casual affair. However, if you’re looking for a spouse, do not invest time in a man who keeps pussyfooting around the topic.
Most men know whether or not they want to marry a woman within seven months. If you can’t get a wedding date out of him or a proposal date out of him by a year, chances are high he’s just wasting your time.
4. Kids (current or future)
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If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be careful of any guy who won’t tell you whether he wants kids or won’t tell you if he currently has kids. Men who don’t want to fully commit won’t tell you much about their family situation.
Besides, if he won’t tell you if he currently has kids, that’s often a red flag. He might still be married or might have children who have managed to chase away any potential dates he’s had.
5. Paying taxes
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Speaking as someone who currently has tax debt issues they’re clearing out, do yourself a favor and never get involved with someone who is refusing to work on their tax situation. Even if you’re proactive about it like I was, it can take years to undo the damage.
Besides, depending on what kind of problems you’ve got going on, you don’t want to have to deal with court cases, lawyer fees, and other IRS-related chaos. It’s just not fun. If you’re willing to do so, wait until after the tax issues are settled to get hitched.
6. Trying new things
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Most people will only get 70 or 80 years to actually exist on this earth. Do you really want to spend it all doing the exact same thing every day? Most of us wouldn’t. While routine is good, variety is the spice of life.
A person who is way too stuck in their ways is going to be okay at first, but eventually, it’ll grate on you. Speaking from experience, guys like this tend to be exhaustingly stubborn and will often suck the fun right out of a room if it’s not exactly what they want to do.
7. Listening to you
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Most women have experienced the awful moment of trying to talk to a guy who is more interested in his video games than in them. No matter what you tell them, no matter how much you beg, they are more interested in their console than you. It’s a terrible feeling.
If it becomes a pattern long enough, it will begin to hurt your self-worth. That’s why experts point out that having friends who don’t listen to you is extremely emotionally draining. Here’s a quick tip from someone who’s lived it: you shouldn’t spend time telling people to pay attention to you.
8. Chores
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In recent years, a growing number of divorces have stemmed from women who got fed up with doing the vast majority of the housework and emotional labor in their relationships. Much of this is due to men “playing dumb” to avoid chores they should be doing. It’s so common, there’s even a name for it: weaponized incompetence.
In an ideal world, we would never have to worry about taking out the garbage, washing dishes, or doing meal prep for the week. Sadly, we all have chores. It’s part of being an adult. Anyone who can’t handle their own mess shouldn’t be in a relationship at all.
9. Reality checks
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I’ve seen quite a few guys who swore they wanted to have a kid. It’s just that, you know, they didn’t actually want to spend more than half an hour a day raising that kid. Or they expected their partners to do 100 percent of the work.
I’ve also seen quite a few guys who wanted to buy a fixer-upper house, despite not having any tools, money, or skills to fix it. You cannot act as a fixer for men who are totally out of touch with reality. If he’s not grounded in fact, he’ll be a disaster waiting to happen as a partner.
10. Growing up
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When you’re a teenager, being a party animal is totally fine. The same can be said when you’re in your twenties. By the time you’re 30, it’s no longer fun and cool if you’re the person going to parties four days a week. In fact, it’s a little exhausting.
Going out once in a while after you’ve taken care of your responsibilities is fine. Acting as if you’re still in college isn’t. You don’t want to have to be the person trying to explain why your husband has a hangover on a Wednesday. You also don’t want to be the person who has to explain to others why they married Peter Pan. It gets old faster than you think.
11. Improving himself
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Rounding out my list of things men shouldn’t avoid is the most important one: self-improvement. No one is perfect, but you know what? Growth comes when you try to be a better person. Whether it’s going back to school, going to the gym, or therapy doesn’t matter.
People like to see someone trying to evolve into someone better. If you’re not doing that, people will notice and get a little worried. Stagnation isn’t attractive. It’s actually the opposite.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
